Anonymous
05/19/2017 00:04
Subject: Why do bully personalities always seem to win?
Anonymous wrote:If this person is public figure, you could contact one of those Gawker type sites. They love exposing and ruining people, whether deserved or not.
I was thinking this or voodoo curse, seriously.
If you can't or aren't interested in moving far enough away for them to lose interest (assuming this harassment is more local and less virtual) then exposing is not a bad way to go.
Have you consulted a lawyer about their behavior?
Anonymous
05/18/2017 23:54
Subject: Why do bully personalities always seem to win?
Anonymous wrote:The rational strategy is to respond in kind.
With the Prisoner's dilemma, two people being nice both win a little. Where one person is nice and one person is an asshole, the asshole wins big and the nice person loses big. Where both people are assholes, both people lose (but not as much as the nice person facing the asshole).
The rational strategy is to start nice but, if the other person goes the asshole route, you respond in kind until they change.
This. DH and I have learned the hard way that the best way to deal with a bully is to either hit back hard in a visible fashion (so others see the bullies response) or stay silent and remove yourself entirely. (For example, leave a job or move away from the person or family member.
I've been trying to be silent, be nice, to older family members for decades. Finally, after the death of my parent, I just said screw it, and started treating them like they treat me. Wish I had done this much sooner, but my parent would have gone ballistic.
Anonymous
05/18/2017 23:22
Subject: Why do bully personalities always seem to win?
Your post is too vague to really give you good advice.
It's unclear to me whether or not this bully is related to you in some way.
Without knowing the bully's relationship to you (relative, work associate, neighbor, random acquaintance), it's impossible to give guidance.
Can you at least say the nature of your relationship with this person?
Would getting a restraining order help?
I agree with the PP that, at the least, you need to find a lawyer to talk to (even if you decide to move away). The question is what kind of lawyer should you get. That depends on the nature of this person's relationship to you and the nature of the bullying.
It's unclear to me whether or not this bully is related to you in some way.
Without knowing the bully's relationship to you (relative, work associate, neighbor, random acquaintance), it's impossible to give guidance.
Can you at least say the nature of your relationship with this person?
Would getting a restraining order help?
I agree with the PP that, at the least, you need to find a lawyer to talk to (even if you decide to move away). The question is what kind of lawyer should you get. That depends on the nature of this person's relationship to you and the nature of the bullying.
Anonymous
05/18/2017 23:16
Subject: Why do bully personalities always seem to win?
Anonymous wrote:Master the art of staying silent.
It's really beneficial but so, so hard for so, so many.
When I say silent, I mean not engaging at all with the person, not giving away any of your personal information to anyone at any time, not answering regarding jabs people take at you or gossip they report.
NP here. That strategy does not always work. Sometimes it makes the situation worse.
If you are in a bully's crosshairs, the staying silent thing isn't going to work anymore. If anything, it makes the bully ever more determined to mess with you.
Anonymous
05/18/2017 20:49
Subject: Why do bully personalities always seem to win?
they don't always "win"
Anonymous
05/18/2017 20:48
Subject: Why do bully personalities always seem to win?
Because aggression wins, period.
That's how it is in nature, and that's how it is with humanity.
Bullies are aggressive. Aggression wins. Bullies are winners.
That's how it is in nature, and that's how it is with humanity.
Bullies are aggressive. Aggression wins. Bullies are winners.
Anonymous
05/18/2017 20:21
Subject: Why do bully personalities always seem to win?
I would not engage with this person since you said he/she is unhinged. It may escalate badly for you. I'd document as much as you can and try to remove yourself further if possible. Move to another neighborhood, switch schools, change jobs, etc. Also, you could overtly document too - that might make this person step back a bit. Take out the phone and record as soon as they start talking.
Anonymous
05/18/2017 20:11
Subject: Why do bully personalities always seem to win?
Women sleep with A-holes and give themselves to such cretins unreservedly until something jars them awake.
Anonymous
05/18/2017 14:49
Subject: Why do bully personalities always seem to win?
Anonymous wrote:Are you the Poldarks?
OMG LOL.
I miss Ross.
Anonymous
05/18/2017 14:48
Subject: Re:Why do bully personalities always seem to win?
Life exists beyond the beltway. You can only take the high road for so long.
Anonymous
05/18/2017 14:38
Subject: Why do bully personalities always seem to win?
Way too vague. How can anyone manipulate you if you don't see or speak to them? Why are they interested in you? So they are spreading lies about you? Any you have a business that s being effected? Go see an attorney.
Anonymous
05/18/2017 14:17
Subject: Why do bully personalities always seem to win?
Anonymous wrote:
In the Usual Suspects there's something about what makes Kaiser Sose so scary, and that's that he is always willing to go one step further than the other person. It keeps people in check.
I've had instances when I Tigressed out and "went there" with a bully. Crushed their power by demonstrating how I was willing to go further than the brief intimidation they desired.
In your situation, with others at stake, you have to consider the pay off. What would a "win" look like for you AND what will the consequences be for the people you aim to protect, your children, your future?
Sounds like a mighty inheritance is at stake. If so, find your balance and tow the line. I wouldn't give up a $5m pay off for my children for the brief release of a good telling-off. Hide, send cards (always handmade from the children), get a prescription that allows you to interact (but not drink) at forced get togethers. Sacrifice is its own strength. You're just playing the long game. It's okay, OP.
Outli ing them and retaining the love of your family is the win. Not constant, well-intentioned combat. Those are film heroes. Real heroes take it on the chin and get through the day.
Best of luck to you!
Who is this PP? I want to hang out with you!
Anonymous
05/18/2017 13:55
Subject: Why do bully personalities always seem to win?
Anonymous wrote:If this is causing you this much stress maybe you will be able to get a no contact restraining order (no direct or indirect contact).
I would phone the police station (the detachment itself, not 911) and ask. Otherwise a lawyer could help you file for the order too.
It's harassing you and your family and you sound like you've tolerated a lot. Get the order and breathe easier.
+1
Document and lawyer up. Be sure to hire someone with a specialty in the area you need (NOT a neighborhood lawyer) - this is not the time for free advice, worth only what you pay. You have a plethora of legal options available to you, you just don't know what they are yet. Once you provide specifics to a professional or two (or as many as you might need), it will be worth the investment to see the predator go down hard. Not that difficult. GL.
Anonymous
05/18/2017 13:31
Subject: Why do bully personalities always seem to win?
If this person is public figure, you could contact one of those Gawker type sites. They love exposing and ruining people, whether deserved or not.
Anonymous
05/18/2017 13:31
Subject: Why do bully personalities always seem to win?
This is scary to read.