Anonymous wrote:What is it about women and laundry (and cooking)? I am a single dad, with a full-time professional job and a long commute. I do the laundry, I do the cooking. It's not that hard! I did a load of laundry this morning before work--including folding everything and returning it to the kids. Big deal!

During the work week I do a load every other day, on the weekend I might do 2-3 loads. Seems to take about 10 minutes per load in total labor, most of it folding. You really pay someone to do that for you?

I have an old-fashioned tub-style washer/dryer set but the new high-efficiency models are better because they are faster.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey, OP.

This is probably about his communication and your communication styles. Ask him to first empathize with you instead of starting in on what is wrong with what you said or what could go wrong.

So, he should say, "Oh, honey I understand you feel overwhelmed/frustrated with the laundry/angry right now. I get it. I'm concerned, however, that the kids also have difficult lives blah blah blah blah"

So ask him to validate your feelings, and THEN go onto the issues. It totally helps me. My DH used to just jump in and tell me why whatever I said was wrong "No, we can't add a second story to the house because 1, 2, 3, etc etc millions of reasons" but now he'll say, "Wow! What a great idea! Having a second story on the house would be great. Have you thought about the building code?"

So, he eases me into the letdown by validating my GREAT ideas, that are usually just pipe dreams anyway.

Does it seem patronizing sometimes?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing you have said so far shows that your husband is wrong or hurtful, nor that he never takes your side.

1. Most people don't have help, even though they work full-time or more.
2. Teens should definitely learn the basics of life management.
3. Both your husband and yourself have a right to voice your opinions, and when you are want to reach a joint decision, then you have to work to persuade the other.
4. If your feelings were hurt by your spouse at a public occasion, a conversation should have ensued. What did you say?

We can't tell here is your husband is socially clueless (different from "doesn't love me", which I highly doubt), or if you're being too sensitive, or both.

I am at a near breaking point, and I have told him. Waiting to get time off from work (we are short staffed) to get some vacation.
For now, I expect a statement like this: " I know that you're tired, let's try to get the, kids to help out more, the laundry should not dominate the one day you have off each week". I have never put my kids ahead of him. I cringe at the thought of my son hearing this unchivalrous behaviour.
Once when I needed the computer to get some work done, I asked my daughter to get up several times (the norm). He broke in to suggest that I use my I phone instead and let dd use the computer. I can barely see the tiny screen, and I needed to pull up several documents. My sister could not believe him.
Funny enough, I think he hates the kids too. Who would encourage their kids to fight their mother?

Your response shows that you really don't understand him, and he doesn't understand you. It's not a question of love, OP, get that into your thick head.
You need CBT therapy to resolve this. Like I said before, your husband sounds very typical of someone who is socially clueless (Aspie tendencies, call it what you will). He needs to be told that his words are not empathetic, and he needs to acquire automated responses to cues you give (so first he needs to observe and recognize those cues!). You, on the other hand, need to reduce your emotional reaction and sensitivity, because it's killing you. So, couples' therapy.

Anonymous wrote:Wait, are you doing his and the teens' laundry?

Anonymous wrote:Hey, OP.

This is probably about his communication and your communication styles. Ask him to first empathize with you instead of starting in on what is wrong with what you said or what could go wrong.

So, he should say, "Oh, honey I understand you feel overwhelmed/frustrated with the laundry/angry right now. I get it. I'm concerned, however, that the kids also have difficult lives blah blah blah blah"

So ask him to validate your feelings, and THEN go onto the issues. It totally helps me. My DH used to just jump in and tell me why whatever I said was wrong "No, we can't add a second story to the house because 1, 2, 3, etc etc millions of reasons" but now he'll say, "Wow! What a great idea! Having a second story on the house would be great. Have you thought about the building code?"

So, he eases me into the letdown by validating my GREAT ideas, that are usually just pipe dreams anyway.

Anonymous wrote:And it is killing me.
I know he does not love me, but all I want is to raise my kids and retire. He has publicly undermined me and on two occasions, other people have seen it, making me look bad.
The latest, after a discussion with a sibling about how tired I am, after working 60 + erratic hours a week, long commute, I decided that I need more help.
I can't afford to pay the maid more, so I thought about asking her to shift her focus from my kids' rooms and bathrooms to my laundry. This would mean that my kids who are teens, would have to clean their own spaces. When I told my husband, he looked skeptical and said that the kids have hard lives too, school and sports. This was typical for him, but nauseating for me. My husband does not know any woman who works as hard as I do. I work harder than he does. It's like he is out to get me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing you have said so far shows that your husband is wrong or hurtful, nor that he never takes your side.

1. Most people don't have help, even though they work full-time or more.
2. Teens should definitely learn the basics of life management.
3. Both your husband and yourself have a right to voice your opinions, and when you are want to reach a joint decision, then you have to work to persuade the other.
4. If your feelings were hurt by your spouse at a public occasion, a conversation should have ensued. What did you say?

We can't tell here is your husband is socially clueless (different from "doesn't love me", which I highly doubt), or if you're being too sensitive, or both.

I am at a near breaking point, and I have told him. Waiting to get time off from work (we are short staffed) to get some vacation.
For now, I expect a statement like this: " I know that you're tired, let's try to get the, kids to help out more, the laundry should not dominate the one day you have off each week". I have never put my kids ahead of him. I cringe at the thought of my son hearing this unchivalrous behaviour.
Once when I needed the computer to get some work done, I asked my daughter to get up several times (the norm). He broke in to suggest that I use my I phone instead and let dd use the computer. I can barely see the tiny screen, and I needed to pull up several documents. My sister could not believe him.
Funny enough, I think he hates the kids too. Who would encourage their kids to fight their mother?