Anonymous
03/20/2017 14:12
Subject: Celibacy for life?
Anonymous wrote:I am 55 and DH is 57. He has had a series of heart attacks that basically make it impossible for him to have sex.
Before the heart attacks, the marriage was not great since i suffered from several miscarriages and one SID experience, rendering me emotionally distant. I have two kids, but it was a rocky road to get here. DH was not supportive at all during those years.
By about my mid forties, our sex life essentially disappeared but he was never very good at it anyway. Like he got me aroused once. I mean once. He is selfish.
Anyway, I think about my life going forward and feel that it was no different than a nun. I have never enjoyed sex. As I look at my life I think that I could hold on here and wait for something magical to happen, or I could leave. What holds me back is my single friends in their 50s who are really lonely. I am pessimistic about meeting anyone again.
This is a frustrating place to be. I feel like life is over, and mostly wasted. Other than my kids, I have nothing to look forward to. I have experienced no affection in 25 years.
If you never enjoyed sex all that much then it's a win win there. Enjoy your children, make some new friends, get some hobbies, go on a cruise. OP lot's you can do. Sad about his health problems, but you need a life away from him whether you stay or not. You said he wasn't supportive for many years. Time for you to enjoy yourself.
Invictus
03/20/2017 13:07
Subject: Celibacy for life?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So... his heart attacks broke his tongue?
Exactly. There are others things that can be done
And do you know how it feels for a man when he can no longer sexually function? Read some men's health forums. Sniping at a man is as bad as sniping at a woman.
Anonymous
03/20/2017 12:57
Subject: Celibacy for life?
Anonymous wrote:So... his heart attacks broke his tongue?
Exactly. There are others things that can be done
Invictus
03/20/2017 10:41
Subject: Re:Celibacy for life?
I agree that a woman could or does need more of an emotional connection for sex to be satisfying. What I find on forums, including here, are men and women sniping at each other, when the real 'issue' is that we enter relationships or marriage carrying known or unknown emotional baggage. Becoming a couple can bring emotional issues to the fore or even differences in sexual desire, turn ons, turn offs, etc. There are women who have strong sexual appetites and their husband or boyfriend is satisfied with once a week vanilla sex.
Bottom line; Sniping or blaming each other doesn't bring understanding or resolution. All they do is inflict wounds and promote resentment and anger. Perhaps the best we can do is understand that we don't always understand each other, attempt to understand and try to find a middle ground. If that's not possible, the kindest act is to let that person go and live a life that brings them emotional and physical satisfaction.
Bottom line; Sniping or blaming each other doesn't bring understanding or resolution. All they do is inflict wounds and promote resentment and anger. Perhaps the best we can do is understand that we don't always understand each other, attempt to understand and try to find a middle ground. If that's not possible, the kindest act is to let that person go and live a life that brings them emotional and physical satisfaction.
Anonymous
03/20/2017 10:20
Subject: Re:Celibacy for life?
OP Then why care if he can't have sex. Divorce at that age can seriously harm your finances. Yes you could meet someone but likely it would be a different set of problems. I would simply try to engage in hobbies, new friends, take some trips and stop focusing on your dh. I don't think it's realistic that one spouse can meet all needs, and usually when people get sad and lonely it's other things.
Anonymous
03/20/2017 09:14
Subject: Re:Celibacy for life?
Frigidity in a woman could easily be because of her partner, not her mental state.