If you are hesitant on the ssri - we've seen huge improvement on mood regulation with neurofeedback.

Anonymous wrote:Oh, OP, I really sympathize...
But we still have those episodes where people are staring at me like I'm the crazy abusive parent because my child is screaming bloody murder and I'm trying to restrain him so that he doesn't hurt himself or run away. The last time this happened (downtown on the mall), some elderly lady came up and asked me if I needed any help. I was wondering if she thought I was abusive and that she'd read that this is the best way to avert an abusive situation. I was thinking "Yes, elderly lady, you would be able to hold my 70 pound son while he screams, kicks and punches, so that he does not run away (for the third time this afternoon because he's mad at me about some dumb thing that I've forgotten) and end up in the tidal basin."

PP, truly I think she was trying to be sympathetic and helpful even if it wasn't practical.

OP my 6 year old son also has huge tantrums that go on forever about tiny things, like the banana broke in half as he was unpeeling it. (I can't stick it back together!) I am grateful that most of his worst tantrums take place at home rather than in public, but he does do it in public too sometimes, usually when we tell him it's time to come inside and he doesn't want to. Or, when he was younger, whenever we folded up his stroller--so, going through security at the airport or getting on the plane. That was awsesome! (We finally stopped traveling with a stroller.)

Anyway, I dont have great suggestions but just wanted to reiterate that you're not alone. It is really hard sometimes. I like the suggestion above about pretending it's an asthma attack. I think that might help me to deal with it as it's happening.

Anonymous wrote:Hello. I can relate to what you are saying on so many levels. My youngest son has a rare neurological disorder, and he lashes out irrationally a lot anymore. It has gotten to the point that we can’t hardly take him out into public. It can be very exhausting. I recently asked our psychologist what were our options and some safe technics that might help. She suggested finding a safe place where he can have a fit, but not hurt himself or others. We have been trying that for a few days, and it has at least given the control back to me.

I haven’t figured out a solution for when we are in public, but I just wanted you to know you are not alone.
You mentioned antidepressants and bipolar. I have another son who has a mood disorder and my sister has bipolar. I can attest to antidepressants mixing with bipolar, and it can be a scary mix. Our pediatrician warned us that if our son had a true mood disorder that an antidepressant would “unmask” the bipolar. It really did. It was absolutely awful seeing my son come unhinged like that. Once I called the doctor back, he changed the meds to a mood stabilizer. My son is a completely different kid now. My sister had a similar experience with antidepressants.

I would encourage you to talk with your son’s therapist or pediatrician. Be honest with them. Let them know things are spiraling out of control. It might very well be that your son just needs a different type of medication or a different approach. Your son’s doctors can help you come up with a plan that will fit your family’s needs. I know I hated to admit that I couldn’t handle my youngest son’s fits anymore, but it felt good to know that his psychologist took me seriously and came up with a plan with me. If you try their suggestions with no improvement, make sure to let them know that too.

Praying for you, mama! *hugs*

PP, your county might have resources that would send a therapist to your house to help you and him with behavior-solving techniques.

I just wanted to say thank you to everybody that posted. This thread has been SO useful and encouraging.

Anonymous wrote:OP here thanks - yes, I don't try to do much talking after the first minute or two (sometimes I can divert the freak out). It's just exhausting. Hello, how can I control the date on a quarter? I can't. No one can. If *that's* the cause of a meltdown then I feel like I have no hope of peace and predictability. I totally get that kids freak out over little stuff, I have two other LO's. It's just so much more frequent, intense and random. It's also not age-appropriate like it would be for a toddler. We get anger outbursts over the cap on the milk being blue instead of red (um, it's never been red??) We've tried a few other meds and the current one actually does seem to be the best but it doesn't cover 24/7.

OP, can you enroll your kid in a social skills program like Unstuck and On Target? Our kid with ADHD took it at Ivymount on a Saturday, which I found very helpful b/c it had a concurrent parenting class. Or at least get the paperback; it's a quick read:
https://www.amazon.com/Solving-Executive-Function-Challenges-Unstuck/dp/1598576038/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1496153336&sr=8-2&keywords=unstuck+and+on+target

The program was developed with kids who have ASD, however, the executive functioning issues cut across ADHD or other LDs. At it's core, it's about problem solving.

