Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would do it if husband was on board. maybe he will agree to it in exchange for lowering child support.

If the kids are living with her and it's not economically feasible then of course she should move. They'll have to figure out holidays, summers or however it works out. I moved before we divorced and established residency. The divorce wasn't put through until 1.5 years later so nothing could be done. Some need to move for finances or family support.

OP maybe just do a separation and see how it works for a year or so. Move and see how you all do with the kids visiting DH. It can work well. He can see them Christmas vacations, spring break, summers etc.

And that's a good idea to offer lower child support so it can be a win win for all.

If OP's STBX wants joint custody as per the OP there's about a 0% chance he's going to agree to this. Kids living a few hours away and only seeing them over the summer and on vacations...good luck getting him to agree.

The only reason it worked in your particular situation is because your Ex didn't object. If your ex wanted to fight you over it he could have requested a temporary custody order.

I posted earlier in the threat asking if there is a way to work it out. I am asking this in the most sincere way. Divorce sucks. There is nothing rosy about it. You think it will be better, but it almost never is. You will be ruined financially, emotionally, you will never have time for yourself. You will probably fight endlessly about the decisions regarding your children. The fights you were having in your marriage usually just get worse.

Anyway, if you must, get a divorce. But it's worth reconsidering. Money is not a small reason to try to stay married.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would do it if husband was on board. maybe he will agree to it in exchange for lowering child support.

If the kids are living with her and it's not economically feasible then of course she should move. They'll have to figure out holidays, summers or however it works out. I moved before we divorced and established residency. The divorce wasn't put through until 1.5 years later so nothing could be done. Some need to move for finances or family support.

OP maybe just do a separation and see how it works for a year or so. Move and see how you all do with the kids visiting DH. It can work well. He can see them Christmas vacations, spring break, summers etc.

And that's a good idea to offer lower child support so it can be a win win for all.

If OP's income is that low such that rent would be 50% of her take home and her STBX is only making $30K more than her he's not making that much either. Perhaps you guys can reach an agreement to both move to a LCOL area or perhaps even just a less expensive part of this area like Leesburg.

Cost of living in this area is high but as a single mom I have to suggest that many things parents absolutely believe their kids need, they don't. When my guy was little we lived in a one bedroom. I have shared custody and slept in bedroom when he was at his dads and slept on sleeper sofa in main roomwhen I had him. Are you sure you need a two bedroom? I used a pay per use cell phone and used my work line for most calls. We did not have cable. This was not the hardship people imagine, we spent most of our time out of the house, at public library, at public pool, at playgrounds... I rented a DVD from library to give myself time to cook in evenings.

I will also say if XS wants shared custody, you may find yourself spending the money you planned on "saving" on legal fees. Moving out of area is a big deal in joint custody cases.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is likely a tough sell in any of the local jurisdictions unless the father is on board. Speak to an attorney about the specifics of your situation before making any plans.

--VA family law attorney

So she's supposed to be homeless?

I hate this father's rights bullshit.

Why is it bullshit? Fathers lose their rights the moment divorce gets mentioned? Are you insane?

Because most fathers just want to get out of paying child support. If they were that attached to the family, there wouldn't be a divorce.

Divorce is about mom and dad not able to be married anymore. The dad probably doesn't want to be with the mom anymore. Not wanting to be with the mom anymore does not mean the dad doesn't want to be an integral part of his kids lives.

"The dad probably doesn't want to be with the mom anymore." Maybe mom doesn't want to be with dad? Feminists!

No need to argue semantics. The point is that the parents, either or both, don't want to be together anymore. The fact that they don't want to be married has nothing to do with the individual relationships each adult has with their children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is likely a tough sell in any of the local jurisdictions unless the father is on board. Speak to an attorney about the specifics of your situation before making any plans.

--VA family law attorney

So she's supposed to be homeless?

I hate this father's rights bullshit.

Why is it bullshit? Fathers lose their rights the moment divorce gets mentioned? Are you insane?

Because most fathers just want to get out of paying child support. If they were that attached to the family, there wouldn't be a divorce.

Divorce is about mom and dad not able to be married anymore. The dad probably doesn't want to be with the mom anymore. Not wanting to be with the mom anymore does not mean the dad doesn't want to be an integral part of his kids lives.

"The dad probably doesn't want to be with the mom anymore." Maybe mom doesn't want to be with dad? Feminists!

Anonymous wrote:My two children share a bedroom by choice. It's REALLY not a hardship.

She's saying even in that scenario she would be spending 50% take home pay on rent- that is a hardship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is likely a tough sell in any of the local jurisdictions unless the father is on board. Speak to an attorney about the specifics of your situation before making any plans.

--VA family law attorney

So she's supposed to be homeless?

I hate this father's rights bullshit.

Why is it bullshit? Fathers lose their rights the moment divorce gets mentioned? Are you insane?

Because most fathers just want to get out of paying child support. If they were that attached to the family, there wouldn't be a divorce.

Divorce is about mom and dad not able to be married anymore. The dad probably doesn't want to be with the mom anymore. Not wanting to be with the mom anymore does not mean the dad doesn't want to be an integral part of his kids lives.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would do it if husband was on board. maybe he will agree to it in exchange for lowering child support.

Do you think this is all fathers care about? What if he gets custody and the mom pays supoort?

You can't do this morally or legally unless he agrees to it. Your options are cheaper apartment (you could do a 1 bedroom and you sleep in the living room); get a second job you work when your Ex has the kids; raid the 401k to tide you over until public school starts; or stay together a while longer.

OP, I would do it if husband was on board. maybe he will agree to it in exchange for lowering child support.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is likely a tough sell in any of the local jurisdictions unless the father is on board. Speak to an attorney about the specifics of your situation before making any plans.

--VA family law attorney

So she's supposed to be homeless?

I hate this father's rights bullshit.

Why is it bullshit? Fathers lose their rights the moment divorce gets mentioned? Are you insane?

Because most fathers just want to get out of paying child support. If they were that attached to the family, there wouldn't be a divorce.

What makes you think that? Do you think fathers can love their kids? Or vice versa? Maybe the wives are trash. Or maybe the mother's don't want to pay child support? Just saying.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is likely a tough sell in any of the local jurisdictions unless the father is on board. Speak to an attorney about the specifics of your situation before making any plans.

--VA family law attorney

So she's supposed to be homeless?

I hate this father's rights bullshit.

Why is it bullshit? Fathers lose their rights the moment divorce gets mentioned? Are you insane?

Because most fathers just want to get out of paying child support. If they were that attached to the family, there wouldn't be a divorce.

Ok so you really are an idiot. Good to know so I don't have to waste my time arguing.

-- divorced mom who completely disagrees

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is likely a tough sell in any of the local jurisdictions unless the father is on board. Speak to an attorney about the specifics of your situation before making any plans.

--VA family law attorney

So she's supposed to be homeless?

I hate this father's rights bullshit.

Why is it bullshit? Fathers lose their rights the moment divorce gets mentioned? Are you insane?

Because most fathers just want to get out of paying child support. If they were that attached to the family, there wouldn't be a divorce.