we rode bikes daily
learned to skate
took martial art classes
took sight seeing trips meaning exploring towns in and around our area within 1 or 2 hours
taught my kid basic cooking and baking skills

11yo DD has anxiety and doesn't like to try new things. Her psychiatrist had us each make a list of new things to do, small and large, and we had to try one thing a week for a few weeks, then two things a week, minimum. It could be something as simple as trying a new food or as large as visiting a new city. We consolidated our lists and added to it regularly. Eventually she got to where she could try new things with much less anxiety. She still has trouble with changes and transitions (we got new living room furniture and she cried because the living room is so different), but asking her to go to a different branch of the library (or go to the library at all), to try a new restaurant, or to go to a party or event is met with more excitement than anxiety/complaining.

Classes and sports are still met with more resistance though. She understands that most of the things on our list are only for a few hours, but a class or team activity is more of a long term commitment. She's still reluctant to try those because she doesn't want to get locked in to something she hates for weeks or months.

So yeah, have him do things he doesn't feel comfortable with and eventually he'll be more comfortable with them. Try to get his input too. Maybe he'll be more receptive that way. And start sooner rather than later.

Anonymous wrote:I think more than one consecutive week of just sitting around the house is probably really bad for him, but how much more you need to do really depends on the layout of your existing plans. If you have, e.g., 3 empty weeks, I would book him into a camp he will tolerate for week 2 of the empty weeks and then plan to have one or the other parent take Wednesday off on the first and third empty weeks so that he has:
2 days netflix binge
Day with parent
2 days netflix binge

Week of camp

2 days netflix binge
Day with parent
2 days netflix binge

Op here. Good idea thanks!

I think more than one consecutive week of just sitting around the house is probably really bad for him, but how much more you need to do really depends on the layout of your existing plans. If you have, e.g., 3 empty weeks, I would book him into a camp he will tolerate for week 2 of the empty weeks and then plan to have one or the other parent take Wednesday off on the first and third empty weeks so that he has:
2 days netflix binge
Day with parent
2 days netflix binge

Week of camp

2 days netflix binge
Day with parent
2 days netflix binge

Would he be willing to work as a "CIT" (counselor in training) at a camp for younger kids? It's pretty much volunteer work, but could be fun for him.

Summer job maybe?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get that you don't want him to stay home because YOU are afraid he'll be bored or depressed, but have you talked to him about it? If he's anxious, he may enjoy the alone time to decompress.

I know when I was a kid, my parents never planned activities for me. Some days i was out all day with friends. Others, i was on the couch with a book just enjoying the quiet. He may like that better than being forced into activities that heighten his anxiety

Haven't you heard? That form of parenting is completely out of vogue.

And so is comprehensive reading. She said his friends wont be around. Think kids sit around reading books all summer? No, they watch Netflix and play COD and in this case, alone. Competely out of Vogue for todays educated parent.

Anonymous wrote:I get that you don't want him to stay home because YOU are afraid he'll be bored or depressed, but have you talked to him about it? If he's anxious, he may enjoy the alone time to decompress.

I know when I was a kid, my parents never planned activities for me. Some days i was out all day with friends. Others, i was on the couch with a book just enjoying the quiet. He may like that better than being forced into activities that heighten his anxiety

Times habe changed. He will be stsring a sceen all day. It's not healthy.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Some helpful responses, thanks. It's also not that his summer is completely devoid of anything as he'll be volunteering for two weeks, taking some theater classes part of one week, and doing a horse camp one week. We'll take a week's vacation at some point, so I guess we're partially covered for 4-5 weeks, but the summer is just so darn long.

We get it. He just needs not to be sitting at home for weeks and hours on end.

how about finding him some sort of job or internship where he can can some confidence, sense of self-worth, a sense of completion. At 13 he is plenty old enough.

Op here. Some helpful responses, thanks. It's also not that his summer is completely devoid of anything as he'll be volunteering for two weeks, taking some theater classes part of one week, and doing a horse camp one week. We'll take a week's vacation at some point, so I guess we're partially covered for 4-5 weeks, but the summer is just so darn long.

Anonymous wrote:I get that you don't want him to stay home because YOU are afraid he'll be bored or depressed, but have you talked to him about it? If he's anxious, he may enjoy the alone time to decompress.

I know when I was a kid, my parents never planned activities for me. Some days i was out all day with friends. Others, i was on the couch with a book just enjoying the quiet. He may like that better than being forced into activities that heighten his anxiety

Haven't you heard? That form of parenting is completely out of vogue.

If he likes computer games sign him up for a programming class. You are learning a skill and you get to create your own game. A lot of camps are only one week. I would sign him up for a few different things. If he doesn't love it after the first day it's easy to say only 4 more days.

Give him chores. One each day that will take some time to complete.

During my summers I'd wake up around 10 or 11, come down stairs and find my mother (who left at 7am!) had a helpful list of things for me to do before she got home at 3pm.

-mow the lawn
-dishes
-prep dinner
-organize my room
-clean bathrooms

Once I'd finished I was free to do other things (like watch tv).

Anonymous wrote:How about hiring an older "babysitter" for him - a few hours a day on weeks he isn't busy.

They could go to the movies, or bowling, or just go to the library, or take a walk. At least he won't be alone and it's something to do?

This. Some nice 20 year old dude would be fun.