--The quarter had a date on it which was different from what your kid expected.
--Is this a big or little deal? If a little deal, noting it and moving on.
--It was a big deal to him. He became upset and stuck in this loop becoming more disregulated and couldn't move on.
--If it's a big deal (to him), then let's make a Plan B. (problem solving)
--Sometimes problems can be resolved through compromise and having choices. He can brainstorm choices for his plan, e.g., look for another quarter, wait until a quarter comes along with the "correct" date. (Sometimes there is no choice, e.g, a fire drill--there's no choice.)
-- In this case, having a quarter with the "right" date, may not be solvable at the moment by making a Plan B. He still has a choice as to how to feel about and react to the situation. Recognizing that something was "unexpected" helps kids develop perspective.

Honestly, any good person would just be sending you strength at such a moment and not judging you. Try to worry less about that. We've all been there and it sucks.


(((hugs)))

OP ... I really don't believe in "Internet diagnoses", but he sounds so much like my DS. We finally found some answers with his ASD and anxiety diagnoses. It helped me to see how his reactions are stemming from his rigid black & white thinking and his anxiety driven need to control his surroundings. I don't know if you've seen multiple psychologists but I would be really wary of jumping to bi-polar based on one doctor's input.

I also struggle with anxiety and retraining myself that everything doesn't have to be done "the right way" (aka my way). I've been doing very well but recently had an eye opening experience when I ran out of my usual allergy meds and switched to Zyrtec for several days. Just that simple change in OTC medication sent my anxiety was out of control and I completely lost my temper a couple of times until I realized what was going on. People like to maintain the illusion that we are rational actors but one little change in brain chemistry can change everything.

Anyhow, good luck. Ignore the stares but please realize that there really are many of us that are with you.

Hello. I can relate to what you are saying on so many levels. My youngest son has a rare neurological disorder, and he lashes out irrationally a lot anymore. It has gotten to the point that we can’t hardly take him out into public. It can be very exhausting. I recently asked our psychologist what were our options and some safe technics that might help. She suggested finding a safe place where he can have a fit, but not hurt himself or others. We have been trying that for a few days, and it has at least given the control back to me.

I haven’t figured out a solution for when we are in public, but I just wanted you to know you are not alone.
You mentioned antidepressants and bipolar. I have another son who has a mood disorder and my sister has bipolar. I can attest to antidepressants mixing with bipolar, and it can be a scary mix. Our pediatrician warned us that if our son had a true mood disorder that an antidepressant would “unmask” the bipolar. It really did. It was absolutely awful seeing my son come unhinged like that. Once I called the doctor back, he changed the meds to a mood stabilizer. My son is a completely different kid now. My sister had a similar experience with antidepressants.

I would encourage you to talk with your son’s therapist or pediatrician. Be honest with them. Let them know things are spiraling out of control. It might very well be that your son just needs a different type of medication or a different approach. Your son’s doctors can help you come up with a plan that will fit your family’s needs. I know I hated to admit that I couldn’t handle my youngest son’s fits anymore, but it felt good to know that his psychologist took me seriously and came up with a plan with me. If you try their suggestions with no improvement, make sure to let them know that too.

Praying for you, mama! *hugs*

Anonymous wrote:Oh, OP, I really sympathize. I sometimes think that the best way to do this parenting gig would be seriously stoned, because then I could just be like "Oh, it's cool, whatever" even when he loses his sh*t. But of course that would lead to 14 thousand other problems, so that wouldn't work.

Mine is a year older and I really do think it's getting better. Especially with SN boys, that frontal lobe develops slowly and the emotions override the rationality. Is he in therapy? He's getting to the point where he can learn some cognitive techniques to work through the frustration and inflexibility himself.

