Anonymous wrote:How long has he been on Abilify? From my own personal experience with my own child and this medication, I wonder if it is a big part of the problem. Also, when my child (who is roughly the same size), attempted to become destructive, I (who am only 5'3" and weigh less), immobilized my child and held them until the fight went out of them. Your child cannot be allowed to terrify your younger child, and can also not be allowed to abuse you and destroy your home. My stepdad is bipolar, and for the last 30 years, no matter what problems we were having with his medication, he was never allowed to be violent. He would have been committed, and he knew it.

Never allowed to be violent?!!!!! In my families experience when my brother was off his meds - he was so irrational that there was no method to get him NOT to be violent. It wasn't a matter of talking to him - he raged and destroyed things and hurt people. Not all cases can so easily be put as "not allowed"...you are very lucky that was your situation. It is truly frightening to see someone out of control..I can't tell you the number of times we had to call the police to manage the situation because nothing else would work without putting ourselves in grave danger.

How long has he been on Abilify? From my own personal experience with my own child and this medication, I wonder if it is a big part of the problem. Also, when my child (who is roughly the same size), attempted to become destructive, I (who am only 5'3" and weigh less), immobilized my child and held them until the fight went out of them. Your child cannot be allowed to terrify your younger child, and can also not be allowed to abuse you and destroy your home. My stepdad is bipolar, and for the last 30 years, no matter what problems we were having with his medication, he was never allowed to be violent. He would have been committed, and he knew it.

Do you think you could put a lock on your younger son's door so he could lock it from the inside? Then, he could have a place to go that he knows is "safe".

Anonymous wrote:Many hugs to you OP. That is a challenging situation. Sending you strength and support. Wish I had solutions.

This. I wish there were more I could offer, but for whatever it's worth it sounds like you are an amazing parent. Your kids are lucky to have you. Sending you strength and comfort.

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. As a person who had to live through this with her brother I can especially understand what you are dealing with. Unfortunately in the case of my brother it continued to get worse as he got older. Getting him admitted was very difficult - he had to do harm to himself or others - and it could not be a threat but actually do harm. Even when he was admitted (after he smashed every window in our house and I ended up in the ER needing stitches) he was put on a psych hold - max 48 hours - had to wait numerous times for the courts to force drugs on him. Once he was stabilized he would come home again - decide the meds didn't work and stop taking them - back to the previous cycle - over and over again. Part of the problem was mental illness is not well understood and there are also many things in place to protect those that have mental illness. But it means it is very difficult to get the right treatment. If you child is willing to do therapy and stay on meds you are way ahead in the process - my brother fought both ideas- so we were left with emergency care when things got bad. Start finding those people and places that can help you, your family and him. To this day I can't have a relationship with him out of fear of what he will do when he gets mad at me...I don't want that to be your experience. I don't mean to scare you but the reality is mental illness doesn't go away but symptoms can be treated and they will need to be monitored carefully and all the time so you can be ahead of the anger/manic/depression while he is under your roof.

OP, hugs from here too. My DC has a mild form of bipolar and is barely 100 pounds, so we don't experience the physical fear, but watching the depression and heartbreak and worrying about suicide.... well that by itself is difficult.

do you have any counseling for yourself and family members? Have you sought out any NAMI or DBSA family support groups. I assume your DC has a psychologist as well as a psychiatrist. That is important. DC needs a place (other than you) to be educated about the illness, how to manage symptoms, how to deal with stress, maintaining social rhythms, long term expectations and goals (plenty of people out there who are highly successful despite and even because of their bipolar).

I really encourage you to look at bpso.org and sign up for their on line support group. It is the best thing I have found because it is only for family members of those with bipolar (as opposed to major depression, schizophrenia and/or other major mental illnesses). The BPSO support group creates connections to a large number of people whose loved ones are going thru exactly the same illness and can share all kinds of experiences. I found it extremely useful, both in terms of emotional support and in terms of practical advice. I do not think I would understand the illness today as deeply as I do without BPSO group.

Of course, understanding the illness helps us cope. Your son sounds like he needs a med adjustment and that you are progressing with that. Meds can take time to settle and have their effect. You should ask more questions about this. Lamictal is a mood stabilizer with a known anti-depressant quality, so I do not understand why, if your DC is already manic, he would not be moved to something that is a more established, proven mood stabilizer like Lithium or Depakote. IME, doctors like to use newer drugs, which often don't have a well-established history, proven efficacy in controlled trials, etc. My understanding is that the drugs like Abilify (the anti-psychotics like Zyprexa, Seroquel also) should be prescribed as add ons to squash oncoming mania, not for long term mood stabilization. Other drugs like Lithium and Depakote are considered the gold standard for long term mood stabilization. If you are concerned that the med mixture isn't working, Johns Hopkins has a second opinion service (or clinic, I don't know exactly what they call it). Of course, JHU is renowned for their mood disorder care. If you can manage it, you should really be working with a psychiatrist who specializes in bipolar and sees a lot of bipolar patients.

