Anonymous
Post 03/28/2017 13:23     Subject: Re:Difference in treatment between sons and daughters
And sounds like the relationship between your DH and his mother is just fine. It's YOUR relationship you are questioning.
Anonymous
Post 03/28/2017 13:22     Subject: Difference in treatment between sons and daughters
She's not your mother. She didn't pick you. Her son did.

Just accept it for what it is and direct your energy elsewhere, where you get the reciprocation you deserve.
Anonymous
Post 03/28/2017 13:21     Subject: Re:Difference in treatment between sons and daughters
Basically OP has unrealistic expectations of how to be treated by her in laws. OP, you should be grateful your in laws has a convivial relationship with you and your DH and stop expecting the same treatment like a daughter.!it could be much much much worse, just head over to the reddit thread noMIL. A relationship between a mother and her daughter is always going to be closer than a daughter in law.
Anonymous
Post 03/28/2017 13:17     Subject: Difference in treatment between sons and daughters
It's also possible your MIL is trying hard not to overstep her boundaries. She probably doesn't want to be the pushy, overbearing MIL and overtake what is your mother's place in your life. Just type in MIL problems in the thread search here or google it and you'll find volumes. So be grateful that you have a MIL that seems to know about boundaries.

From what you've written, you haven't shown us how your DH is the favorite child. But regardless, favoritism is a characteristic of dysfunctional families, and not a good thing.
Anonymous
Post 03/28/2017 13:15     Subject: Difference in treatment between sons and daughters
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, how do your parents treat you? Whatever you mentioned about the wedding for example is something that the bride's parents would do. Why would you want your MIL's veil?


OP here. I'm very close to my parents and my parent's world revolves around us. I'm sentimental and wanted something borrowed for my wedding. I didn't have a veil yet and my MIL had mentioned how she still had hers, but then she decided not to let me borrow it. It wasn't a big deal and it's not like I was nagging her to let me wear her heirloom veil. My parents helped with a downpayment (15k) instead of a wedding.

I've tried hard to foster a good relationship with my MIL and with her grandkids. She got to be in the delivery room since I really wanted my mom in there and I wanted it to be fair. I'm just jealous of my SIL's wedding and how much attention they get. It's petty I know.


It's great that you are trying to be fair with your in-laws, but you are not their daughter, so to expect to be treated just like their daughters is unrealistic. It's not to say that you can't be close to your MIL, but your relationship is fundamentally different than the one she has with her daughters.
Anonymous
Post 03/28/2017 13:03     Subject: Difference in treatment between sons and daughters
Ok, op, give us more examples of the attention the sisters-in-law receive and how it's unfair to you.
Anonymous
Post 03/28/2017 13:00     Subject: Difference in treatment between sons and daughters
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess I missed the memo that sons aren't the same as daughters. I thought I should treat inlaws the same as my parents. I guess I should spend more time with my own parents instead. I'm an only child.


What do you mean? I think the memo you missed is that YOU are not the same as your sisters-in-law.
Anonymous
Post 03/28/2017 12:31     Subject: Difference in treatment between sons and daughters
Anonymous wrote:OP, how do your parents treat you? Whatever you mentioned about the wedding for example is something that the bride's parents would do. Why would you want your MIL's veil?


OP here. I'm very close to my parents and my parent's world revolves around us. I'm sentimental and wanted something borrowed for my wedding. I didn't have a veil yet and my MIL had mentioned how she still had hers, but then she decided not to let me borrow it. It wasn't a big deal and it's not like I was nagging her to let me wear her heirloom veil. My parents helped with a downpayment (15k) instead of a wedding.

I've tried hard to foster a good relationship with my MIL and with her grandkids. She got to be in the delivery room since I really wanted my mom in there and I wanted it to be fair. I'm just jealous of my SIL's wedding and how much attention they get. It's petty I know.
Anonymous
Post 03/28/2017 12:24     Subject: Difference in treatment between sons and daughters
OP, how do your parents treat you? Whatever you mentioned about the wedding for example is something that the bride's parents would do. Why would you want your MIL's veil?
Anonymous
Post 03/28/2017 12:18     Subject: Difference in treatment between sons and daughters
Anonymous wrote:You need to accept that a mom might feel closer to her daughters when it comes to getting ready for their wedding or taking care of the kids. I've seen that "difference" in many families.

Let it go and you'll feel much better.


Agree
Anonymous
Post 03/28/2017 12:16     Subject: Difference in treatment between sons and daughters
The above is extreme but I just click with my daughter better than my son. I expect to share more women stuff as she grows older. I plan to be involved in the wedding planning of my daughter but will keep a respectful distance with my son's wedding (I don't want to be the meddling MIL that my husband's mom was to our wedding). For $, I will try to even it out. If society says bride pays for the wedding and we pay for our daughters I will gift my son similar whether in the form of a new car, cash, grad school tuition, whatever.
Anonymous
Post 03/28/2017 11:42     Subject: Difference in treatment between sons and daughters
I actually see many more sons than daughters closer to their mamas. Mothers and daughters often have adversarial relationships for whatever reasons.

OP, if you're an only, you should enjoy time with your parents. No, you don't treat your in-laws as your parents. Especially when they're not tripping over themselves to treat you as a daughter.
Anonymous
Post 03/28/2017 11:34     Subject: Difference in treatment between sons and daughters
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess I missed the memo that sons aren't the same as daughters. I thought I should treat inlaws the same as my parents. I guess I should spend more time with my own parents instead. I'm an only child.


OP, the idea of a "favorite" sounds very dysfunctional to me. As well as what some people say about most dependable children being the least favorite or some such. If this is the case, just find a way to distance yourself from your in-laws. They're crazy, and their daughters can have a field day when their elderly parents need care and financial assistance
Anonymous
Post 03/28/2017 11:16     Subject: Difference in treatment between sons and daughters
OP here. I guess I missed the memo that sons aren't the same as daughters. I thought I should treat inlaws the same as my parents. I guess I should spend more time with my own parents instead. I'm an only child.
Anonymous
Post 03/28/2017 11:14     Subject: Difference in treatment between sons and daughters
I am a middle sibling and I can tell you I was the least favorite growing up. I couldn't wait to grow up and move away from my family. A few years later, after moving far far away, and doing better in life than my older siblings who were more favored with colleges paid for by parents and what not, I do not care or try to over compensate.

My siblings and parents are always calling me to bail them out... I don't know if that makes me a favorite or they are just using me. Ohh well.