Anonymous
Post 04/06/2017 12:58     Subject: Seperated and dating, do I call DH my husband or my ex-husband?
"ex" sounds weird to you because it's still new. You've been calling him your husband for years and it's weird to make any kind of change like that. You'll get used to it. But STBX is probably more accurate because technically you are still married.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2017 12:43     Subject: Seperated and dating, do I call DH my husband or my ex-husband?
Anonymous wrote:You call him your husband. That's what he is. You can't say you're separated, because you haven't filed for separation.

If I were dating a guy, and I later found out he was still married while we were dating and had lied to me about being separated, that would be the end of our relationship.

I don't know what you are fighting about in court with your current husband, but it's sort of irrelevant. He's your husband until you make a legal move otherwise.



This! Be honest about your situation OP. Don't try to letter of the law it on this it will come back to haunt you. There are guys who will date you just be up front.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2017 12:30     Subject: Seperated and dating, do I call DH my husband or my ex-husband?
NP. Agree Winn 10:26. Filing can also signal a shitstorm of trouble and make a divorce painful. Sometimes delaying the filing is better in the long run. I was married and divorced in MD.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2017 11:16     Subject: Seperated and dating, do I call DH my husband or my ex-husband?
Glad you are making up for lost time. Does it matte what you call him? Just refer to him as "asshole" for now.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2017 10:26     Subject: Seperated and dating, do I call DH my husband or my ex-husband?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You call him your husband. That's what he is. You can't say you're separated, because you haven't filed for separation.

If I were dating a guy, and I later found out he was still married while we were dating and had lied to me about being separated, that would be the end of our relationship.

I don't know what you are fighting about in court with your current husband, but it's sort of irrelevant. He's your husband until you make a legal move otherwise.



Uh, if they're not living together, they are separated. It doesn't take a filing to make it so. OP just isn't 'legally' separated. I have no idea what your second sentence means. Any person who is separated is STILL married. It sounds like you don't date people who haven't divorced but who knows - or cares.


Because a separation that hasn't been filed for isn't really a sign of an end of a relationship. If a guy tells me they are separated but he hasn't gotten around to filing...I would end the relationship too as that says to me he is a married man trying to figure out if he wants to stay married or not. I don't want a relationship with someone who is marreid but tryng out single life to see what they like better.


I think that's not necessarily true. First, in MD, legal separation does not involve paperwork. It just involves living apart and no sex. To get divorced, you don't need to have filed some kind of separation paperwork. At least that's my understanding. In terms of divorce itself, there can be a lot of reasons to not get divorced. Everybody has their own deal, and while it can be riskier to date someone who's separated, it doesn't automatically mean they still have emotional connection to their ex. But I do agree that total honesty is important if you're dating and separated.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2017 04:26     Subject: Seperated and dating, do I call DH my husband or my ex-husband?
Anonymous wrote:Soon to be ex-husband


+ 1

This is the best way to refer to him as.
Most especially if you both are 1000% that reconciliation is not in the
cards.

If that is the case, then it may be time to begin divorce proceedings stat.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2017 00:01     Subject: Seperated and dating, do I call DH my husband or my ex-husband?
Anonymous wrote:In Virginia you don't have to file for separation and they don't recognize "legal separation" (just ask the IRS). If you are living apart and not engaged in marital activities you are separated. Wait a year (if you have kids) or six months (if you don't) and you can file for divorce.

My ex and I have been separated for under six months. The marriage is over, we have everything agreed upon but nothing is filed because we aren't eligible to be legally divorced. He is still my ex, we are still separated, we will be divorced as soon as we can. We aren't trying on the separation to see if it sticks, we aren't deciding whether we are getting divorced. We'll file as soon as the state allows.

And I call him my ex. That's what he is..


The bolded part. Also he is your ex. Just like an ex boyfriend. You decided to split. In the dating world what you are doing is called separated since you are still technically legally bound as married. He is an ex without a doubt. Until you are legally divorced you now call yourself separated. I don't see any reason to bother filing for legal separation when courts recognize separation as the date you stopped cohabiting. This is assuming you no longer have marital relations (sex, attending church together, dining out/dates, etc.)
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2017 23:52     Subject: Re:Seperated and dating, do I call DH my husband or my ex-husband?
Estranged.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2017 23:45     Subject: Seperated and dating, do I call DH my husband or my ex-husband?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You call him your husband. That's what he is. You can't say you're separated, because you haven't filed for separation.

If I were dating a guy, and I later found out he was still married while we were dating and had lied to me about being separated, that would be the end of our relationship.

I don't know what you are fighting about in court with your current husband, but it's sort of irrelevant. He's your husband until you make a legal move otherwise.



