Anonymous
Post 05/13/2017 19:17     Subject: Say yes to 2nd date?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Went on a date last night with a guy I met on okCupid. It was a long date, above average conversation. We had been texting for almost 2 weeks beforehand. He is a very nice guy. It seems like he's really into me and sees a future with me. The thing is, in person, he had a kind of awkward energy about him and I didn't feel a ton of attraction. Do you trust your gut instinct here and move on, or would you give the guy another try? He was definitely very nervous.


You will much prefer a guy who isn't that into you, who ignores you, doesn't call or text, is smug and arrogant, who texts people while he's on a date with you? Who doesn't see a future with you beyond a BJ?

I'm like the guy you dated. Nice, kind, humble, and supposedly smart. But a bit awkward, and eager if I meet someone I like, because women I really like are uncommon.


Uh, no I don't want an asshole. I want someone who treats me well and I have a spark with. It's ok to want both.

Those women you like who are really uncommon, does physical attraction come into play or is it just about their brilliant minds? Women have every right to want to feel strong attraction to a partner, same as men.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2017 18:55     Subject: Say yes to 2nd date?
OP here - thank you everyone for your comments. Lots of good food for thought.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2017 18:54     Subject: Re:Say yes to 2nd date?
Anonymous wrote:How old are you/him?


I'm 36. I have two kids. He's 40.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2017 18:38     Subject: Say yes to 2nd date?
Anonymous wrote:How does a guy see a future with you just from one date?


Yeah, this gives me some concern, too.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2017 18:26     Subject: Say yes to 2nd date?
Anonymous wrote:Above-average conversation and a little awkward? I'd have a second date.

Ditto
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2017 18:16     Subject: Say yes to 2nd date?
Find out if he has a great package and knows how to use it.
Before making your decision. Test drive.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2017 18:06     Subject: Re:Say yes to 2nd date?
How old are you/him?
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2017 16:20     Subject: Say yes to 2nd date?
Anonymous wrote:Went on a date last night with a guy I met on okCupid. It was a long date, above average conversation. We had been texting for almost 2 weeks beforehand. He is a very nice guy. It seems like he's really into me and sees a future with me. The thing is, in person, he had a kind of awkward energy about him and I didn't feel a ton of attraction. Do you trust your gut instinct here and move on, or would you give the guy another try? He was definitely very nervous.

I almost feel like if I see him again, I'm leading him on, I don't want to hurt his feelings. But is it possible that he was really off last night and I will get more into him if we spend more time together? I know anything's possible, but what's your experience/advice?

What I've learned from this is it's better to meet quicker and see what it's like in real life! (hard because we are both busy) But that's what I will try to do in the future.

Thoughts?


OP, if your question is should you do a second date, well, it depends.

Are you looking to find a relationship? If so, then of course you do. You can't make a decision based on one date and neither can he.

Are you looking to just go out, meet people and have a good time? If so, then you do a second date if and when it fits your schedule. Maybe, maybe not, depends on what comes up next on OKCupid.

It's really not that hard of a decision to make. At this point, it's all about you and what you want.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2017 16:19     Subject: Say yes to 2nd date?
Given you description, it sounds like you are just unsure. First dates are often awkward. As long as you didn't get a "creeper" or serial killer vibe, of course you go on a 2nd date if he asks. That's not leading him on. If the 2nd date doesn't improve at all or goes worse, then cut it off. If you see more reason for hope, go for date 3, provided he offers.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2017 16:08     Subject: Say yes to 2nd date?
I'd do a second date. Sometimes people are just too nervous to be themselves, so I would give him another chance and see if he can be more relaxed.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2017 15:33     Subject: Say yes to 2nd date?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I used to use the one-date rule. Unless I felt something terrible, I would always go on one date but not hesitate to turn down date two. I did this after talking with guy friends - I thought I might be hurting guys' feelings, but they all said they prefer that women would be up front. They also have nothing invested in it at this point and would also move on.


Don't do me any favors. Don't even go on one date with me if you don't think I'll be compatible. I had this happen recently--woman showed up and said she didn't think I seemed very good on paper (I have young children) but wanted to find out. I have lots of other things I can do on an evening including meeting women in my queue who might actually be into me.


I'm not "doing you any favors". Unless my spidey sense went off, I'm going to see if there might be something there. I thought that's what we both were looking for in seeking a prospective partner and why we're looking to date. I'm not trying to fleece you out of dinner or something.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2017 15:32     Subject: Say yes to 2nd date?
Anonymous wrote:Above-average conversation and a little awkward? I'd have a second date.


+1
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2017 15:16     Subject: Re:Say yes to 2nd date?
Sometimes people can be overly nervous on the first or even second date. If you still feel the same after date 2 or even 3, then don't let it go any further.

Have a coffee or drinks only date so that if it feels weird, you don't have to sit through an entire meal.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2017 14:58     Subject: Say yes to 2nd date?
Anonymous wrote:Trust your gut. I didn't andended up married to someone I should not have married. I ignored weirdness. Don't ignore anything. No more than one more date. No mercy or pity dates.


NP here. I did exactly the same thing as PP and regret it.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2017 14:13     Subject: Say yes to 2nd date?
Above-average conversation and a little awkward? I'd have a second date.