But we still have those episodes where people are staring at me like I'm the crazy abusive parent because my child is screaming bloody murder and I'm trying to restrain him so that he doesn't hurt himself or run away. The last time this happened (downtown on the mall), some elderly lady came up and asked me if I needed any help. I was wondering if she thought I was abusive and that she'd read that this is the best way to avert an abusive situation. I was thinking "Yes, elderly lady, you would be able to hold my 70 pound son while he screams, kicks and punches, so that he does not run away (for the third time this afternoon because he's mad at me about some dumb thing that I've forgotten) and end up in the tidal basin."

That's funny because I have read that too! But I also have a SN kid and although he doesn't have a lot of behavioral issues he has dear friends who do. Whenever I see a parent struggling in public I desperately want to send a "solidarity" signal, but I never know what to do that people won't misinterpret. Maybe she really did just want to support you somehow.

My child who had similar behaviors did really well on anti-anxiety meds. (Prozac, Zoloft).

My son was similar in 1st grade. He was diagnosed with OCPT... it's like OCD but without the repetitive stuff. So when we "open a can" that he wanted to open, he would freak because his brain was telling his that was not how it is supposed to happen.

We did CBT, it took about 6 months to break him of his OCD ways.

Also for temper tantrums imagine it is not a tantrum, imagine he is having an asthma attack and freaking out. When you stop believing he can control it you stop blaming him and yourself.

What you need to do, is go to a quiet place, sit with him and read a book or magazine (this is so you are not giving attention for yelling), ever 30-60 seconds say, "is there anything I can do", "I am sorry you are upset",....

as he calms down say, "You are doing a good job" "I am proud of how you are able to calm yourself"

When I did this his tantrums that I had dealt with for a loooong time... they stopped within 1 month.

Later he learned breathing exercises from his therapist... kink of like meditation, in middle school he would listen to a meditation app to calm his anxieties.

Anonymous wrote:I've been thinking of an SSRI too but our psych said no for his age and because he thought maybe the mood stuff was a precursor to bi-polar. I don't agree but he sort of scared me out of an SSRI. I have an appt. for a consult with another psych. in a few weeks so this is helpful to hear. Thanks 22:15 for the reminder that at least we're at home A few weeks ago he stopped in the checkout line of the grocery store and screamed like he was being kidnapped because I opened some food he wanted to eat after we bought it and HE wanted to open it so the seal was broken. He lost it when I told him I couldn't re-seal it. The entire store stopped and stared at me while he screamed at the top of his lungs until I could coax him outside. He's too big to pick up of course and I don't want to drag him out since I don't want it to look like I'm abusing him or something. He looks completely normal so I'm are people were thinking I am a terrible parent to a horribly bratty kid. It's comforting to know you guys get it.

That would bug me - ha, but just a little bit I wouldn't scream my lungs out.
As for the people staring I wouldn't worry about them - if they're staring maybe their ears need to experience some screaming for a while.

I can't tell you how to help your son. But I can say that self care is very important, esp with special needs kids. When I feel like losing my shit, I find that a run at some point in the day is awesome. No music, just quiet and I get to literally "run away" from my family. The endorphins kick in after a few miles and I pound all my frustration out on the sidewalk.

Anonymous wrote:I've been thinking of an SSRI too but our psych said no for his age and because he thought maybe the mood stuff was a precursor to bi-polar. I don't agree but he sort of scared me out of an SSRI. I have an appt. for a consult with another psych. in a few weeks so this is helpful to hear. Thanks 22:15 for the reminder that at least we're at home A few weeks ago he stopped in the checkout line of the grocery store and screamed like he was being kidnapped because I opened some food he wanted to eat after we bought it and HE wanted to open it so the seal was broken. He lost it when I told him I couldn't re-seal it. The entire store stopped and stared at me while he screamed at the top of his lungs until I could coax him outside. He's too big to pick up of course and I don't want to drag him out since I don't want it to look like I'm abusing him or something. He looks completely normal so I'm are people were thinking I am a terrible parent to a horribly bratty kid. It's comforting to know you guys get it.

And this is why I NEVER automatically think "bratty" when I see such a situation in public.