Anonymous
Post 04/28/2017 09:36     Subject: Re:10 year old won't stay in his bed
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We always lock our door. Our room is ours, their rooms are theirs. Everyone is entitled to privacy. My youngest son has ADHD and has never come to our room at night. He is perfectly capable of entertaining himself if he wakes up, and nothing scares him. I haven't had a child sleep in my bed since he was a year old.


Well, let's hear it for the sancti-mommy with the perfect children... so glad you've finally showed up!

How exactly does your sanctimonious, judgemental & arrogant post help the OP anyway?


I didn't read this as sanctimonious or judgmental at all, but I do read a lot of "defensive " in your post. Simply because PP has had success with a stern, black and white approach doesn't make her wrong or judgmental at all. Looks like her approach has had success, as opposed to coddling and enabling.


PP's child had ADHD. That's very different than a child with anxiety disorder. I've had success with my kids sleeping in their beds too, but I'm not patting myself on the back for my "success" story. My kids don't have anxiety. My friend's kid does, and it permeates many aspects of her life. Until you've interacted with a child with real anxiety, you have no clue. I read the pp's post as sanctimonious and judgmental.
Anonymous
Post 04/28/2017 06:46     Subject: Re:10 year old won't stay in his bed
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We always lock our door. Our room is ours, their rooms are theirs. Everyone is entitled to privacy. My youngest son has ADHD and has never come to our room at night. He is perfectly capable of entertaining himself if he wakes up, and nothing scares him. I haven't had a child sleep in my bed since he was a year old.


Well, let's hear it for the sancti-mommy with the perfect children... so glad you've finally showed up!

How exactly does your sanctimonious, judgemental & arrogant post help the OP anyway?


I didn't read this as sanctimonious or judgmental at all, but I do read a lot of "defensive " in your post. Simply because PP has had success with a stern, black and white approach doesn't make her wrong or judgmental at all. Looks like her approach has had success, as opposed to coddling and enabling.
Anonymous
Post 04/28/2017 06:07     Subject: 10 year old won't stay in his bed
Anonymous wrote:This is attachment parenting gone off the rails. Give him cuddle time before bed but then require him to stay in his room.

No it's not. I'm one of the PPs who did this as a child, and I had never co-slept or even slept in my parents' room ever before I was 8 or 9. This is anxiety, and your child needs you, Op. it will stop - I promise. He won't insist you go to college with him. Give him a cot or sleeping bag in your room, tell him not to wake you when he comes in, take some melatonin yourself, and let everyone ride this one out.
Anonymous
Post 04/28/2017 01:10     Subject: 10 year old won't stay in his bed
This is attachment parenting gone off the rails. Give him cuddle time before bed but then require him to stay in his room.
Anonymous
Post 04/28/2017 00:29     Subject: 10 year old won't stay in his bed
Is he willing to sleep on foldout cot or sleeping bag on floor of your room by bed so he won't wake you up? Some nights I sleep in my 8 year old son's bed because he likes to crawl in bed with us at 2 am. When I want 8 hours of guaranteed sleep I just sleep in his bed so I don't hear my husband snoring and I don't get woken up,
Anonymous
Post 04/28/2017 00:26     Subject: 10 year old won't stay in his bed
OP, do NOT lock your door at night!

Clearly, the people who are suggesting this have NEVER had a child who suffers from anxiety come in their room at night.

Locking your door will only perpetuate the problem and make it much, much worse.

He comes in at night because he's looking for security, locking your door will make him feel unsafe, alone & scared and you will find yourself not only getting up in the middle of the night to unlock it, but you'll be dealing with a far bigger problem for many more years to come... trust me, I've dealt with this.
Anonymous
Post 04/28/2017 00:23     Subject: 10 year old won't stay in his bed
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Lock your door


This is THE worst piece of advice I've ever seen on DCUM.
You're a moron.

Really ? Sounds reasonable to me. Or better yet lock him in his room each night. This is why you should never co sleep not even with a newborn. Once out of the womb out of the room no matter what.


Oh yes, I see why you would think this would be reasonable advice, coming from the parent who suggests locking their child in their room at night.

Because that's exactly what children with anxiety need, to be locked away from the people they feel safest with.

Oh & what if there's, um.. I dont know a fire??

