I do so and almost without exception.

Anonymous wrote:My DH still thanks me for making dinner every night after we eat. He has no idea how much that means to me; it's one of the small, little ways I knows he cares for me. I thin these kindnesses are the things that help people fall in love with their spouse again and again.

This. I thank anyone who makers dinner every single time they do it, including my wife, mom, mother in law, etc. That's just good manners.

All the time. I would be aghast if DH started trying to give me orders or stopped with basic respectful communication.

Yes, of course we say please and thank you. It's not only about good manners, it's about gratitude and appreciation for others. Our children imitate us, and we get a lot of nice comments from people about their good manners.

Your husband was badly brought up, but he can still learn to be polite. It doesn't sound like he has a good attitude, though, which is the root of the problem.

Anonymous wrote:DH's requests always come in the form of demands- "go do ABC" or "why don't you XYZ". Sometimes it's a reasonable request, sometimes I'm in the middle of something else and he's capable of doing it himself. Even in those situations I'd be happy to do it if he would just ask nicely and say please. But he refuses to; I can't even remember the last time he said please and thank you. If I ask him to say please he gets very upset- "OH my GOD, it's JUST XYZ!!"

Do you still say please and thank you to your spouse or do you think it's unnecessary in marriage?

OP - We are all a "by-products of our environment". Further, our parents are most often our first role-models for relationships, good or bad. BL - your kids are watching and listening to the interaction of both of you and are taking notes. Do you not remember things like this from your parents when you were younger?

To answer your question, I was raised in the South where I was taught that basic courtesies were to be extended to everyone, all of the time. If your husband treats you like an indentured servant, he needs to wake up as it really just comes down to respect for your DH/DW...

LS

It's programmed deep into my being. I say please and thank you to Alexa even though it sometimes just confuses her

DH and I both always do.

Of course. A husband/wife deserves as much respect as a stanger/coworker/family. Etc.

I do. Dd 1 does. DH and dd 2 don't.

30 years together and we always say do.

But of course.

Sounds like your spouse could benefit from charm school.

Or an etiquette course.

Of course!

We even take time to tell each other little things we appreciate that the other did. A good tool against resentment that can come from getting bogged down in the slog of daily life.

Yes.

Of course. I like to think it's my immigrant roots, :p but my Californian and Connecticutian husband says these things too, so it must just be based on universal human manners.

It makes me angry just reading this. Why would someone think marriage earns him the right to be discourteous? And why would anyone WANT to be that way? It reminds me of when my dad went through a (thankfully) brief period where he thought he didn't need to ask us kids to do anything--he would just tell us. (E.g.: "Will you--no, you WILL wash the dishes.")It was incredibly off-putting and also ineffective.