Anonymous wrote:A family we knew at our old church (different area of the country) is struggling with parenthood. Not financially, but emotionally or lifestyle wise. The child is two years old. I have been told that they are considering placing her for adoption. There was no thought of adoption when the child was born. They have just realized that parenting is hard as hell, and that they may be in over their heads or more than they want to be.

The care teams are church at helping the family work through this. I am not sure what that means, but it had me wondering if this is common. Do you know of instances where "older" babies or children were placed for adoption for reasons other than death, crisis, mental/substance issues?

I would love to adopt a 2 year old that needs a home and has not had to go through the foster system.

Google Natt Britt and Chris Jenkins, from PG County. Natt's parents took in and legally adopted Chris when his mother moved to SC for a job and basically didn't want to take him with her. The two families knew each her because he boys were on the same AAU basketball game. When Chris Jenkins scored the winning shot for Villanova last year, the Britts were there, not the biological mother of Chris (Beth boys were playing against each other in that game, what are the odds). I have huge respect for the Britt family. Both boys went to Gonzaga and Chris to Nova and Natt to UNC.

https://www.google.com/amp/www.sbnation.com/platform/amp/college-basketball/2016/4/3/11355344/villanova-north-carolina-adoptive-brothers-kris-jenkins-nate-britt-national-championship-game

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An ex colleague placed her 9yo dd for adoption. The reason she gave me (we were cubemates) is that her dd was annoying. The state made her pay child support until the little girl was adopted (at 11.5).

This is beyond awful. I have a nine year old and yes, she can be annoying sometime, but to give her up for adoption?? I can't even imagine.. That kid is going to have serious issues. Nothing like your mom throwing you away to make you feel good about yourself

I know someone who adopted a child at birth due to infertility and then gave her to children's services when she was 11. They referred to it as a failed adoption. The reality was that a year after the adoption they got pregnant and had another little girl - basically the baby they had wanted all those years of trying. I think they were always a little resentful of the first adopted daughter as she was a harder child to parent and was not the favorite - making her act out even more. As she became a tween she was even more difficult, argued a lot, fought with her sister etc.

I always wondered how they explained this to extended family and friends when suddenly they went from 2 kids to 1. And for the remaining daughter who lost her sister, hard to process.

Just to add to the horror of it all, one of the parents was a family therapist.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An ex colleague placed her 9yo dd for adoption. The reason she gave me (we were cubemates) is that her dd was annoying. The state made her pay child support until the little girl was adopted (at 11.5).

This is beyond awful. I have a nine year old and yes, she can be annoying sometime, but to give her up for adoption?? I can't even imagine.. That kid is going to have serious issues. Nothing like your mom throwing you away to make you feel good about yourself

My sister-in-law's late mother had 5 kids with 3 different men. At various stages, some would live with her, but usually she either dumped them with family or just plain kicked them out. They were ages 8 to 18. She started dating my brother at 16, my SIL by her mom that she was moving and that the new place had no room for SIL. So, my SIL moved in with us at 16.

That woman was physically, emotionally and verbally abusive, however, she was a perfect community volunteer. After her death, all the kids exalt her like she's Mother Theresa, and they often post on Facebook about how much they miss her.

Anonymous wrote:An ex colleague placed her 9yo dd for adoption. The reason she gave me (we were cubemates) is that her dd was annoying. The state made her pay child support until the little girl was adopted (at 11.5).

This is beyond awful. I have a nine year old and yes, she can be annoying sometime, but to give her up for adoption?? I can't even imagine.. That kid is going to have serious issues. Nothing like your mom throwing you away to make you feel good about yourself

Two cases: friend adopted brothers, 10 and 13 out of foster care in inner city Chicago. Friend is LPSW.

Cousin in DC and spouse just adopted teen siblings from Romania.

Anonymous wrote:On a weekly basis, I nurture an adoption fantasy with regard to my two uppermiddle-class sons, each time they release a tirade of rageful insults or physical attacks at me for asking them to behave like responsible human beings. So, yes, this is something I can understand. Judge away.

My brother physically attacked my mom onetime and she called the police. If you let them do that shit to you then they'll think it's okay.

You can have mine. 18. Pm me

Anonymous wrote:On a weekly basis, I nurture an adoption fantasy with regard to my two uppermiddle-class sons, each time they release a tirade of rageful insults or physical attacks at me for asking them to behave like responsible human beings. So, yes, this is something I can understand. Judge away.

No judging. No job in the world is harder than parenting, and even more so if your sons have challenging behaviors. I deal with that and can relate.

I went to school with a family who's father signed away his rights to his 13, 11, and 6yo children so their step-dad, could adopt them. They changed their name to their new dads and never saw their father again.

Oh please 9:47. Just cut off their phone service and change the house wifi code until they shape up. And if one of my teenage boys raised a hand to me I would call the cops immediately and box up everything they owned and put it in storage. Teenagers are owed love, food, shelter, medical care and education---in that order. They are NOT owed electronic devices, spending money, access to drivers licenses and motor vehicles. Those they earn through responsible behavior.

Be a parent, not a spineless handwringer.