I've never really celebrated Mother's Day with my mom. Not a tradition in our culture. At some point during college we made a point to make our own tradition and do something that weekend. Like a walk or a picnic (but doesn't have to be Sunday). Mil is super chill and is happy with a card and a phone call that dh takes care of. Now with an infant we usually hang out with the 3 of us. This year because of schedules we will have breakfast with the inlaws on Sunday and I will see my parents on Saturday (baby comes to everything). Luckily everyone is local and sees each other often anyway.

Anonymous wrote:OMG, read the other 25 threads from woman complaining about not getting their "special day"

It is a day, it doesn't mean anything, give it to the biggest complainer, and if that isn't you, celebrate the fact that you aren't a brat.

+1

Anonymous wrote:
I don't understand this Mother's Day frenzy in this country.

Isn't this a holiday for new mothers? Can't the old mothers take a little less of the spotlight?
This is how it's celebrated in my home country.
That way everyone gets a turn!

Its definitely a tiny majority of people who get this up in arms over mother's day and family dynamics. Its just amplified here.

I think the flowers and firm "I am staying put" is warranted this year, with a new baby.

I am re-posting, however, with some changes, something I wrote in another thread.

Maybe it won't work for everybody, but this is what works for us.

We celebrate our roles as parents and spouses on our anniversary.

We each get a day off for parenting every five or six weeks or so. This way, we ALWAYS feel valued and rested.

While our parents are still alive, we celebrate them on Mother's and Father's day. ( Generally because their mothers are dead)

Our child is old enough now to do Mother's Day and Father's Day stuff for us on his own, which is great. But until he was able to facilitate that, we just let the day go for ourselves.

When our own parents die, we will probably take back the days for us.

We send flowers/gifts to both moms. But we've always celebrated Mother's Day as a nuclear family (and the inlaws only live 20 minutes away). I don't care really what we do but it's nice to have a day about me. My mom and MIL don't mind. I'm a mom too, they both have had years of Mother's Days. My SIL is child free and will spend it with my MIL and her MIL. My mom doesn't really care and recognizes it's my turn.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm really not a brat, I swear. But I've been feeling like the little red hen this past year. I have hosted them after the birth, the baptism, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter and now mothers day! No one helped me after I had the baby (other than DH). Is there some day that I get celebrated?!

My idea of mother's day is vastly different than theirs. We were going to go camping or do a picnic. My mom is going to want a fancy brunch downtown (which are probably booked already). And then MIL will be jealous we spent baby's first mother's day with my mom...

Tell both of the grandmothers that you already have plans. You're going camping. Don't apologize, no excuses, just "that doesn't work for us this year, we already made plans." Then, you schedule flowers to be delivered to each grandmother on Mother's Day and don't give it a second thought.

PP beat me to typing this exact post. Follow it exactly OP. If you choose not to, then you forfeit your right to complain about not spending the day how you wanted to. Set boundaries.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm really not a brat, I swear. But I've been feeling like the little red hen this past year. I have hosted them after the birth, the baptism, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter and now mothers day! No one helped me after I had the baby (other than DH). Is there some day that I get celebrated?!

My idea of mother's day is vastly different than theirs. We were going to go camping or do a picnic. My mom is going to want a fancy brunch downtown (which are probably booked already). And then MIL will be jealous we spent baby's first mother's day with my mom...

Tell both of the grandmothers that you already have plans. You're going camping. Don't apologize, no excuses, just "that doesn't work for us this year, we already made plans." Then, you schedule flowers to be delivered to each grandmother on Mother's Day and don't give it a second thought.

Anonymous wrote:OMG, read the other 25 threads from woman complaining about not getting their "special day"

It is a day, it doesn't mean anything, give it to the biggest complainer, and if that isn't you, celebrate the fact that you aren't a brat.

Hi mom!

When we were little, the kids and dad tried to make it a special day for mom. I don't remember grandma being the center of the activities, though I'm sure dad sent flowers. Nice to know that now that I'm a mom, everything is still all about you.

TELL THEM ALL NO! (Yes, I am shouting.)

Seriously, OP, tell them all you want is a quiet day with your DH and baby! That you will get together a different weekend.

All the grandparents live out of town for us. I sent my mom a present, and I really have no idea what/if DH is doing for his. She's not really into hallmark holidays, so I just let it alone.

