20:30 here. That should be confident.

There is so much sadness on these threads I can hardly stand it. Pray to God for what you want. He may say yes / no / or wait. In the end we all end up in the same exact situation .

Anonymous wrote:I think weight matters to most men. But the women in DC tend to be less attractive than they are in other parts of the country. If she is pretty, intelligent, and has a good personality, she should do great.

I don't think this is true. Women in DC are probably average to above average, in terms of looks.

I think the issue is more than women in DC are relatively affluent and highly-educated, and they want a man on their level (or higher). Most women around here wouldn't dream of settling down with a guy who doesn't have a bachelor's degree (or even a master's in some cases). In most of the country, most people don't have degrees, and make like $50K per year. There just aren't that many men in the world who make six figures and have impressive educations and careers and are attractive and are somehow still available for you. The most basic guy that a DC woman is willing to "settle" for is a total catch in other parts of the country.

^^^ me again.

I should add that my experience (just guy friends I've known, friends of my husband), the geeky guy type usually thinks he deserves some kind of model, extremely physically gorgeous woman. I don't know what it is, but even if he's extremely unattractive, there's something about the geeky guy (especially the ones in IT) that he thinks because he's smart, he deserves a model.

Your friend might have better luck with men who are actually more conventionally attractive and socially confidant. Those men are usually the ones who are secure enough that they don't need to prove anything. They are confidant enough that they don't need a trophy girlfriend.

It's possible your friend is self-conscious about her weight and avoids men she thinks are too attractive to her. But as I said, in my experience, it's usually the sort of unattractive, geeky guys who seem to be more superficial when it comes to dating.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think DC sucks for dating period, it's not about weight. I know plenty of dream women who've been single for 8 years now. It's kinda insane.

Is that still the case? I know it was back when I was single in the 90s. Sometimes I think I settled because of it

Based on my anecdotal evidence watching friends, I think so. One of my friends is GORGEOUS, like stops men in their tracks gorgeous. I've never seen a woman get so many looks from men and women before. She's skinny, too. She's smart, has an MA, has a great job and drives an amazing luxury car. No debt. She's very picky about men so I'm sure that plays a role, but, even she has a hard time with the dating pool in DC and has been single for the majority of the time I've known her, which is about 10 years now. I know at least 4 other women who are similar to her but not as gorgeous yet quite beautiful and they are all single. No lack of meetups, dating apps, etc. The dating pool seems to stink. None of my married friends met their SO in DC, now that I think about it.

I understand that's the polite thing to say, but in most cases, the market is pretty effective. Your friend is picky, no crime in that.

She also sounds high maintenance, which will make the good guys run.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think DC sucks for dating period, it's not about weight. I know plenty of dream women who've been single for 8 years now. It's kinda insane.

Is that still the case? I know it was back when I was single in the 90s. Sometimes I think I settled because of it

Based on my anecdotal evidence watching friends, I think so. One of my friends is GORGEOUS, like stops men in their tracks gorgeous. I've never seen a woman get so many looks from men and women before. She's skinny, too. She's smart, has an MA, has a great job and drives an amazing luxury car. No debt. She's very picky about men so I'm sure that plays a role, but, even she has a hard time with the dating pool in DC and has been single for the majority of the time I've known her, which is about 10 years now. I know at least 4 other women who are similar to her but not as gorgeous yet quite beautiful and they are all single. No lack of meetups, dating apps, etc. The dating pool seems to stink. None of my married friends met their SO in DC, now that I think about it.

I understand that's the polite thing to say, but in most cases, the market is pretty effective. Your friend is picky, no crime in that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think DC sucks for dating period, it's not about weight. I know plenty of dream women who've been single for 8 years now. It's kinda insane.

Is that still the case? I know it was back when I was single in the 90s. Sometimes I think I settled because of it

Based on my anecdotal evidence watching friends, I think so. One of my friends is GORGEOUS, like stops men in their tracks gorgeous. I've never seen a woman get so many looks from men and women before. She's skinny, too. She's smart, has an MA, has a great job and drives an amazing luxury car. No debt. She's very picky about men so I'm sure that plays a role, but, even she has a hard time with the dating pool in DC and has been single for the majority of the time I've known her, which is about 10 years now. I know at least 4 other women who are similar to her but not as gorgeous yet quite beautiful and they are all single. No lack of meetups, dating apps, etc. The dating pool seems to stink. None of my married friends met their SO in DC, now that I think about it.

NP here. I have an attractive friend who has always been single. She thinks the dating pool is difficult here. But it's definitely that she is very picky. By "picky" I mean that she won't even take the time to get to know someone if they don't hit all of the boxes.

I didn't settle. And I don't think any woman should settle. But I do think that some women don't even let themselves get to know men before ruling them out. Men do it too.

To OP, I'm a woman, but I think some men prefer thin and some men actually prefer curvy. I think perhaps the geeky guys your friend focuses on probably have watched too many '80s movies and think that they are entitled to someone who looks like a model.

But on a serious note, my advice to your friend is that she is focuses too much on a "type" of guy. It seems like that "type" of guy tends not to be into her, so she really needs to widen her net and give other types of guys (and perhaps guys from other cultural backgrounds) a chance.

