Let me count the ways: gets the kids together for school including hot breakfast before he leaves for work, leaves hit coffee for me with a little love note, texts me during the day to tell me he's thinking of me, empty dishwasher before coming to bed after working late in his home office, sex two to three times a week, forces me to spend time with my crazy but lovable sister, let's me choose the channel, goes to hockey date nights with me even though he's all baseball, let's. E sleep in on Sunday's as long as I want, lives my mother, makes a pedicure appt with my favorite manicurist when the stress is showing from the office and sends me off for alone time. This man is amazing and we count our blessings everyday. We truly treasure each other.

9. Makes great money in his job

So much,

1. Cooks for me
2. Does all the maintenance and DIY around the house
3. Supports me emotionally with great advice and comfort.
4. Does more than his fair share of childcare
5. Shares household chores such as washing dishes and ironing
6. Takes very good care of me in the bedroom
7. Compliments the way I look and what I achieve
8. Buys me flowers regularly

He earns good money, he is a great dad, he fixes(successfully, all but plumbing tasks) house repairs. He fixes our cars to save money. He is overseas now, and even though I told him million times not to send any presents, he ordered a cake for my birthday, chocolate covered strawberries for Valentine's day. And other thoughtful presents for other occasions. When not overseas, we always go out for lunch if kids are in school and we both have time off. He listens to me venting about numerous issues(I explained to him that no action is required, just listening), he supports me and will tell his Dad when FIL is interfering in our kid's choosing what to study or which college to go to.

When I was working and left way earlier than he did, he'd make my coffee in the morning and have it ready to go on the counter. Now I stay home and he pays all of the bills and takes care of finances. Maintains the house and car. I do all of the cleaning and 99% of cooking. He helps a lot with DS on weekends. But we don't have sex much.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Our sex life is nonexistent right now. This is not unrelated. There is nothing sexy about a man who doesn't take care of you.

You realize there's a catch-22 there, right?

You don't want to have sex with him because he's not taking care of you. He doesn't want to take care of you because you're not having sex with him.

If a woman is affectionate and responds enthusiastically to a man's sexual advances, he will pay attention to her and cherish her.

If a woman is cold and rejects sex, he has no reason to pay attention to her or take care of her.

It doesn't work that way in our marriage.

I don't know why my husband takes such good care of me. He works. I am a Sahm. He drops the kids to school and he makes their lunch and breakfast. Then he comes home and makes dinner for us and cleans up the kitchen and puts food away. He pays the bills. He also gives me my morning cuppa. I do the laundry, grocert shopping, kids activities (every day except Sunday) and volunteering. I clean the whole house twice a week with the help of an hourly cleaning lady. I cook when we have to entertain. So, I am wondering how come he does all that when I am me?

We have a great sex life. Is it because he does a whole lot of work at home? Or he does a whole lot of work because the sex is so great? Earlier I used to think that I was very lucky. Now, thanks to DCUM, I have realized that oversexed wives don't have to lift a finger.

Everything. He cooks for me almost every night, gives me time off by playing with the baby, does most of the laundry, cleans up the kitchen after dinner, almost nightly back massages. He's an amazing partner, I thank my lucky stars every day for him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Our sex life is nonexistent right now. This is not unrelated. There is nothing sexy about a man who doesn't take care of you.

You realize there's a catch-22 there, right?

You don't want to have sex with him because he's not taking care of you. He doesn't want to take care of you because you're not having sex with him.

If a woman is affectionate and responds enthusiastically to a man's sexual advances, he will pay attention to her and cherish her.

If a woman is cold and rejects sex, he has no reason to pay attention to her or take care of her.

But the kindness to the woman needs to come first, since most women need to feel cared for to feel turned on.

LOL yeah all those women I had sex with in nightclub restrooms / in cars / at their place after I just met them, I could totally tell they needed to feel "cared for" before they'd have sex.

It is just as valid to say the sex has to come first, since most men need to have sex with a woman in order to care for her.

If you're in a "he doesn't care for me, I don't have sex with him" place, then you are both going to have to fake it for a while before things can revive. Taking EITHER selfish attitude ("she has to put out before I will start taking care of her" OR "he has to take care of me before I have sex with him") is not going to work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Our sex life is nonexistent right now. This is not unrelated. There is nothing sexy about a man who doesn't take care of you.

You realize there's a catch-22 there, right?

You don't want to have sex with him because he's not taking care of you. He doesn't want to take care of you because you're not having sex with him.

If a woman is affectionate and responds enthusiastically to a man's sexual advances, he will pay attention to her and cherish her.

If a woman is cold and rejects sex, he has no reason to pay attention to her or take care of her.

But the kindness to the woman needs to come first, since most women need to feel cared for to feel turned on.

Anonymous wrote:He helps me put groceries away most of the time.

He cooks greasy food that he loves and the kids and I don't like on the weekends, when he feels like it.

He mows the lawn weeks after he says he will if I don't hire someone to do it first. Sometimes it is too high for our mower when he tries, so we have to hire someone anyway.

He fixes stuff months after I ask him to, sometimes after the lack of maintenance has caused other problems.

When I explode every 6 months ago he'll do a chore like mop the floor or clean the bathroom.

He pays about 15% of our bills.

He provides zero emotional support. In fact, when I am stressed out or exhausted, he tends to go off the rails and make the situation worse.

That's about it. Going on 15 years. Only gets worse.

He helps me put groceries away most of the time.

He cooks greasy food that he loves and the kids and I don't like on the weekends, when he feels like it.

He mows the lawn weeks after he says he will if I don't hire someone to do it first. Sometimes it is too high for our mower when he tries, so we have to hire someone anyway.

He fixes stuff months after I ask him to, sometimes after the lack of maintenance has caused other problems.

When I explode every 6 months ago he'll do a chore like mop the floor or clean the bathroom.

He pays about 15% of our bills.

He provides zero emotional support. In fact, when I am stressed out or exhausted, he tends to go off the rails and make the situation worse.

That's about it. Going on 15 years. Only gets worse.

He unloads the dishwasher, because I loathe doing that.

Cleans up after dinner

Homework with the kids

Laundry

Does the morning routine when he's not traveling.

Makes waffles on Sunday mornings

Walks the dog

Listens and gives great advice

Gives great hugs

Encourages me to do stuff with friends

Takes me on vacations just the two of us and arranged for his parents to stay with the kids

Plans date nights

Has no opinion, yet is supportive of house remodeling projects both big and small over the years

Tells me he loves me

Kisses me on the forehead

Puts up with my dysfunctional and crazy family

Loves me for who I am. The good, the bad and the ugly.

He does what I ask him to do. He initiates nothing (well, except for sex). Not ideal, and it gets more irritating with every passing year, but we'really in a rut arrived for 15+years). Not sure what I can do to make him change, so I am just rolling with it.