Anonymous
Post 05/22/2017 13:48     Subject: Ladies - Does actively pursuing a man you like work? Anyone got their hubby this way?
Anonymous wrote:I am in my 30s, and have been traditional and conservative when it comes to men and relationships. I let the guys do the pursuing and chasing. This has worked fine in the past, but in talking with male friends and even some of my girl friends, I'm surprised by how often the guy has been pursued by the women, and it worked!

So I'm thinking about trying it. Why not? I have nothing to lose right, and may have some fun in the process, and even meet a great guy.

Any tips? How does a lady pursue a guy without coming across as aggressive, pathetic or desperate? What works, and what definitely doesn't work?

I'd love to hear your success stories and tips!


I was interested in a man who I met at a work-related happy hour, so I talked to him. I asked him questions about himself. I complimented him. I told him that I would like to see more of him. I made it clear that I was interested in him and liked spending time with him. I don't think it was aggressive, pathetic, or desperate. I think that if you express interest in a person, it takes some of the guess work and pressure out of the situation. If he didn't want to talk to me, he could've made up a reason to leave or NOT suggested that we get together when I told him I'd like to see him again. I would've taken the hint.

And stop saying "hubby." Just strike it from your vocabulary, permanently.
Anonymous
Post 05/22/2017 13:44     Subject: Re:Ladies - Does actively pursuing a man you like work? Anyone got their hubby this way?
Anonymous wrote:I flirted with and pursued my husband. He adores and loves me and treats me like a queen every day. He is shy and would not have pursued me had I not made it very obviously known that I was into him.


This. I found DH's number in college (back when no one had cell phones) and called him. I also asked him on our first date. He's shy and wouldn't have gotten up the nerve. It didn't mean he wasn't interested. I didn't have to pursuing after those initial interactions. But I'm almost certain that we wouldn't be together if I hadn't made the initial effort. Plus, DH likes a woman with confidence and if I want something in life, I'm at least going to give it an active shot and not just hope that things turn out the way I want them to. We have been happily married for 19 years with two kids.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2017 23:57     Subject: Ladies - Does actively pursuing a man you like work? Anyone got their hubby this way?
I pursued him and knew he was the one I wanted, but he thought he was doing the pursuing. Married 18 years. He is so hot, great dad, charisma and ambition all day long.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2017 23:48     Subject: Ladies - Does actively pursuing a man you like work? Anyone got their hubby this way?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The women I know who did this have husbands who don't really want/appreciate them. My husband pursued me like I was the last woman on earth and still treats me that way.


+1 Same

Sure so you get so toad no one else wanted.


Nope. Many other women were pursuing him.

Sounds like you're the toad no one else wanted.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2017 23:41     Subject: Re:Ladies - Does actively pursuing a man you like work? Anyone got their hubby this way?
I flirted with and pursued my husband. He adores and loves me and treats me like a queen every day. He is shy and would not have pursued me had I not made it very obviously known that I was into him.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2017 23:04     Subject: Ladies - Does actively pursuing a man you like work? Anyone got their hubby this way?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why dont you ask your friends since you say they did it and had success?


With the guys that this worked, did they willingly and joyously ask her to marry him? I'm assuming they aren't quite as non-traditional where she asked him to marry her. Also checking this wasn't a lazy factor where they stay with her, but aren't looking to marry her. Also, does the guy appreciate his wife and feels like he won a big prize, and doubly so because she pursued him? Were they friends/co-workers first and she pursued him? I would get more details from the guys that are saying this worked.


Pp is right that you're over thinking this. I'm the pp who met dh at work and got turned down by him the first time around. He took awhile to propose and by the time he did it it was an issue between us. And he didn't day ILY until 6 months. If you listened to dcum then he was just not that into me and we're doomed and he's a beta or something ridiculous. Frankly if I decided to look just at his actions without factoring in his personality and everything I knew about him I'd have dumped him.

Real life is frequently more complicated than stereotypes and once you're in a real life relationship then things are way different because you're both fully formed people. For my dh I was his first real serious relationship which is why he was less sure in all those scenarios. He is a person who makes decisions slowly but once he's three he makes them decisively. He is also incredibly devoted to me and our daughter today. He is kind, loving, but he's also quiet and he shows me he loves me in his own ways.

He's an individual, has good parts and bad parts. Whatever guy at work you're into has good parts and bad parts too and that has nothing to do with him being your co-worker. My only advice is to fugue or if he's the kind if guy who can break up well and amicably because that is the only real risk you're taking in starting something up


Sorry I meant didn't day ily until 16 months, 6 months would habe been normal!!
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2017 23:02     Subject: Ladies - Does actively pursuing a man you like work? Anyone got their hubby this way?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why dont you ask your friends since you say they did it and had success?


