I saw super smart girls follow loser boyfriends to shitty schools and then transfer after they broke up. Another is high school friends banding together to all attend the same party school. Not a chance I'd let my kids make a dumb decision like that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's so bizarre that UMC parents let teenage brats who've never made $1 in their life determine where and how they're going to spend the $100,000-280,000 ***YOU*** earned!

Give me a break. They want to make a dumb decision tell them to pay for it themselves.

I feel the opposite - I think it is so bizarre that parents are making these decisions for their adult children. Express your concerns, sure, but its not your life or your college experience.

Except they aren't adults and they won't be as long as someone else is picking up their tab. Geez, their prefrontal lobe isn't developed yet -- nope not an adult. Yes, they should have a significant voice in the decision, it not the only voice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's so bizarre that UMC parents let teenage brats who've never made $1 in their life determine where and how they're going to spend the $100,000-280,000 ***YOU*** earned!

Give me a break. They want to make a dumb decision tell them to pay for it themselves.

I feel the opposite - I think it is so bizarre that parents are making these decisions for their adult children. Express your concerns, sure, but its not your life or your college experience.

Its not just that though is it? Its an investment of time and effort in the direction of the future. And if your kid is going to bumblefxxk college to study theater then its a bad choice.

Anonymous wrote:It's so bizarre that UMC parents let teenage brats who've never made $1 in their life determine where and how they're going to spend the $100,000-280,000 ***YOU*** earned!

Give me a break. They want to make a dumb decision tell them to pay for it themselves.

I feel the opposite - I think it is so bizarre that parents are making these decisions for their adult children. Express your concerns, sure, but its not your life or your college experience.

I wish my mom would've been more outspoken. I had my heart set on Boston College - a lovely, excellent School to be sure but a terrible fit culturally for me. I knew my mom had worries but didn't really say anything. Well, lo and behold, I hated it and within a semester was begging her to let me transfer anywhere else.

I ended up transferring to a different school that was both cheaper and a better fit for me (I was much happier) but the process of applying to transfer, trying to figure out fin aid at the new school, etc. was definitely a hassle. Not to mention I was kind of beaten down after a crappy first year of college. So I do kind of wish my mom would have shared her concerns, not in a lecture-y way, but in a candid, here's what I think way.

But maybe I would've still said "to hell with Mom, what does she know?" and gone anyway...as 18 years often do. Who knows.

Our DC was dead set on attending their safety school despite many acceptances. It seemed like an odd choice - big sporty state U with a party scene (and DC is not a partier) etc. So far it has worked out very well - DC is very happy, no interest in transferring and is getting straight As in the honors college. DC plans to attend professional grad school and will be well positioned to do so.

Anonymous wrote:It's so bizarre that UMC parents let teenage brats who've never made $1 in their life determine where and how they're going to spend the $100,000-280,000 ***YOU*** earned!

Give me a break. They want to make a dumb decision tell them to pay for it themselves.

This is a really short-sighted POV. Instead of starting from the proposition that money is what gives you control over your kids, start from the premise that your goal is to teach your kids how to make good choices so that they're responsible and capable decisionmakers when you're not around and/or when they have money of their own. Part of that is modeling rational decisionmaking, part of that is talking through their options from a variety of different perspectives, and part of that is letting them make choices you wouldn't make and then seeing what happens. Sometimes they learn something; sometimes you learn something from that experience.

Almost 20 years later I wish my mother had been more out spoken about her reservations. For a variety of reasons I was set on a small liberal arts college with a big sorority/fraternity scene, which is what I chose. My mother kept suggested I consider bigger schools, in more urban settings, but never pressed me beyond that. I wish she had. I was bored by my sophomore year. Never bother to transfer, just spent a lot of time visiting friends at bigger schools in more urban settings.

Anonymous wrote:Impossible to say without knowing what the apprehension is, OP.

+1

Impossible to say without knowing what the apprehension is, OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For college, she should choose. She is an adult. My answer changes if the school is Liberty University or some for-profit school or similar.

They're only an adult if they've had a job, play sports, clubs, get mostly As and have at least a 90-percentile ACT/SAT. A polished senior is easily 3-5 years more mature than some immature teenage slacker.

As they say, good decisions come from experience. But experience comes from bad decisions. How can someone mature if she is never given the freedom to make her own decisions, including some bad ones?

Anonymous wrote:For college, she should choose. She is an adult. My answer changes if the school is Liberty University or some for-profit school or similar.

They're only an adult if they've had a job, play sports, clubs, get mostly As and have at least a 90-percentile ACT/SAT. A polished senior is easily 3-5 years more mature than some immature teenage slacker.

It's so bizarre that UMC parents let teenage brats who've never made $1 in their life determine where and how they're going to spend the $100,000-280,000 ***YOU*** earned!

Give me a break. They want to make a dumb decision tell them to pay for it themselves.

Anonymous wrote:I also made a poor choice. I followed my mom's advice on applying and went to a perfectly fine school but not fine for me. I ended up transferring after a great first year to a school that was a much better fit for me. (I started at the wrong school, but I had an active social life and got good grades). I didn't apply there the first time because the school was not coed when I originally applied (and I wasn't the right sex to be admitted).

We have a slight variation on this story. Our son was accepted early action at a very highly ranked school. DH and I thought it wouldn't be the right fit. We encouraged him to apply elsewhere, but he was excited about the acceptance and the prestige of the school, and, honestly, he just wanted the whole process to be done. Like the PP above, he had a good social life and got good grades, but decided after the first year to transfer. All's well that ends well -- his new school is a much better fit, both academically and socially, and he learned that if you start down the wrong path, it's not irrevocable. He also learned that USNWR is not infallible.

For college, she should choose. She is an adult. My answer changes if the school is Liberty University or some for-profit school or similar.