Anonymous wrote:One of the things that's hard to separate in this is whether you feel differently about your adopted child because he/she is adopted or because of personality differences that make you closer to one child vs. the other. Plenty of people with all biological children feel differently about one child over another, but they don't have the adoption to attribute it to. Growing up, I saw numerous cases of parent treating their biological children differently, based on gender, interests, personalities, etc...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am a father of two, only one of them being my biological child. I cannot help but feel more attached to my biological child. We all know they need the same amount of love, but at times I find myself giving more to my biological child (which is unfair to the other). I am not a perfect human, but at least I admit to my faults, and acknowledge the fact, thus I make a conscious descision to treat them exactly the same and give them the same amount of attention and care ...even though I do slip up at times, I do make it up to my adopted child - he also needs to feel special. It aint always easy, but it aint hard either - its just a matter of being the best parent you can be for all the children in your care - regardless if they're you're own blood n flesh. Good luck to all of you.
Is it really possible to make up love to a child?
Anonymous wrote:I am a father of two, only one of them being my biological child. I cannot help but feel more attached to my biological child. We all know they need the same amount of love, but at times I find myself giving more to my biological child (which is unfair to the other). I am not a perfect human, but at least I admit to my faults, and acknowledge the fact, thus I make a conscious descision to treat them exactly the same and give them the same amount of attention and care ...even though I do slip up at times, I do make it up to my adopted child - he also needs to feel special. It aint always easy, but it aint hard either - its just a matter of being the best parent you can be for all the children in your care - regardless if they're you're own blood n flesh. Good luck to all of you.
Anonymous wrote:Bottom line, every situation is different and every parent/child relationship is different.
I can guarantee this: for every adoption horror story there are 1000 adoption success stories. The terrible tales of abuse are horrible but aren't the norm. Most parents adopt because they genuinely want to provide a safe, loving home for a child. And those who abuse their adopted children would probably have done the same to their "biological" children if given the chance.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am a father of two, only one of them being my biological child. I cannot help but feel more attached to my biological child. We all know they need the same amount of love, but at times I find myself giving more to my biological child (which is unfair to the other).
This last post is, in my view, the most honest statement I have ever read on the topic. I am in the process of adopting a baby girl. The woman I have called "mom" from the age of 3 until today is not biologically related to me. She married my father when I was just a baby and had 5 biological children with him. I love her very dearly and I know she loves me as well. When I started the process to adopt my baby girl, I asked my mom whether the love one has for a biological child is comparable to the love one has for an adopted child. Her answer was "it is not the same". When I heard that and for few weeks thereafter, I felt a pinch in my heart. Over the months however, and as I got better educated about adoption, I came to understand why my mom answered my question the way she did.
Thank you to the previous poster for being honest with his feelings.
Anonymous wrote:I am a father of two, only one of them being my biological child. I cannot help but feel more attached to my biological child. We all know they need the same amount of love, but at times I find myself giving more to my biological child (which is unfair to the other).
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
Makes you wonder why some people spend a lot of time and effort promoting adoption as an option to young people in distress.
The family you are born into should be the first choice, always.
Might I remind you that this isn't always true. My daughter's extended birth family didn't want to raise her, and neither did my extended birth family. While I agree in principle with you, for a lot of people this isn't always possible.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote: In the daycare I work at, 2 kids that were adopted from Russia just got taken by the social services because their adoptive mother abuses them...
however, there are some out there that should have never been allowed to take a precious life of a child and make their life terrible. I think there are flaws in the system.
Makes you wonder why some people spend a lot of time and effort promoting adoption as an option to young people in distress.
The family you are born into should be the first choice, always.
Anonymous wrote: In the daycare I work at, 2 kids that were adopted from Russia just got taken by the social services because their adoptive mother abuses them...
however, there are some out there that should have never been allowed to take a precious life of a child and make their life terrible. I think there are flaws in the system.