Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel so bad for her kids. Imagine having a tapped out mom whose not all there and a dad whose never home.

She has said herself that the is essentially raising her kids. Fortunately she is a wonderful woman who takes excellent care of them. When she's not there though, I worry a lot.

[b]

Nanny here- The nanny is not 'wonderful' she is an irresponsible enabler. Nannies are mandated reporters and she should have already called CPS.

Anonymous wrote:If I were in your shoes I'd probably get together with the other close friends of hers that you know & approach her DH about staging an intervention. I'd let him know that even though you don't want to call CPS, their kids' safety is at risk so feel like you will be left with no other choice if the situation doesn't change. There are addiction specialists who have experience facilitating interventions so maybe you & your friends can do some research & speak to one prior to approaching the husband.

I just posted a few minutes ago and went through a similar thing with an intervention specialist that cost $$$$. This whole scenario will only work if addict's parents are also involved and on board. They have to stop enabling her. Every person enabling her pretty much needs to stop, and then she'll finally get herself some help.

Ha funny. I am a friend of a friend of a woman who is also a drug addict and alcoholic. Also very wealthy parents. Husband doesn't really know what to do. My friend of a friend had three kids though. I think she's going through some 30s crisis. She got married quickly after college and popped out three kids, so I think that she feels like she missed out of her 20s. She's now clubbing a lot, etc.

Anyways, long story short. OP - my husband is an alcoholic in recovery. I learned this the hard way - There is NOTHING you can do about your friend, because she is being ENABLED by both her husband and father. I would simply distance myself. If you cover for her, bail her out of trouble, make her comfortable while she's using, then you are also enabling her.

Talk to her husband about it and insist he get her help.

If I were in your shoes I'd probably get together with the other close friends of hers that you know & approach her DH about staging an intervention. I'd let him know that even though you don't want to call CPS, their kids' safety is at risk so feel like you will be left with no other choice if the situation doesn't change. There are addiction specialists who have experience facilitating interventions so maybe you & your friends can do some research & speak to one prior to approaching the husband.

Call CPS and stay away from her. I have a relative who is an alcoholic/drug addict and they will suck your life away from you. I cut her out of my life after giving her a rent free house to live in until she got back on her feet and she moved her new drug dealing boy friend in. I had to evict her.

Anonymous wrote:You can't help someone who doesn't want help or who doesn't think they have a problem. It's one of those true cliches.

If it's to the point where she no longer tries to hide it from her kids and is actually endangering them, then you need to step in and call CPS. Or if you have knowledge that she's leaving with the kids, call 911 or even the non-emergency number for your location and let them know you're sure she's drinking while driving. Or if the kids have a play date and you know she'll show up drunk, stall her, call the police and let them know you have a parent there to pick up a kid who is drunk.

She is a high functioning alcoholic and hides her alcohol use very well. She doesn't appear drunk a lot of the time even though she has had a lot to drink. Involving the police and CPS seems like it'd be very traumatic for the kids. I'm trying to avoid that as much as possible. They are 8 and 5 yrs old. Ideally she would be the one that goes and gets help so as not to disrupt the kids' living situation. I wish she would consider that but again, it's very tough to discuss with her. Or I wish her DH would put his foot down and leave with the kids but he won't do that.

Can you reach out to her parents/siblings?

How old are the kids? I know a mom who sounds similar, but I don't think it's that bad. Does she smoke as well? Wondering if it's the same woman.

Sounds to me like the husband is in denial. Please call CPS. You can be anonymous.

You can't help someone who doesn't want help or who doesn't think they have a problem. It's one of those true cliches.

If it's to the point where she no longer tries to hide it from her kids and is actually endangering them, then you need to step in and call CPS. Or if you have knowledge that she's leaving with the kids, call 911 or even the non-emergency number for your location and let them know you're sure she's drinking while driving. Or if the kids have a play date and you know she'll show up drunk, stall her, call the police and let them know you have a parent there to pick up a kid who is drunk.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You may want to reach out to the husband, perhaps with the support of another friend so it is not just you reaching out to the husband. He may not be aware of the situation and it would benefit the family to let him know before involving CPS or the police (unless of course she is drunk driving that moment etc).

The husband knows about it all. He turns the other way because he doesn't know what to do I think. He doesn't want to divorce her I know that. I think speaking to him is a good idea though to let him know how concerned I am and see if there's anything we can collectively do.

OP, why don't you and the other friends do some research on how to approach the husband. I bet there are hotlines, websites or other resources out there on how to handle that conversation. The same resources can give you advice on what to do next, depending on how the husband reacts.

Anonymous wrote:what drugs?

Cocaine and marijuana

Is she in the DC area? This sounds like someone I know vaguely, but I am not a close friend so can't say whether what I've seen was a one time thing or constant with her, but she too has a wealthy family. two young kids, whom she seems to dislike/ignore, and a checked out husband. this woman got very drunk and was hitting on people with her husband and kids there. It was sad. (but we are not in the DC area).

I would call 911 if she were in the car with alcohol and the kids. I would also call CPS and discuss your options.

Its very sad.

what drugs?