That said, adolescence is hard because of rapidly changing hormones and weight, which means that it's harder to find a stable med mixture because the child is changing so rapidly. I also find that people are quick to dismiss or overlook early signs as typical adolescent mood swings. It's very difficult to tell the difference between typical adolescence and rising symptoms of mental illness. In this respect, I find it very helpful to keep a journal of symptoms, and depending on your child's age, they can participate in this too.

It's difficult when they get mad. A lot of things get said or done that are regretted. I just try to remain calm during the tantrum. Usually afterward there is some expression of regret. I explain that I know that it is the illness and not them and we love them regardless. We talk about ways to channel anger, ways to handle things before they get too big. Sometimes journaling can help you figure out triggers or warning signs -- lack of sleep, problems at school, friendship, etc.

I highly recommend books by Kay Redfield Jamison (who is bipolar herself and a renowned mood disorder specialist).

OP, I am so, so sorry. I feel for you and your family, deeply.

My mother's brother was diagnosed with schizophrenia in high school. He was 6'6" by age 16, and depending on his meds, weighed between 200+ and 300+ lbs. It was terrifying for her, her parents, and their whole family. They lived in fairly constant fear, not to mention with profound heartbreak. We also have a first degree family member with bipolar disorder, though it wasn't diagnosed until adulthood, so we didn't navigate the process you are navigating now. Medication manages the bipolar for her in adulthood, with an occasional need for a "reset" every 5 or 10 years, but nothing dramatic (knock wood).

I desperately wish there was a magic pill for you and your son, a reliable roadmap, and a magic wand that waved away the stigma. In time, it does seem to be getting better, I think ... or, we must hope it is, to keep going. Please know that you are not alone. Please try and take care of yourself, when you can.

Sending huge virtual hugs to you.

No advice, OP, just sending hugs your way.

Thank s for checking back OP. I posted earlier about my child. Perhaps you need to change docs and get a more supportive team in place. I'm still looking for the right fit. Are you in MD, DC or VA?

How about asking your psychiatrist for some Ativan or Vistaril it is kind of like valium for times when he gets out of control.

OP here - I so appreciate your kind and supportive notes. My son is on both abilify and Lamictal. The abilify was a lifesaver for many years, until this Fall, when mounting school pressures and/or growth and hormone changes just caused the apple cart to upset. Lamictal is new to us and we are very slowly titrating up to the therapeutic dosage. After the hospital we moved him to a small private which serves special needs population and has been a lifesaver.

I have the county emergency services number, but just haven't felt the need to call them. His rages are pretty short lived and we get the younger sibling to safety out of the house and I remove myself so I can hear and see him if I need, but I am out of the line of fire. After the rage, he falls apart and just wants to be with me. You would be shocked how useless his treatment team has been at coming up with a plan to deal with these rages. I am going on instinct and have always known when to take more intensive action - like the hospitalization.

I wish the stigma around mental health was not so great, as I rely on my close friends for support and am tremendously careful about revealing his mental health information to other people. It is so helpful to see replies on here and just know I'm not alone.

Anonymous wrote:Hi Abilify was horrible for my child. Ask your pdoc about Lamictal was life changing improvement.

Highly recommend Lamictal if it works for your DS. My child uses it for epilepsy and absolutely no side effects unlike other medications we tried. You do have to watch very closely for a rash in the first couple of weeks. The rash is rare but can be extremely dangerous. If you make it through with no rash, Lamictal can be a great medication.

Hi Abilify was horrible for my child. Ask your pdoc about Lamictal was life changing improvement.

Sending big huge hugs. Please I beg you to get him help. My brother was like your son and ended up committing suicide when he was 15. My mom hated hospitalizing him and felt horrible the two times she did it but honestly the guilt she lives with now is worse and has destroyed our family pretty much. She blames herself for not getting him help when he said he wanted to die. As soon as it was mentioned she should have gotten him to a hospital or at least called his therapist. Please please at the very least call his doctor and tell them and ask what to do. It's treatable but takes time.

Sending major hugs your way.

Many hugs to you OP. That is a challenging situation. Sending you strength and support. Wish I had solutions.