Anonymous
Post 06/02/2017 12:35     Subject: Re:So I married a momma's boy
+1 on the counseling, I think it would be great for both of you, or you by yourself if DH won't join. This is a problem that CAN be dealt with, and a good therapist can help! But yeah, DH needs not to run off to his mom about every decision. People raise children successfully all the time without consulting the grandparents on every little thing.

Can you assign her some projects? Like, things you don't have a strong opinion about or time to deal with that she can help with? Like if you need to research a new appliance, or find developmentally appropriate toys/activities to improve your child's motor skills/speech/whatever...so her interest in being highly involved can work for you, not against you?

Anonymous
Post 06/02/2017 12:18     Subject: Re:So I married a momma's boy
This is an interesting thread. I guess I have the opposite issue.

I am a DW who was raised by a single dad. I tend to call him for advice more than I consult DH. My justification is that my dad is a methodical thinker, is big on analyzing pros and cons and we tend to make decisions using the same process. DH is a bit more haphazard. It drives him crazy that I consult my dad's opinion and I write it off that he is overreacting and making a power play. So I appreciate the perspective here and I think I understand a little better.
Anonymous
Post 06/02/2017 11:46     Subject: Re:So I married a momma's boy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You sound like my DIL. She's jealous. Not normal jealousy but full on HATE. I personally don't have time for her crap so I stay away. I don't even see the kids. My son calls regularly on his way to work to chit chat and complain about being whipped. We get pictures periodically,

I let it ride because when we die, Miss Disrespectful and her husband PW will not be getting any inheritance, something he thinks he's getting and something she's depending on.

So you all keep on being a bitch and see how far you can push. The push back hurts more.


You don't see your grandkids? Team DIL all the way.

Grow up granny. Your power struggle isn't more important than your grandchildren. If it is to you, then stay away as you are. You are doing the grands a favor.

Toxic to the bone.


+1 And it sounds like you are using money as a tool or as a weapon. Probably DIL does not want your $$. I don't want my IL's money. They try to control us with money and don't respect it when we say things like, 'NO, we honestly cannot come this weekend. We are already busy. Just b/c you then offer to throw $$ at the problem and buy flights for us does not change the fact that we are already busy." Everything is NOT about $$$. Signed, BTDT DIL
Anonymous
Post 06/02/2017 11:41     Subject: Re:So I married a momma's boy
Anonymous wrote:You sound like my DIL. She's jealous. Not normal jealousy but full on HATE. I personally don't have time for her crap so I stay away. I don't even see the kids. My son calls regularly on his way to work to chit chat and complain about being whipped. We get pictures periodically,

I let it ride because when we die, Miss Disrespectful and her husband PW will not be getting any inheritance, something he thinks he's getting and something she's depending on.

So you all keep on being a bitch and see how far you can push. The push back hurts more.


You don't see your grandkids? Team DIL all the way.

Grow up granny. Your power struggle isn't more important than your grandchildren. If it is to you, then stay away as you are. You are doing the grands a favor.

Toxic to the bone.
Anonymous
Post 06/02/2017 11:35     Subject: Re:So I married a momma's boy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Mine is one also - it was part of what I liked about him - that he's respectful and really loves his mom - but after having a kid the dynamic became awful. Particularly since she's a 'baby expert' who has antiquated beliefs and she inserted herself into our 1 bedroom apartment at that time. Hang in there! I was totally post-partum and handled it poorly, and he was a total wimp and left me out to dry (emotionally) a few times. Hold firm on the things you care about, take anything good and helpful from her/his advice and bring in other experts and ignore/disregard your husband/mil when needed. Hopefully they'll start to get it eventually. My MIL is now closer with her other grandchildren than my kids - which is her loss. Thankfully my kids don't seem to have picked up on that.


OP here. Yes it was part of what I liked about my DH too. I think as he has gotten older and as she has gotten older her influence has grown. We are not talking about practical things here, like how to sleep train, but often very different viewpoints on life. She has also gotten increasingly religious, and I am not, which does not help. Sounds like I am going to have to stand firm continuously and not engage.

What do you mean?


For example, she thinks her very bright niece should not apply to a highly selective private school because women need an easy, ideally part-time job, so they can raise kids. Apparently we should do the same although my DD is a toddler.
Anonymous
Post 06/02/2017 11:32     Subject: Re:So I married a momma's boy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You sound like my DIL. She's jealous. Not normal jealousy but full on HATE. I personally don't have time for her crap so I stay away. I don't even see the kids. My son calls regularly on his way to work to chit chat and complain about being whipped. We get pictures periodically,

I let it ride because when we die, Miss Disrespectful and her husband PW will not be getting any inheritance, something he thinks he's getting and something she's depending on.

So you all keep on being a bitch and see how far you can push. The push back hurts more.


Yeah, CLEARLY the DIL is the problem here...


Lol. +1
Anonymous
Post 06/02/2017 11:32     Subject: Re:So I married a momma's boy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You sound like my DIL. She's jealous. Not normal jealousy but full on HATE. I personally don't have time for her crap so I stay away. I don't even see the kids. My son calls regularly on his way to work to chit chat and complain about being whipped. We get pictures periodically,

I let it ride because when we die, Miss Disrespectful and her husband PW will not be getting any inheritance, something he thinks he's getting and something she's depending on.

So you all keep on being a bitch and see how far you can push. The push back hurts more.