You can't possibly be that stupid...
Anonymous
Post 04/28/2017 00:20     Subject: Re:10 year old won't stay in his bed
Anonymous wrote:We always lock our door. Our room is ours, their rooms are theirs. Everyone is entitled to privacy. My youngest son has ADHD and has never come to our room at night. He is perfectly capable of entertaining himself if he wakes up, and nothing scares him. I haven't had a child sleep in my bed since he was a year old.


Well, let's hear it for the sancti-mommy with the perfect children... so glad you've finally showed up!

How exactly does your sanctimonious, judgemental & arrogant post help the OP anyway?
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2017 22:50     Subject: 10 year old won't stay in his bed
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Lock your door


This is THE worst piece of advice I've ever seen on DCUM.
You're a moron.

Really ? Sounds reasonable to me. Or better yet lock him in his room each night. This is why you should never co sleep not even with a newborn. Once out of the womb out of the room no matter what.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2017 22:45     Subject: 10 year old won't stay in his bed
OP, I posted already. The theme I see is that our kids gave this up with adolescence. If I were you, I'd just find a way to make the disruption less burdensome and then just deeply exhale knowing that's the problem will sort itself out.

I like the idea of a cot or air mattress in your room.

I wonder why you can't fall back asleep. Perhaps some melatonin for you, too?
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2017 22:44     Subject: 10 year old won't stay in his bed
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone for the feedback. The psychiatrist has worked with us on this, but we haven't seen much progress. He's actually the one who recommended upping the melatonin. While it's helped with the falling asleep, it hasn't helped with the staying asleep. Occasionally, we'll have a breakthrough. He'll sleep in his own room for a few weeks, and then he's back in our room for months. At this point I normally just go in the guest room to sleep and leave my husband, son, and the dog all cozied up together. For the most part I've been pretty accommodating, but sometimes I worry that I'm setting him up for worse issues in the future. The problem that I'm experiencing lately is that now I wake almost every morning at 3:00 am whether he wakes me up or not and I'm up for the day. It's really caused some issues with my health and my emotional well being. DH keeps saying that he won't be in our bed forever and that we should cherish the time we have with him. (Easy for him to say, since he sleeps like the dead!)

I appreciate knowing that we're not alone with this. Most of my son's friends have siblings, so they share a room if there's any nighttime anxiety. As an only child, we don't have that option. My husband and I also struggle with anxiety and have had sleep issues in the past. I know I should be more patient, but sometimes it's difficult when I'm running on a major sleep deficit.

Again, thanks so those of you who have empathized. I'm trying to be patient and understanding, but there are some days that the exhaustion overrides my compassion. We'll keep plugging along and will also try the sleeping bag idea. (again!)


Have tried leaving the hall or bathroom light outside your DC's room on at night? Also, leave your door ajar and tell him if he wakes up in the middle of the night you'll be able to hear him if he needs you. This worked with my DD. Now if she wakes up in the middle of the night, which rarely happens now, she'll yell up, and I tell her it's still night time, and she can come in after 5. Knowing she can call out from her bed and I'll hear really helped, as did the light and knowing she can come in at five if she wakes up again. I think you should try these and see if they help. Don't lock your door , it will make the anxiety worse.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2017 22:44     Subject: Re:10 year old won't stay in his bed
We always lock our door. Our room is ours, their rooms are theirs. Everyone is entitled to privacy. My youngest son has ADHD and has never come to our room at night. He is perfectly capable of entertaining himself if he wakes up, and nothing scares him. I haven't had a child sleep in my bed since he was a year old.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2017 22:06     Subject: Re:10 year old won't stay in his bed
Mine stopped right before his 13th birthday. I just let him stay as long as he felt he needed to. He tried to stop a few times but decided he wasn't ready so he came back. It's been a few years and he hasn't been back.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2017 22:00     Subject: 10 year old won't stay in his bed
Anonymous wrote:Lock your door


This is THE worst piece of advice I've ever seen on DCUM.
You're a moron.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2017 21:56     Subject: 10 year old won't stay in his bed
I was that kid, from ages 10-12 or so. I was having panic attacks in the middle of every night and going to my mom for comfort. My parents never really clued in what was happening (anxiety) so I didn't know until I was a grownup that all those long horrible nights of sobbing in my room for hours was just anxiety.

I know you're tired, but please don't leave your kid alone in the middle of the night to deal with this. I still struggle with being alone late at night.