Anonymous wrote:OP, just be lucky that you are a woman and can have an unlimited number of dates anytime you choose. 90% of man can't. Stop whining.

Not OP and I see this sentiment all the time here. It has not been the case for me these unlimited dates. I guess I'm too ugly or something.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:welcome to your 30s and 40s OP. friendship becomes contingent on coupling up. few people in their 30s in relationships are open to making new friends. sucks. but, it is what it is.

OP here. I'm 50 ... even harder.

Agreed...another 50 yo

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was married 25 years then divorced and dated one guy for six months and another guy for three years. Also had other dates in between but didn't have sex with them.

The three year guy, who I was totally in love with, gave me herpes and then dumped me for someone else.

Trust me when I say herpes will put the brakes on your sex life. I loved sex too, but now I live without it. And no amount of condoms will keep you from getting it either.

So, there's something to think about!

Can you clarify if it was I or II ?

It was herpes II, genital herpes. Here is a good article about it: https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/07/the-overblown-stigma-of-genital-herpes/374757/

I know several people who have it, and I'm sure there are plenty of others I know who have it but don't talk about it.

In addition to the physical symptoms, the obviously worst thing about it is figuring out when to disclose the info to potential sex partners. It's a game changer.

Anonymous wrote:I was married 25 years then divorced and dated one guy for six months and another guy for three years. Also had other dates in between but didn't have sex with them.

The three year guy, who I was totally in love with, gave me herpes and then dumped me for someone else.

Trust me when I say herpes will put the brakes on your sex life. I loved sex too, but now I live without it. And no amount of condoms will keep you from getting it either.

So, there's something to think about!

Can you clarify if it was I or II ?

Anonymous wrote:When I got divorced I loved my alone time. I purposely moved to a more out of the way section of town! And I didn't have cable or wifi. I really learned to love quiet nights reading a book, learning to cook different things, walking my dog, and taking long baths. It was a way to rediscover myself. I felt like dating and going out was kind of a distraction. Spending time along helped me really process my divorce and learn to be okay alone.

This! Did the same thing after ending a long engagement that led to nowhere....I lived in the boonies with a few older neighbors. Eventually I started to date, but my remote location ensured I only went on dates well worth my time right after work in DC. I am happily married now!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're getting frustrated, take a break and try to focus on making friends. Some of those guys you are meeting could even become your friends. I have friends who are hyper-focused on dating and they get really frustrated when it's not going well. Typically, they take a break and then when they come back to it, they're not as angry and bitter.

That said, I'm 45 and I've pretty much stopped trying at all because I haven't been meeting people naturally and I don't have time to spend on a thorough online dating search. Seems like too much work. I have a lot of friends, though, so I don't miss dating that much because there's always something to do.

You don't miss the sex?

Do you know how to take care of business alone?

Anonymous wrote:I was married 25 years then divorced and dated one guy for six months and another guy for three years. Also had other dates in between but didn't have sex with them.

The three year guy, who I was totally in love with, gave me herpes and then dumped me for someone else.

Trust me when I say herpes will put the brakes on your sex life. I loved sex too, but now I live without it. And no amount of condoms will keep you from getting it either.

So, there's something to think about!

That risk is always on my mind... sorry you've gone through that.

I was married 25 years then divorced and dated one guy for six months and another guy for three years. Also had other dates in between but didn't have sex with them.

The three year guy, who I was totally in love with, gave me herpes and then dumped me for someone else.

Trust me when I say herpes will put the brakes on your sex life. I loved sex too, but now I live without it. And no amount of condoms will keep you from getting it either.

So, there's something to think about!

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you enjoy dating. You haven't met someone for a LTR, but does it have to mean you need to stop dating? Go out, dance, drink, even if it doesn't lead to more. You're having fun, so I don't understand why you want to stop.

I enjoy it for a while and up to a point. After some time dating a bunch of different guys that I either I don't like enough or, if I like them, they show no signs of wanting a real relationship, it's not so enjoyable. I want more and the superficiality of going out with a bunch of different men without a deeper connection frustrates me. The "doesn't lead to more" is getting to me.

I feel like I should take a break and was hoping for some insight into how to get used to being alone and sexless. Or, some tips on how a 50 yo mom can make new friends for going out. At this stage in life, nearly all my friends have families and are not up for going out dancing, etc. with a single friend.

It sounds like you enjoy dating. You haven't met someone for a LTR, but does it have to mean you need to stop dating? Go out, dance, drink, even if it doesn't lead to more. You're having fun, so I don't understand why you want to stop.

Anonymous wrote:If you're getting frustrated, take a break and try to focus on making friends. Some of those guys you are meeting could even become your friends. I have friends who are hyper-focused on dating and they get really frustrated when it's not going well. Typically, they take a break and then when they come back to it, they're not as angry and bitter.

That said, I'm 45 and I've pretty much stopped trying at all because I haven't been meeting people naturally and I don't have time to spend on a thorough online dating search. Seems like too much work. I have a lot of friends, though, so I don't miss dating that much because there's always something to do.

You don't miss the sex?

If you're getting frustrated, take a break and try to focus on making friends. Some of those guys you are meeting could even become your friends. I have friends who are hyper-focused on dating and they get really frustrated when it's not going well. Typically, they take a break and then when they come back to it, they're not as angry and bitter.

That said, I'm 45 and I've pretty much stopped trying at all because I haven't been meeting people naturally and I don't have time to spend on a thorough online dating search. Seems like too much work. I have a lot of friends, though, so I don't miss dating that much because there's always something to do.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you are enjoying your time now but frustrated it's not leading to more. Think about how many dates you went on before finding your first marriage. Enjoy the process. The relationship will find you once you stop looking so hard for it. Just relax and enjoy the dancing, drinks, conversation and sex for now and you'll be surprised what happens.

And be happy that you're getting it for free.

The reason you don't have many single friends to hang out with is because you haven't given yourself the opportunity to develop single friend relationships. It will take a few months, but if you like to go out you are going to find people to go out with.

I don't think you should just stop dating--I just think you need a break for a little.

Sounds like you are enjoying your time now but frustrated it's not leading to more. Think about how many dates you went on before finding your first marriage. Enjoy the process. The relationship will find you once you stop looking so hard for it. Just relax and enjoy the dancing, drinks, conversation and sex for now and you'll be surprised what happens.