My attractive friend who has always been single also has a "type" of guy that she goes for. It's obvious to everyone but her that that "type" of guy will never go for her (even though she's physically gorgeous and smart and professionally successful). I won't go into the reasons, but it seems clear that "type" of guy isn't into the "type" she is beyond friendship/hooking up.

Your friend doesn't need to move as much as she needs to change the "type" she focuses on.

Anonymous wrote:She's been here for a while now, but her last serious boyfriend was elsewhere. She meets guys who will enjoy her company in private, but never make it official or turn it into a real relationship. And by enjoy her company I don't just mean booty calls. It's as if they really like her but are embarrassed to make it official and public. She doesn't go after high-income men, but she does place value on education and leans toward the nerdy/geeky guys. I'd love to see her with someone less geeky and more average and cheerful with a great personality. I think she inflates her "nerdiness" in order to create a signifier to attract highly intelligent men. Maybe that's an issue too. Where does an amazing fat girl meet a happy extrovert like herself? The suburbs? A different city? A time machine back to her early 20's?

I think women in DC have higher expectations for socioeconomic status in a potential mate than they do elsewhere. You have a lot of thirtysomething women holding out for a small pool of unicorns.

I curious as to why these men are "embarrassed" to make a relationship with her public.

I think weight matters to most men. But the women in DC tend to be less attractive than they are in other parts of the country. If she is pretty, intelligent, and has a good personality, she should do great.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To men: very very much.
To women: not so much

Then why the fuq bother be with anyone who only values you by your looks? I don't get it. I much rather be single for the rest of my life than live a life knowing if I put on weight, my husband or bf would be so embarrassed and not wanna be with me, or as suggested in the other threads cheat on me.

I highly advise that you remain single. Trust me, if you start out fit/in-shape, it best for everybody if you just remain that way
But if you find staying in-shape to be hard, and are planning to "let yourself go" later, it would be best if you did that *before* getting attached.
Signed, married guy whose wife gained 40 pounds, now exploring my options.

How's your hairline, bruh?

How is performance, jerk?

My sense from talking to my single male friends is that weight is very important to them. Like, deal-breaker important. These are my male friends who consider themselves super progressive, equal-rights-for-everyone types. Go figure.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To men: very very much.
To women: not so much

Then why the fuq bother be with anyone who only values you by your looks? I don't get it. I much rather be single for the rest of my life than live a life knowing if I put on weight, my husband or bf would be so embarrassed and not wanna be with me, or as suggested in the other threads cheat on me.

I highly advise that you remain single. Trust me, if you start out fit/in-shape, it best for everybody if you just remain that way
But if you find staying in-shape to be hard, and are planning to "let yourself go" later, it would be best if you did that *before* getting attached.
Signed, married guy whose wife gained 40 pounds, now exploring my options.

How's your hairline, bruh?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To men: very very much.
To women: not so much

Then why the fuq bother be with anyone who only values you by your looks? I don't get it. I much rather be single for the rest of my life than live a life knowing if I put on weight, my husband or bf would be so embarrassed and not wanna be with me, or as suggested in the other threads cheat on me.

I highly advise that you remain single. Trust me, if you start out fit/in-shape, it best for everybody if you just remain that way
But if you find staying in-shape to be hard, and are planning to "let yourself go" later, it would be best if you did that *before* getting attached.
Signed, married guy whose wife gained 40 pounds, now exploring my options.

Weight matters a ton to some people and to some people not as much. All you have to to is walk around outside and keep your eyes open to see that there are plenty over overweight men out there. She should set her sights on one of them.

Anonymous wrote:Female here. Weight matters to me. For one, I am very active. I was a D-1 athlete. I work out ornplay a sport 6 days a week. I like to do these things with my partner--walking, jogging, riding bikes, lifting, playing a team sport, or doing a fun race together. That's fun for me. I don't want a partner who can't keep up. It's not being mean, it's just a trait that is important to me and a key part of my lifestyle.

Secondly, if someone is overweight it tells me they might be sloppy in other areas of life. I am very neat, organized, and meticulous about details. Call me mean, but I look at overweight people and think they are sloppy, possibly disorganized, and just don't care much.

You can preach on and on and on about how someone should value you for more than just your looks. Of course your spouse should. But attraction is a huge part of a relationship. Without attraction you're just friends. I don't fault anyone for saying that they require this or that physical trait in a partner. That's what a romantic relationship is about. If you wanted a roommate or a BFF then it wouldn't matter. But this is your lover.

This is different from just weight for you though, although your judgement is kind of annoying Your values are that you enjoy sports. So it makes sense to have a partner who shares these things and wants to do them with you and keeps up. Similar to someone who is an artist and wants a partner who at least appreciates and understands art.

Being overweight might signal that someone is struggling with something, but sloppy? Best word you can use? I never hear anyone use these adjectives about the cheaters in marriages. We have excuses. I know many skinny and "fit" people who exercise 6 times a day but they also abuse stimulants. To me, that's a worse trait then over-eating.

Also, a fit person is not necessarily attractive. There are many men and women that are fit and I wouldn't sleep with them in a million years. Attraction differs from person to person. How they smell, how they feel, their smile, their overall attitude and look. It's not just about being a certain size. But, if you are active, sure, you have a right to want a partner who matches your personality.