Anonymous wrote:My brother and his now ex wife just recently got divorced. My brother cheated on her so his wife left him and rightfully so. Ever since they separated, I've been giving her the cold shoulder. On one hand, I understand why she left him, but on the other hand, I resent the fact that my young niece now has a broken home. I feel like the ex didn't try to make things work (refused counseling) and gave up. I'm feeling guilty for treating her the way I have been and I'm wondering if I should reach out to her. Even if it's to let her know there's no hard feelings.

Im an ex SIL who was given the cold shoulder. Her brother was abusive and noone listened to me or cared to know the truth. And now I am treated like I never existed after 22 years of marriage and even longer of knowing the family.

Dont reach out to her if you are going to try to guilt trip her about not trying hard enough. Your brother probably did more than he ever told you. Their relationship dynamic has nothing to do with you. Youhave no right to judge her or resent anyone except maybe your brother. but of course, your resentment helps noone.

If you can call her and be honest and say you feel guilty for being a little shitty and have put your feelings in perspective then sure. But if this reaching out would be all about YOU then please, just swallow your guilt pill and let her heal.

Something's wrong in a marriage if someone cheats. I can't believe he treated your SIL very well if he was ok with cheating on her. That's a sign of a fundamental lack of respect for the other person. You are focusing on the cheating, but I'm sure it's so much more than that. Have some empathy for her. Not derision.

Anonymous wrote:Your niece has a broken home because YOUR BROTHER BROKE HER HOME. He's the one you should be angry at. You owe your SIL an apology.

THIS!!!!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the first cheating innocent that you KNOW OF. This is the first rif in their marriage you have seen. How the hell do you know she didn't try to save her marriage??? What a bitchy thing to say. "She didn't try"…well maybe she's been trying for years.

She told my mother that's the only time he cheated and she doesn't want to go counseling and is completely done with him.

So what? Why is it any of your business? Focus on supporting your niece, not judging and punishing your SIL.

I only mentioned it because of the PP I was quoting. You're right, it's none of my business, but I do think she should've went to counseling.

God, people really say should've went?
Whether she tried to save her marriage is none of your concern. Shouldn't have needed saving to begin with. She certainly owes you NOTHING. And you want to call her and say no hard feelings??? You are really ignorant.

+1 You should be asking her for forgiveness, not acting like you are doing her some huge favor by reaching out. Her husband cheated on her, her marriage is breaking up, and you're giving her the cold shoulder because you think she didn't try hard enough? That's cruel and SO not your call. Are you projecting your anger onto her to avoid blaming your brother? Because otherwise I really don't see how you could think this is remotely acceptable.

Your brother is the slime ball, not your ex SIL. Put yourself in her shoes. He cheated yet she is the one you dis?

Your SIL sounds lucky to be rid of you and your brother.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the first cheating innocent that you KNOW OF. This is the first rif in their marriage you have seen. How the hell do you know she didn't try to save her marriage??? What a bitchy thing to say. "She didn't try"…well maybe she's been trying for years.

She told my mother that's the only time he cheated and she doesn't want to go counseling and is completely done with him.

So what? Why is it any of your business? Focus on supporting your niece, not judging and punishing your SIL.

I only mentioned it because of the PP I was quoting. You're right, it's none of my business, but I do think she should've went to counseling.

God, people really say should've went?
Whether she tried to save her marriage is none of your concern. Shouldn't have needed saving to begin with. She certainly owes you NOTHING. And you want to call her and say no hard feelings??? You are really ignorant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the first cheating innocent that you KNOW OF. This is the first rif in their marriage you have seen. How the hell do you know she didn't try to save her marriage??? What a bitchy thing to say. "She didn't try"…well maybe she's been trying for years.

She told my mother that's the only time he cheated and she doesn't want to go counseling and is completely done with him.

So what? Why is it any of your business? Focus on supporting your niece, not judging and punishing your SIL.

I only mentioned it because of the PP I was quoting. You're right, it's none of my business, but I do think she should've went to counseling.

And your brother shouldn't have been a cheating POS. Direct your anger towards the person who is actually responsible for imploding that family.

My brother pulled the same thing. Cheated, brought the other woman around saying she was an old friend who moved to the same town, then walked out one day and moved in with her. Cried about how his wife wasn't willing to "work out" their differences and it was all big mean wife's fault. He can't understand why friends stopped talking to him. He can't understand why I have no respect for him and don't have anything to do with him. I've always maintained a relationship with his ex.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the first cheating innocent that you KNOW OF. This is the first rif in their marriage you have seen. How the hell do you know she didn't try to save her marriage??? What a bitchy thing to say. "She didn't try"…well maybe she's been trying for years.

She told my mother that's the only time he cheated and she doesn't want to go counseling and is completely done with him.

So what? Why is it any of your business? Focus on supporting your niece, not judging and punishing your SIL.

I only mentioned it because of the PP I was quoting. You're right, it's none of my business, but I do think she should've went to counseling.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the first cheating innocent that you KNOW OF. This is the first rif in their marriage you have seen. How the hell do you know she didn't try to save her marriage??? What a bitchy thing to say. "She didn't try"…well maybe she's been trying for years.

She told my mother that's the only time he cheated and she doesn't want to go counseling and is completely done with him.

So what? Why is it any of your business? Focus on supporting your niece, not judging and punishing your SIL.

Really, so fucking what. Your brother cheated one too many times. She owes him and the marriage nothing after that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the first cheating innocent that you KNOW OF. This is the first rif in their marriage you have seen. How the hell do you know she didn't try to save her marriage??? What a bitchy thing to say. "She didn't try"…well maybe she's been trying for years.

She told my mother that's the only time he cheated and she doesn't want to go counseling and is completely done with him.

So what? Why is it any of your business? Focus on supporting your niece, not judging and punishing your SIL.

Anonymous wrote:This is the first cheating innocent that you KNOW OF. This is the first rif in their marriage you have seen. How the hell do you know she didn't try to save her marriage??? What a bitchy thing to say. "She didn't try"…well maybe she's been trying for years.

She told my mother that's the only time he cheated and she doesn't want to go counseling and is completely done with him.

Anonymous wrote:This is the first cheating innocent that you KNOW OF. This is the first rif in their marriage you have seen. How the hell do you know she didn't try to save her marriage??? What a bitchy thing to say. "She didn't try"…well maybe she's been trying for years.

This. You're the asshole here, OP.

This is the first cheating innocent that you KNOW OF. This is the first rif in their marriage you have seen. How the hell do you know she didn't try to save her marriage??? What a bitchy thing to say. "She didn't try"…well maybe she's been trying for years.

The fact that you feel guilty shows that you do have a conscience and it is telling you to reach out to your SIL.