With the guys that this worked, did they willingly and joyously ask her to marry him? I'm assuming they aren't quite as non-traditional where she asked him to marry her. Also checking this wasn't a lazy factor where they stay with her, but aren't looking to marry her. Also, does the guy appreciate his wife and feels like he won a big prize, and doubly so because she pursued him? Were they friends/co-workers first and she pursued him? I would get more details from the guys that are saying this worked.


Pp is right that you're over thinking this. I'm the pp who met dh at work and got turned down by him the first time around. He took awhile to propose and by the time he did it it was an issue between us. And he didn't day ILY until 6 months. If you listened to dcum then he was just not that into me and we're doomed and he's a beta or something ridiculous. Frankly if I decided to look just at his actions without factoring in his personality and everything I knew about him I'd have dumped him.

Real life is frequently more complicated than stereotypes and once you're in a real life relationship then things are way different because you're both fully formed people. For my dh I was his first real serious relationship which is why he was less sure in all those scenarios. He is a person who makes decisions slowly but once he's three he makes them decisively. He is also incredibly devoted to me and our daughter today. He is kind, loving, but he's also quiet and he shows me he loves me in his own ways.

He's an individual, has good parts and bad parts. Whatever guy at work you're into has good parts and bad parts too and that has nothing to do with him being your co-worker. My only advice is to fugue or if he's the kind if guy who can break up well and amicably because that is the only real risk you're taking in starting something up
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2017 22:19     Subject: Ladies - Does actively pursuing a man you like work? Anyone got their hubby this way?
I pursued a guy I was interested in. He was attracted to me, but due to life circumstances at the time wasn't interested in a relationship with anyone.

Because I pursued him, years later, I have a kind, loving, funny, loyal husband who's devoted to me and our marriage. He supports me emotionally, and his financial support allowed me to pursue an "impractical" career that turned out to be a wild financial success.

I was quite young at the time, so I hadn't absorbed any of the advice that a woman shouldn't do anything more than bat her lashes in a man's direction lest she come off as desperate. My life would be much less happy!

Anonymous
Post 05/21/2017 22:18     Subject: Ladies - Does actively pursuing a man you like work? Anyone got their hubby this way?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why dont you ask your friends since you say they did it and had success?


With the guys that this worked, did they willingly and joyously ask her to marry him? I'm assuming they aren't quite as non-traditional where she asked him to marry her. Also checking this wasn't a lazy factor where they stay with her, but aren't looking to marry her. Also, does the guy appreciate his wife and feels like he won a big prize, and doubly so because she pursued him? Were they friends/co-workers first and she pursued him? I would get more details from the guys that are saying this worked.


Christ almighty you're overthinking this.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2017 22:07     Subject: Ladies - Does actively pursuing a man you like work? Anyone got their hubby this way?
Anonymous wrote:The women I know who did this have husbands who don't really want/appreciate them. My husband pursued me like I was the last woman on earth and still treats me that way.


Yes, I'm that woman. If only the book "He's Not That Into You" had come out before I was married....
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2017 21:21     Subject: Ladies - Does actively pursuing a man you like work? Anyone got their hubby this way?
Anonymous wrote:Why dont you ask your friends since you say they did it and had success?


With the guys that this worked, did they willingly and joyously ask her to marry him? I'm assuming they aren't quite as non-traditional where she asked him to marry her. Also checking this wasn't a lazy factor where they stay with her, but aren't looking to marry her. Also, does the guy appreciate his wife and feels like he won a big prize, and doubly so because she pursued him? Were they friends/co-workers first and she pursued him? I would get more details from the guys that are saying this worked.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2017 20:27     Subject: Ladies - Does actively pursuing a man you like work? Anyone got their hubby this way?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The women I know who did this have husbands who don't really want/appreciate them. My husband pursued me like I was the last woman on earth and still treats me that way.


+1 Same

Sure so you get so toad no one else wanted.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2017 20:12     Subject: Ladies - Does actively pursuing a man you like work? Anyone got their hubby this way?
Anonymous wrote:The women I know who did this have husbands who don't really want/appreciate them. My husband pursued me like I was the last woman on earth and still treats me that way.


+1 Same
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2017 19:46     Subject: Ladies - Does actively pursuing a man you like work? Anyone got their hubby this way?
My sister got her husband this way and 4 years later, she is still bending over backwards to keep him while he acts as if he is doing her a favor by being with her. You might get a man by chasing, but from what I've seen, men are socialized not to respect women who chase.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2017 19:46     Subject: Ladies - Does actively pursuing a man you like work? Anyone got their hubby this way?
Anonymous wrote:The women I know who did this have husbands who don't really want/appreciate them. My husband pursued me like I was the last woman on earth and still treats me that way.


+ 1. Women need to make themselves worth pursuing. Not just beauty but brains, character, career and personality.