Anonymous wrote:What about nerds? Science or social science PhD's?
I played on a social science PhD sports team because my major, the more nerdy engineering program didn't have a team (or know what a ball was), and that is where I met my DH. Not by design - I had no intention of marrying but after a few years I relented.
If they are near the end of their academic program they might be ready for marriage. It's not necessarily a high socioeconomic pairing but intellect can make a great companion- always something to chat about.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you spot/date these guys?

The experience that my friends and I have had is with guys who we have had to chase on some level. They either do not want to be boyfriends, or they are not ready to propose even though they tell you they love you more than anything etc. Don't text and call very often etc

I saw another girl I know whose courtship was completely dissimilar to the pattern I am familiar with.

Guy saw her, was interested but had a girlfriend. Guy breaks up with girlfriend. Guy pursues the girl for about a year until she says yes. He texts/calls all the time, initiates dates, showers her with presents, includes him with his family all without her having to say or do anything.

What alternate reality is this? I want a guy like that!!

This is going to sound like a jerk DCUM thing to say, but I don't mean it as such. You are pursuing guys out of your league, either in terms of professional status or looks or something. Lots of men will string along women that they're not terribly interested in for sex or attention, while still looking for a marriage partner.

This view that you have, which is "I am an incredibly desirable woman but DC is overwhelmed by a plague of 'commitment-phobe' men who are 'afraid to commit'" is not an accurate description of reality. You are pursuing men who are only marginally interested in you. Open up your restrictions a little and you will find someone who will commit to you.

Anonymous wrote:How do you spot/date these guys?

The experience that my friends and I have had is with guys who we have had to chase on some level. They either do not want to be boyfriends, or they are not ready to propose even though they tell you they love you more than anything etc. Don't text and call very often etc

I saw another girl I know whose courtship was completely dissimilar to the pattern I am familiar with.

Guy saw her, was interested but had a girlfriend. Guy breaks up with girlfriend. Guy pursues the girl for about a year until she says yes. He texts/calls all the time, initiates dates, showers her with presents, includes him with his family all without her having to say or do anything.

What alternate reality is this? I want a guy like that!!

Anonymous wrote:What about nerds? Science or social science PhD's?
I played on a social science PhD sports team because my major, the more nerdy engineering program didn't have a team (or know what a ball was), and that is where I met my DH. Not by design - I had no intention of marrying but after a few years I relented.
If they are near the end of their academic program they might be ready for marriage. It's not necessarily a high socioeconomic pairing but intellect can make a great companion- always something to chat about.

Anonymous wrote:This is how it works in the world of men. You meet women:

- some are haughty and stuck on themselves or
- you like them and they don't like you, or vice versa

You give up on it for a while.

Then, almost by serendipity you meet someone. She seems genuine, honest, open, easy to talk to, has a career, etc. You see the potential and things roll from there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to "next" every guy who doesn't show adequate interest. This is how you'll eventually come across that difficult-to-find person who you are interested in who also is really interested in you.

Don't give anyone more than 1-2 months of dating without having a pretty clear idea they are really into you and consistent about showing it.

Also, don't do any chasing or pursuing. Just be very responsive to the moves they make. If you do the chasing, you won't get to see for yourself whether they are very interested in you..

Finally, try to identify 1-2 qualities that are a big deal to most women but are not a big deal to you. I'll illustrate this with an example - My husband is really a great "catch" but he is "only" 5'10." A lot of women insist on someone quite tall and height was never a really big thing to me. So I didn't focus on tall guys. I focused on guys a little bit shorter so I didn't have to sell myself short (see what I did there? )on other things I cared about. I have another friend who likes both white guys and asian guys. Since asian guys are less in demand (no offense asian guys...) she decided to focus on them. She just married a wonderful asian guy who she is very attracted to and treats her like gold.

Those are my tips!

I know a number of women who have tried this strategy to avoid "selling themselves short" (i.e. marrying a less successful man), but it rarely works. Very successful guys don't take a discount on market value just because they're short. I know a wealthy guy who's 5'5", divorced and with 2 adult kids he spends a lot of time with. Women pursue him endlessly.

Most women who are able to marry a guy above their league did some subtle pursuing along the way.

I am PP. It worked for me, and I didn't do any pursuing. I didn't say my husband was a CEO at 32 either, so maybe your definition of "very successful" is not what I meant by "catch." I am very pleased with my lot, though.

In any case I'll add that if you pursue your husband before marriage you'll be doing it afterwards, too... something to think about.

Sorry, that's a myth in my experience.

