To give another perspective, I'm also an adult adoptee and an adoptive parent, and we used an agency that had a heritage program that allowed us to specify gender (we were open to both, with the understanding that there were many more boys needing families than girls).

I believe the right adoption will find a fit that takes into account both the child and the family; it's not one or the other, but both.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but that is a BS answer.
You want one of each, just say it.

Not OP but what the hell is wrong with you? Who died and put you in charge of "acceptable" reasons for gender preference?

NP here. Adoption is supposed to be about finding families for children who need them, not filling orders to fulfill adoptive parent fantasies.

Who are you to say what adoption "is supposed to be about"?

Adoption is supposed to be about the child. Good lord, how can you not see that?!! Disgusting.

Are you an adoptive parent, adopted child, or birth mother?

I posted the bolded part above. I am an adopted person and a parent via adoption. We did not specify gender.
When we were in the adoption process, our agency told us that if given a choice, 80% of American prospective parents choose girls. The reasons vary, but they are generally not reasons that have anything to do with the best interests of the child.

OP, not to pile on, but I seriously have to ask if you’ve given one smidgen of a thought or any consideration to the biological mother in your wish list? So, you want a newborn. And a girl.

You’re going to go through the process – put your family out there with an agency, who will be looking for a pregnant woman who chooses to put her baby up for adoption. She gets to choose the family. She will look at several - possibly hundreds of family profiles, pictures (probably), lifestyles, and make this HUGE decision of which family her unborn baby will go to.

Then the baby is born. It’s a boy. You will seriously just walk away and leave her? She would be crushed. I know, because this happened to someone I know. She cried for months when she found out she was pregnant. Agonized over hundreds of families, wanting the best for her child. Picked a family that she got to know – and who got to know her. Then, for reasons I won’t say here, when she gave birth, that family walked away. She was broken.

So, good luck in handpicking your child in a way that you pick a dog from the kennel. I really hope you decide against adoption and just be happy with what you have.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No idea what the adoption Triad is.
Sorry.

I rest my case.

Your ignorant about this thread.

*You're*

Anonymous wrote:No idea what the adoption Triad is.
Sorry.

I rest my case.

Your ignorant about this thread.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but that is a BS answer.
You want one of each, just say it.

Not OP but what the hell is wrong with you? Who died and put you in charge of "acceptable" reasons for gender preference?

NP here. Adoption is supposed to be about finding families for children who need them, not filling orders to fulfill adoptive parent fantasies.

Who are you to say what adoption "is supposed to be about"?

Adoption is supposed to be about the child. Good lord, how can you not see that?!! Disgusting.

Are you an adoptive parent, adopted child, or birth mother?

I'm the child of an adopted child. My mother is an incredibly damaged individual and adoption played some (not all) role in that. Adoption IS supposed to be be about finding homes for children not the other way around. And fwiw - I have experienced infertility myself and I also worked in the child welfare system for several years. I am familiar with several different aspects of adoption as well as the personal longing for a child but adoption still should be about the needs of the child.

Anonymous wrote:Biological mothers also have little control over issues like birth defects (not all are caused by unhealthy life choices), sex of the child, temperament, and a host of other things.

I think adoption is great and admire those who go through the process, but struggle to understand how they can say on one hand how much they want a child but then put all of these qualifiers on it, its like, either you want to be a parent and all that entails or you don't. I can see how certain birth defects may be deal breakers but something like sex? for a couple who wants a child so badly? That is just hard to understand and I can see why agencies would not allow gender selection being an option

I agree.

I am not part of the triad but do have family members who have been adopted into our family.

I am not claiming to be an expert on anything. Just struggling to understand why some people who want a child so badly don't think they can love one of a certain sex or don't want to raise one of a certain sex. Seems like such a trivial thing to get hung up on if you desperately want a child.

that is all.
judge away.

No idea what the adoption Triad is.
Sorry.

Anonymous wrote:Biological mothers also have little control over issues like birth defects (not all are caused by unhealthy life choices), sex of the child, temperament, and a host of other things.

I think adoption is great and admire those who go through the process, but struggle to understand how they can say on one hand how much they want a child but then put all of these qualifiers on it, its like, either you want to be a parent and all that entails or you don't. I can see how certain birth defects may be deal breakers but something like sex? for a couple who wants a child so badly? That is just hard to understand and I can see why agencies would not allow gender selection being an option

Curious about you, too. Are you part of the adoption triad?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but that is a BS answer.
You want one of each, just say it.

Not OP but what the hell is wrong with you? Who died and put you in charge of "acceptable" reasons for gender preference?

NP here. Adoption is supposed to be about finding families for children who need them, not filling orders to fulfill adoptive parent fantasies.

Who are you to say what adoption "is supposed to be about"?

Adoption is supposed to be about the child. Good lord, how can you not see that?!! Disgusting.

Are you an adoptive parent, adopted child, or birth mother?

Biological mothers also have little control over issues like birth defects (not all are caused by unhealthy life choices), sex of the child, temperament, and a host of other things.

I think adoption is great and admire those who go through the process, but struggle to understand how they can say on one hand how much they want a child but then put all of these qualifiers on it, its like, either you want to be a parent and all that entails or you don't. I can see how certain birth defects may be deal breakers but something like sex? for a couple who wants a child so badly? That is just hard to understand and I can see why agencies would not allow gender selection being an option

News flash..adoption can be about BOTH meeting the child's needs and fulfilling a gender preference for the OP.
It IS possible to offer a good home/loving family to a child needs it AND have the child be a preferred gender.

Adoption is hard. Really hard. It's a serious adjustment on the part of the child and the family. Attachment issues. Health issues. As the adoptive parent you have little control over what serious, life changing issues you could be bringing into your life. Adoptive families know that. So if they prefer to know the gender, good for them! That's probably the only thing they will know for sure about the child!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but that is a BS answer.
You want one of each, just say it.

Not OP but what the hell is wrong with you? Who died and put you in charge of "acceptable" reasons for gender preference?

NP here. Adoption is supposed to be about finding families for children who need them, not filling orders to fulfill adoptive parent fantasies.

Who are you to say what adoption "is supposed to be about"?

Adoption is supposed to be about the child. Good lord, how can you not see that?!! Disgusting.

OP, I don't mind that you want to specify gender, but what if you can't find an agency that allows it? Will you forgo a second child or gamble?