Anonymous wrote:15:28, you're a badass. How old is your child? I know it seems unlikely but I make a weekly list of what is good, but it's always short and I feel like I'm kidding myself.

Is it normal for one parent to really tumble into depression if a baby has SNs and he other spouse initially denies the necessity for assessments and services? I'm really asking.

No it is not normal. Not unheard of, but not normal. You've gotten some good advice here (get meds stat). Remind yourself that it will be financially harder if you separate now. Focus on medication and getting out of your depression first, job second, husband/divorce third.

OP,

I'm glad your kid is making good progress. I'm sorry for the stress of your marriage. In addition to getting an anti-depressant for yourself, I agree with others that it's a good idea.

In terms of stopping services, I would not. Your kid's made good progress, but it's easy to backslide. As long as you're offered services, take them. They don't offer them to kids who don't need them.

It's unclear if you have insurance, but if you do, I would consider getting a global evaluation by a developmental pediatrician at some point in the near future. Early interventions don't diagnose, and although you may not get a firm diagnosis from such an evaluation, I found an evaluation extremely valuable. It gave a good information of what to look for in future.

Lastly, I would read the Kazdin Method. You can probably find it at your local library. It basically helps you learn how to use positive reinforcement to shape behavior change. So for raising a strong willed child, it will teach you a lot.

If you suspect your husband has a problem with alcohol, I would go to an al-anon meeting. These are for the family and friends of alcoholics. You can't control his behavior, he needs to decide to make a change, however, you'll find support. Often times, people self medicate with alcohol when they are depressed. So try not to judge your husband. Alcoholism and depression are diseases. People don't want to be depressed alcoholics.

For you, in addition to meds, try to take care of yourself the best you can. I hope you find a social network where you live. Having a SN child can be isolating. Try to find parents who's kids also might be on the fringes. You can only do so much, so if you need to put the job search on the back burner, that's okay. Stay strong, and happy mother's day tomorrow.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your child even need interventions any more? It sounds like he is on track. I'd drop his therapy for a while and get yourself back on track with a therapist and meds if needed. Also enroll him in a supportive preschool so you don't feel like his care is all on you.

also, you need to get a job.

I'm posting again just to say, Jesus, I've been searching and applying. It's in the OP. I'm not giving details but it's a real search. Can people get the eff off off their high horses a la "get a job" when I would kill for a goddamned job?

OP,

I reported these intentionally unhelpful posts. Don't feed the trolls. People often say provocative things to make themselves feel good that they made someone else feel like sh*t.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your child even need interventions any more? It sounds like he is on track. I'd drop his therapy for a while and get yourself back on track with a therapist and meds if needed. Also enroll him in a supportive preschool so you don't feel like his care is all on you.

It does sound like OP's child is on track. OP, good job doing the work needed to support your child but kids are more resilient than adults. Time to stop hiding behind your child's (typical) needs and take care of yourself.

And even if he does need more therapy it does not sound particularly time sensitive at the moment. Much better to take a break and work on stabilizing mom emotionally and financially. Sounds like they could use a family therapist to develop discipline stragegies to deal with the screaming etc.

Anonymous wrote:Does your child even need interventions any more? It sounds like he is on track. I'd drop his therapy for a while and get yourself back on track with a therapist and meds if needed. Also enroll him in a supportive preschool so you don't feel like his care is all on you.

It does sound like OP's child is on track. OP, good job doing the work needed to support your child but kids are more resilient than adults. Time to stop hiding behind your child's (typical) needs and take care of yourself.

Just adding -- it's pretty common for dads to take a LONG time to recognize & accept that a child is SN. Like, several years after diagnosis. Frustrating, but common.

^ I'm sure you are right. I agree this is the best thing I can do right now.

Meds will help a lot with the anger at your toddler

Does your child even need interventions any more? It sounds like he is on track. I'd drop his therapy for a while and get yourself back on track with a therapist and meds if needed. Also enroll him in a supportive preschool so you don't feel like his care is all on you.

15:28, you're a badass. How old is your child? I know it seems unlikely but I make a weekly list of what is good, but it's always short and I feel like I'm kidding myself.

Is it normal for one parent to really tumble into depression if a baby has SNs and he other spouse initially denies the necessity for assessments and services? I'm really asking.

^ meds.
I'm such a shitty phone typist

OP again. Thanks for the real talk. I do want to get oneds and will discuss how to accomplish asap with doc. I also think while it reads as putting the cart before the horse that mess and keeping at therapy will help me make definitive moves to end things that are making me miserable. I didn't intend to bury the lead but my DH is, I believe, an alcoholic and seriously depressed. I have sought treatment, and he will not. I cannot make him do so, whereas i have tried, and have logged serious time in counseling. Also, while I understand it's age-appropriate my child's fits have been hard - I know, duh. But the short of it is that Larlo won't do the pt now - will cry when it's time to get ready for sessions, pulls away from the therapist. Because it's gross motor pt and not freezing we've tried to have sessions at our playground and being watched by other parents and nannies when my kid is shrieking no really sucks, and has stymied me and our (very sweet, not particularly creative) pt about how to cut that shit short and just get on with it. I hope medication can blunt how hard this "public" stuff is.

Lady, you need meds stat. It's hard to see because you are in it but the meds will make a huge difference.

It's time to go on meds for depression. I recommend Prozac or Lexapro. Things are bad right now, and meds will not make things worse. They are likely to make things better in the sense that you will have more perspective and ability to solve problems, whatever that solution looks like. This is Step #1. You need to do this for yourself in order to move to Step #2. It will help you to think more clearly and have hope for the future and have more energy for your job search (which I believe is a vital Step #2 for you. Any job will help your mental health).

I have a SN kid and an unemployed husband, so I have sympathy. But I have a happy life even with those strains (and they are strains). Those alone can, or can't, be draining, depending on so many other factors. It sounds like there are other problems not mentioned in your OP (DH's drinking?) that may be major issues here too.

You need med's to get out of your depression. Get to your primary care doc as they can prescribe them. Your therapist should encourage you to do so.