I know plenty of women who dated men below their league. These men pursued intensely because they weren't used to being able to date decent looking women from good backgrounds. These men didn't treat their wives like prizes after marriage. Many sat around while the wife ended up making more than half the household income and doing all the chores. Meanwhile, the women I know who quietly made things happen with better quality men ended up with great marriages and awesome lifestyles.

No where did I say ANYTHING about "below their league." There is an element to compatibility and love to all of this, too, believe it or not. In other words, if you take 10 men who are roughly of the same high quality, 9 of these men might marry you if you do some of the work for them because they believe you will continue to be easy to deal with after marriage and that is appealing. But 1 of them might actually share a strong connection with you and be particularly attracted to your physical type, motivating him to pursue you a little above and beyond. It's quite nice to be married to such a man. But then again there are women who just care about "awesome lifestyles" and don't actually want a strong connection with their husbands anyway. Maybe that's you and your friends. Rock on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to "next" every guy who doesn't show adequate interest. This is how you'll eventually come across that difficult-to-find person who you are interested in who also is really interested in you.

Don't give anyone more than 1-2 months of dating without having a pretty clear idea they are really into you and consistent about showing it.

Also, don't do any chasing or pursuing. Just be very responsive to the moves they make. If you do the chasing, you won't get to see for yourself whether they are very interested in you..

Finally, try to identify 1-2 qualities that are a big deal to most women but are not a big deal to you. I'll illustrate this with an example - My husband is really a great "catch" but he is "only" 5'10." A lot of women insist on someone quite tall and height was never a really big thing to me. So I didn't focus on tall guys. I focused on guys a little bit shorter so I didn't have to sell myself short (see what I did there? )on other things I cared about. I have another friend who likes both white guys and asian guys. Since asian guys are less in demand (no offense asian guys...) she decided to focus on them. She just married a wonderful asian guy who she is very attracted to and treats her like gold.

Those are my tips!

I know a number of women who have tried this strategy to avoid "selling themselves short" (i.e. marrying a less successful man), but it rarely works. Very successful guys don't take a discount on market value just because they're short. I know a wealthy guy who's 5'5", divorced and with 2 adult kids he spends a lot of time with. Women pursue him endlessly.

Most women who are able to marry a guy above their league did some subtle pursuing along the way.

I am PP. It worked for me, and I didn't do any pursuing. I didn't say my husband was a CEO at 32 either, so maybe your definition of "very successful" is not what I meant by "catch." I am very pleased with my lot, though.

In any case I'll add that if you pursue your husband before marriage you'll be doing it afterwards, too... something to think about.

Sorry, that's a myth in my experience.

I know plenty of women who dated men below their league. These men pursued intensely because they weren't used to being able to date decent looking women from good backgrounds. These men didn't treat their wives like prizes after marriage. Many sat around while the wife ended up making more than half the household income and doing all the chores. Meanwhile, the women I know who quietly made things happen with better quality men ended up with great marriages and awesome lifestyles.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to "next" every guy who doesn't show adequate interest. This is how you'll eventually come across that difficult-to-find person who you are interested in who also is really interested in you.

Don't give anyone more than 1-2 months of dating without having a pretty clear idea they are really into you and consistent about showing it.

Also, don't do any chasing or pursuing. Just be very responsive to the moves they make. If you do the chasing, you won't get to see for yourself whether they are very interested in you..

Finally, try to identify 1-2 qualities that are a big deal to most women but are not a big deal to you. I'll illustrate this with an example - My husband is really a great "catch" but he is "only" 5'10." A lot of women insist on someone quite tall and height was never a really big thing to me. So I didn't focus on tall guys. I focused on guys a little bit shorter so I didn't have to sell myself short (see what I did there? )on other things I cared about. I have another friend who likes both white guys and asian guys. Since asian guys are less in demand (no offense asian guys...) she decided to focus on them. She just married a wonderful asian guy who she is very attracted to and treats her like gold.

Those are my tips!

I know a number of women who have tried this strategy to avoid "selling themselves short" (i.e. marrying a less successful man), but it rarely works. Very successful guys don't take a discount on market value just because they're short. I know a wealthy guy who's 5'5", divorced and with 2 adult kids he spends a lot of time with. Women pursue him endlessly.

Most women who are able to marry a guy above their league did some subtle pursuing along the way.

I am PP. It worked for me, and I didn't do any pursuing. I didn't say my husband was a CEO at 32 either, so maybe your definition of "very successful" is not what I meant by "catch." I am very pleased with my lot, though.

In any case I'll add that if you pursue your husband before marriage you'll be doing it afterwards, too... something to think about.

Anonymous wrote:Women who are most successful at dating know how to subtly pursue while always making it seem like man's idea. Asian women are skilled at this, which is why they are able to marry better than their looks would usually allow.