She's Asian right? (I'm Chinese so I can say this)

OP here. Born in China, grew up in the States. Even by Chinese tiger mom standards, my mom has always been strict and over the top. In terms of postpartum dos and don'ts, she hears some anecdotes from people and adds them to the litany of things pp moms are not supposed to do. None of it has any basis in science, but in her mind they must be true b/c so and so touched cold water once and had to spend months down the road to heal.

She has been complaining about not having any down time. So I've been taking every opportunity to tell her to go home. She wouldn't go. I've come to the realization that she's doing this as much for us as for herself. She's happy around the baby, coos to him and baby talks. She also likes to feel useful, having someone to fuss over. Short of a complete falling out, she would not stay away.

I've been ignoring most of what she says. In one ear, out the other. My H can't stand her, but is unwilling to tell her she's unwelcome in our home. We're not at that point yet.

I am guessing that your mom was brought up in a culture other than American. I would love to know where she is from. I have never heard of the things about which she is militant.

Anonymous wrote:I know I'll get slammed for saying this but why do you need your mothers help? Unless you have a house full of kids or some medical issue, why can't you handle the baby by yourself? I don't mean to sound like some Super Mom or anything but I've had 3 kids and not once needed someone to come over to help me deal with the baby. Baby sitting maybe but certainly not carring for my baby.

Not the OP, but some first-time mothers have more difficulty than others, whether it's a colicky baby, difficulty establishing breastfeeding, more difficulty recovering from childbirth, etc.
You are lucky that you didn't need any help, but that doesn't mean your experience is everyone's. I had a baby who didn't gain weight and had a lot of trouble feeding and who screamed for much of the day and night without being able to be comforted - turned out to be reflux but they didn't diagnose it until it had been a month-and-a-half. The first month was extremely difficult and without help I would never have slept or rested.

I know I'll get slammed for saying this but why do you need your mothers help? Unless you have a house full of kids or some medical issue, why can't you handle the baby by yourself? I don't mean to sound like some Super Mom or anything but I've had 3 kids and not once needed someone to come over to help me deal with the baby. Baby sitting maybe but certainly not carring for my baby.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your mom from Asia? I am Korean, and Koreans have a bunch of traditional 'rules' regarding post-partum care, including not being cold or having cold water ever, certain type of food to be eaten (mostly seaweed for Koreans, I think for Chinese it's ginger?), etc. The concern is that if these rules are not followed, the mom will have 'feminine' ailments later in life.

I did find it annoying too during my post-partum period, but another 'rule' my mom had was I had to stay in bed for couple weeks ? so I felt her annoying bossiness was the price I had to pay for all the spoiling I was getting...

If this is the case, wouldn't OP know about this stuff by osmosis? Witnessing other members. It's just interesting that this stuff is 'new' to her. Or maybe it's just the intensity of her Mom that's throwing her. I'd let her keep coming, but just say, you cannot come into the bathroom with me. Then LOCK THE DOOR.

Not OP but can relate. This stuff is not new. But after living apart and adjusting to other realities, parents' ideas about things do throw people off.

Anonymous wrote:Is your mom from Asia? I am Korean, and Koreans have a bunch of traditional 'rules' regarding post-partum care, including not being cold or having cold water ever, certain type of food to be eaten (mostly seaweed for Koreans, I think for Chinese it's ginger?), etc. The concern is that if these rules are not followed, the mom will have 'feminine' ailments later in life.

I did find it annoying too during my post-partum period, but another 'rule' my mom had was I had to stay in bed for couple weeks ? so I felt her annoying bossiness was the price I had to pay for all the spoiling I was getting...

If this is the case, wouldn't OP know about this stuff by osmosis? Witnessing other members. It's just interesting that this stuff is 'new' to her. Or maybe it's just the intensity of her Mom that's throwing her. I'd let her keep coming, but just say, you cannot come into the bathroom with me. Then LOCK THE DOOR.

First, you don't seem lucky that your mother lives nearby. Unlucky comes closer to it.

Second, I am a father, and my mother in law (or mother, for that matter) would meddle in how I parent my child exactly once. If you let people treat you badly, you forfeit the right to be upset when they do it constantly.

Nah. I'm not Asian, and my mom has the very same hang-ups. She is horrified seeing that we keep drinks in the fridge. She's convinced that cold anything will give you a cold! It's always "no ice" in restaurants. People outside of the U.S. are generally much less into ice and cold everything.

OP, can you politely ignore your mom? That's what I end up doing, because let's be fair, our parenting will never be up to par. I nod or say okay and keep on keeping on. If mom hates it enough, she has an option to leave LOL

Is your mom from Asia? I am Korean, and Koreans have a bunch of traditional 'rules' regarding post-partum care, including not being cold or having cold water ever, certain type of food to be eaten (mostly seaweed for Koreans, I think for Chinese it's ginger?), etc. The concern is that if these rules are not followed, the mom will have 'feminine' ailments later in life.

I did find it annoying too during my post-partum period, but another 'rule' my mom had was I had to stay in bed for couple weeks ? so I felt her annoying bossiness was the price I had to pay for all the spoiling I was getting...

Anonymous wrote:You can do it on your own from now on. Your mom is a crutch, but you are 2 weeks as a mom, and you are figuring it out. Time to say "Thanks Mom for all your help, but please don't come over tomorrow."

This. Anyone who was yelling at me to wash my hands in a certain temperature of water would not be coming over on a regular basis.

Anonymous wrote:A bowel full of dates. Yum!

I suspect you get a bowel full of dates after eating a bowl full of dates!

You can do it on your own from now on. Your mom is a crutch, but you are 2 weeks as a mom, and you are figuring it out. Time to say "Thanks Mom for all your help, but please don't come over tomorrow."

Hehee. Bowel of dates is the best! Maybe your mom thinks you're constipated? Dates sure help with bowel movement

Uuuugh. I'm so sorry your mother is like this. Mine can be like this too.

Honestly, I would rather muddle through myself than have a harpy on my back the whole time, even with the cooking and cleaning she does.