The only time my mom and I have spent Mother's Day together was when she was here for the birth of our second child, which was pretty special. DH and my Dad got us a cake.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It could be worse, I'm a divorced lesbian. I think for your first year as a mom, you should get to choose what you want to do, after that it will be a negotiation, and you should get what you want some of the time, but other times you suck it up and make another mom happy.

I think this is the hardest thing as a mom. All I do is make other people happy and there's never even one day that's all about making me happy.

Oh, please. The odds are your mother & MIL will be dead in a few years than you can have mother's day. Of course then you will be like the poster that always says, "I lost my mother last year. I'd give anything now to spend mother's day with her."

Get over the fact that a Hallmark holiday will make you happy. It won't.

OP here. What? We still have 3/4 living grandmas, our moms are in their 50s and aren't dying any time soon. I don't see my mom and MIL rushing to have mother's day with their parents. We both also have siblings they could spend their mothers day with. The moms just want to spend their mothers day with the new baby.

If that's the case, and you are fine with them spending the day with you, then they come to you. But you aren't cooking or anything.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It could be worse, I'm a divorced lesbian. I think for your first year as a mom, you should get to choose what you want to do, after that it will be a negotiation, and you should get what you want some of the time, but other times you suck it up and make another mom happy.

I think this is the hardest thing as a mom. All I do is make other people happy and there's never even one day that's all about making me happy.

Oh, please. The odds are your mother & MIL will be dead in a few years than you can have mother's day. Of course then you will be like the poster that always says, "I lost my mother last year. I'd give anything now to spend mother's day with her."

Get over the fact that a Hallmark holiday will make you happy. It won't.

OP here. What? We still have 3/4 living grandmas, our moms are in their 50s and aren't dying any time soon. I don't see my mom and MIL rushing to have mother's day with their parents. We both also have siblings they could spend their mothers day with. The moms just want to spend their mothers day with the new baby.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It could be worse, I'm a divorced lesbian. I think for your first year as a mom, you should get to choose what you want to do, after that it will be a negotiation, and you should get what you want some of the time, but other times you suck it up and make another mom happy.

I think this is the hardest thing as a mom. All I do is make other people happy and there's never even one day that's all about making me happy.

Oh, please. The odds are your mother & MIL will be dead in a few years than you can have mother's day. Of course then you will be like the poster that always says, "I lost my mother last year. I'd give anything now to spend mother's day with her."

Get over the fact that a Hallmark holiday will make you happy. It won't.

I agree. But then why celebrate any mom? Why won't her mom or her MIL just accept that a Hallmark holiday won't make them happy too?

I don't understand this Mother's Day frenzy in this country.

Isn't this a holiday for new mothers? Can't the old mothers take a little less of the spotlight?
This is how it's celebrated in my home country.
That way everyone gets a turn!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It could be worse, I'm a divorced lesbian. I think for your first year as a mom, you should get to choose what you want to do, after that it will be a negotiation, and you should get what you want some of the time, but other times you suck it up and make another mom happy.

I think this is the hardest thing as a mom. All I do is make other people happy and there's never even one day that's all about making me happy.

Oh, please. The odds are your mother & MIL will be dead in a few years than you can have mother's day. Of course then you will be like the poster that always says, "I lost my mother last year. I'd give anything now to spend mother's day with her."

Get over the fact that a Hallmark holiday will make you happy. It won't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It could be worse, I'm a divorced lesbian. I think for your first year as a mom, you should get to choose what you want to do, after that it will be a negotiation, and you should get what you want some of the time, but other times you suck it up and make another mom happy.

I think this is the hardest thing as a mom. All I do is make other people happy and there's never even one day that's all about making me happy.

I agree OP.

And can anyone tell me why the hell it's always the damn mom's of sons who make the biggest fuss?

My mom couldn't care less. My husband's mom acts like she's queen!

I said F it this year. She wants to celebrate MOTHER'S Day so badly, she can have her son all damn day. But she's not getting this dog and pony show with grandkids to boot. I'm choosing me this year, and I want to sit in pajamas all day and let my kids eat junk food. Not getting up and rushing to a fussy brunch with rowdy kids in tow. You want to celebrate being MOM so bad, have your son.