Uh, if they're not living together, they are separated. It doesn't take a filing to make it so. OP just isn't 'legally' separated. I have no idea what your second sentence means. Any person who is separated is STILL married. It sounds like you don't date people who haven't divorced but who knows - or cares.


Because a separation that hasn't been filed for isn't really a sign of an end of a relationship. If a guy tells me they are separated but he hasn't gotten around to filing...I would end the relationship too as that says to me he is a married man trying to figure out if he wants to stay married or not. I don't want a relationship with someone who is marreid but tryng out single life to see what they like better.


If he has moved out of his wife's house and is having sex with you, that sure sounds like he doesn't want to stay married.
TwistdMike
Post 04/05/2017 22:38     Subject: Seperated and dating, do I call DH my husband or my ex-husband?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you are uncomfortable calling him your ex, it may be too soon to have sex with others.


Let's not a couple of you start judging that fast. I know it's DCUM. I didn't say I was uncomfortable, but was asking what the appropriate word was. I've been calling him my ex, my ex-husband, and my husband, not sure what I should call him.

You have sex 4 times in 4 years and see where you end up when you move out of the house and it's agreed the marriage is over.


Sounds like it doesn't matter what you call him... he ain't cuming. Ba dum tss
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2017 22:17     Subject: Seperated and dating, do I call DH my husband or my ex-husband?
Anonymous wrote:In Virginia you don't have to file for separation and they don't recognize "legal separation" (just ask the IRS). If you are living apart and not engaged in marital activities you are separated. Wait a year (if you have kids) or six months (if you don't) and you can file for divorce.

My ex and I have been separated for under six months. The marriage is over, we have everything agreed upon but nothing is filed because we aren't eligible to be legally divorced. He is still my ex, we are still separated, we will be divorced as soon as we can. We aren't trying on the separation to see if it sticks, we aren't deciding whether we are getting divorced. We'll file as soon as the state allows.

And I call him my ex. That's what he is..


Good to know. I won't be dating any Virginians unless they have filed for divorce!
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2017 21:45     Subject: Seperated and dating, do I call DH my husband or my ex-husband?
In Virginia you don't have to file for separation and they don't recognize "legal separation" (just ask the IRS). If you are living apart and not engaged in marital activities you are separated. Wait a year (if you have kids) or six months (if you don't) and you can file for divorce.

My ex and I have been separated for under six months. The marriage is over, we have everything agreed upon but nothing is filed because we aren't eligible to be legally divorced. He is still my ex, we are still separated, we will be divorced as soon as we can. We aren't trying on the separation to see if it sticks, we aren't deciding whether we are getting divorced. We'll file as soon as the state allows.

And I call him my ex. That's what he is..
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2017 21:16     Subject: Seperated and dating, do I call DH my husband or my ex-husband?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You call him your husband. That's what he is. You can't say you're separated, because you haven't filed for separation.

If I were dating a guy, and I later found out he was still married while we were dating and had lied to me about being separated, that would be the end of our relationship.

I don't know what you are fighting about in court with your current husband, but it's sort of irrelevant. He's your husband until you make a legal move otherwise.



Uh, if they're not living together, they are separated. It doesn't take a filing to make it so. OP just isn't 'legally' separated. I have no idea what your second sentence means. Any person who is separated is STILL married. It sounds like you don't date people who haven't divorced but who knows - or cares.


Because a separation that hasn't been filed for isn't really a sign of an end of a relationship. If a guy tells me they are separated but he hasn't gotten around to filing...I would end the relationship too as that says to me he is a married man trying to figure out if he wants to stay married or not. I don't want a relationship with someone who is marreid but tryng out single life to see what they like better.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2017 21:03     Subject: Seperated and dating, do I call DH my husband or my ex-husband?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You call him your husband. That's what he is. You can't say you're separated, because you haven't filed for separation.

If I were dating a guy, and I later found out he was still married while we were dating and had lied to me about being separated, that would be the end of our relationship.

I don't know what you are fighting about in court with your current husband, but it's sort of irrelevant. He's your husband until you make a legal move otherwise.



Uh, if they're not living together, they are separated. It doesn't take a filing to make it so. OP just isn't 'legally' separated. I have no idea what your second sentence means. Any person who is separated is STILL married. It sounds like you don't date people who haven't divorced but who knows - or cares.


When you say you're separated from someone it implies a legal act. If you haven't yet filed then you are "married bit not living together" and you can add that you are considering divorce or legal separation.

Too many people lie to themselves and others about the state of their marriage. At least be honest with people you are dating about your exact status and let them decide for themselves if they are comfortable with that. Saying you are separated or calling him your ex, or even your soon to be ex implies that you are much further along in the process than you really are.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2017 19:58     Subject: Seperated and dating, do I call DH my husband or my ex-husband?
Whole lot of psychological issues with this one!

Don't call him anything... just call a psychologist.