Sounds like you raised quite the winner. According to you, you raised a son who picked a crappy partner, is now whipped, and on top of it isn't even self sufficient enough not to need your money... you must feel like quite a success as a parent.


blame this too on the manipulative b*tch holding DS hostage in this marriage.
Anonymous
Post 06/02/2017 11:31     Subject: So I married a momma's boy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Have you talked with him about it? Asked him why he calls his mom first before talking things through with you? Call him on it, tell him it bothers you.

I think the Pp is right the counseling might help, but these are the conversations that will get you there


He does not call his mom first. We discuss, we make decisions, then he starts wavering after chatting with mom. She does not work and she is on Skype messenger all the time. So there is constant communication.


Then point that dynamic out to him.
Anonymous
Post 06/02/2017 11:29     Subject: So I married a momma's boy
Anonymous wrote:Have you talked with him about it? Asked him why he calls his mom first before talking things through with you? Call him on it, tell him it bothers you.

I think the Pp is right the counseling might help, but these are the conversations that will get you there


He does not call his mom first. We discuss, we make decisions, then he starts wavering after chatting with mom. She does not work and she is on Skype messenger all the time. So there is constant communication.
Anonymous
Post 06/02/2017 11:28     Subject: So I married a momma's boy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Well you married him which means the influence his mother had in every decision he made up until the day you said "I do" was perfectly okay evidently, right? Now all the sudden his decision-making is all wrong and her influence is so evil and corrupt.

Gimmie a break lady.


Sometimes it is not so noticeable-- also she says it has gotten worse since they had a child. She's has every right to speak up.


Well I hope in speaking up about the evil and corrupt influence her MIL has over her husband I hope the OP doesn't forget that same evil and corrupt influence is what molded him into the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.
Anonymous
Post 06/02/2017 11:27     Subject: Re:So I married a momma's boy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Mine is one also - it was part of what I liked about him - that he's respectful and really loves his mom - but after having a kid the dynamic became awful. Particularly since she's a 'baby expert' who has antiquated beliefs and she inserted herself into our 1 bedroom apartment at that time. Hang in there! I was totally post-partum and handled it poorly, and he was a total wimp and left me out to dry (emotionally) a few times. Hold firm on the things you care about, take anything good and helpful from her/his advice and bring in other experts and ignore/disregard your husband/mil when needed. Hopefully they'll start to get it eventually. My MIL is now closer with her other grandchildren than my kids - which is her loss. Thankfully my kids don't seem to have picked up on that.


OP here. Yes it was part of what I liked about my DH too. I think as he has gotten older and as she has gotten older her influence has grown. We are not talking about practical things here, like how to sleep train, but often very different viewpoints on life. She has also gotten increasingly religious, and I am not, which does not help. Sounds like I am going to have to stand firm continuously and not engage.

What do you mean?
Anonymous
Post 06/02/2017 11:25     Subject: Re:So I married a momma's boy
Anonymous wrote:Mine is one also - it was part of what I liked about him - that he's respectful and really loves his mom - but after having a kid the dynamic became awful. Particularly since she's a 'baby expert' who has antiquated beliefs and she inserted herself into our 1 bedroom apartment at that time. Hang in there! I was totally post-partum and handled it poorly, and he was a total wimp and left me out to dry (emotionally) a few times. Hold firm on the things you care about, take anything good and helpful from her/his advice and bring in other experts and ignore/disregard your husband/mil when needed. Hopefully they'll start to get it eventually. My MIL is now closer with her other grandchildren than my kids - which is her loss. Thankfully my kids don't seem to have picked up on that.


OP here. Yes it was part of what I liked about my DH too. I think as he has gotten older and as she has gotten older her influence has grown. We are not talking about practical things here, like how to sleep train, but often very different viewpoints on life. She has also gotten increasingly religious, and I am not, which does not help. Sounds like I am going to have to stand firm continuously and not engage.
Anonymous
Post 06/02/2017 11:25     Subject: Re:So I married a momma's boy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You sound like my DIL. She's jealous. Not normal jealousy but full on HATE. I personally don't have time for her crap so I stay away. I don't even see the kids. My son calls regularly on his way to work to chit chat and complain about being whipped. We get pictures periodically,

I let it ride because when we die, Miss Disrespectful and her husband PW will not be getting any inheritance, something he thinks he's getting and something she's depending on.

So you all keep on being a bitch and see how far you can push. The push back hurts more.


what does PW stand for?


Pu$$y Whipped.
Anonymous
Post 06/02/2017 11:22     Subject: Re:So I married a momma's boy
Anonymous wrote:You sound like my DIL. She's jealous. Not normal jealousy but full on HATE. I personally don't have time for her crap so I stay away. I don't even see the kids. My son calls regularly on his way to work to chit chat and complain about being whipped. We get pictures periodically,

I let it ride because when we die, Miss Disrespectful and her husband PW will not be getting any inheritance, something he thinks he's getting and something she's depending on.

So you all keep on being a bitch and see how far you can push. The push back hurts more.


Sounds like you raised quite the winner. According to you, you raised a son who picked a crappy partner, is now whipped, and on top of it isn't even self sufficient enough not to need your money... you must feel like quite a success as a parent.
Anonymous
Post 06/02/2017 11:18     Subject: Re:So I married a momma's boy
Anonymous wrote:You sound like my DIL. She's jealous. Not normal jealousy but full on HATE. I personally don't have time for her crap so I stay away. I don't even see the kids. My son calls regularly on his way to work to chit chat and complain about being whipped. We get pictures periodically,

I let it ride because when we die, Miss Disrespectful and her husband PW will not be getting any inheritance, something he thinks he's getting and something she's depending on.

So you all keep on being a bitch and see how far you can push. The push back hurts more.


Yeah, CLEARLY the DIL is the problem here...