Anonymous wrote:I would have smiled sweetly and given it right back to her on Mother's Day.

I like your style.

It isn't necessarily mean just because it hurt someone's feelings. If it was given with benign intent, it isn't mean--just out of touch. Some people blow things way out of proportion.

I could see myself giving a gag gift like that and it would be a joke on my poor Appalachian background, not the receiver. DIL sounds like she has zero sense of humor.

If it was meant as a shot across the bow, the very best revenge is to gamely laugh, smile and keep it moving.

I hate to see what she will bring to the baby shower.

i think it is fabulous and a great gift. love the title. great cookbook.

Anonymous wrote:Funny. But no one on this board has a sense of humor so I imagine most of y'all will say mean.

I actually have a sense of humor and only said it was mean because the receiver of the book was very upset. THAT makes the gesture mean.
Perhaps you should focus on your reading comprehension skills PP.

Funny. But no one on this board has a sense of humor so I imagine most of y'all will say mean.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It may have been a blow, but it's actually a highly-praised, very good southern cookbook--has been around since the 80s. I'd use it.

This.

It's a real cookbook that was really popular a few decades ago. It's just one of those books that has a shocking title to get the buyer's attention. It was probably never meant as an insult. It's something that MIL may very well have received when she was a newlywed and thought STB-DIL would appreciate it. Unfortunately, STB-DIL has probably never heard of the book and instantly assumed it was an insult. Crossed signals over crossed generations. They should talk to smooth things over.

It's highly rated on Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/White-Trash-Cooking-Anniversary-Jargon/dp/1607741873/ref=sr_1_1

Anonymous wrote:It may have been a blow, but it's actually a highly-praised, very good southern cookbook--has been around since the 80s. I'd use it.

This.

It's a real cookbook that was really popular a few decades ago. It's just one of those books that has a shocking title to get the buyer's attention. It was probably never meant as an insult. It's something that MIL may very well have received when she was a newlywed and thought STB-DIL would appreciate it. Unfortunately, STB-DIL has probably never heard of the book and instantly assumed it was an insult. Crossed signals over crossed generations. They should talk to smooth things over.

What does fiancé think?

I would be very offended, but I wouldn't say or do anything response. I'd definitely recalibrate my relationship and expectations of MIL, that's for sure. With that gift, she's telling me something about herself - what is it?

Also, your friend has to have some idea where the "joke" came from. For example, my DH and I have such similar SES backgrounds, from the education levels of each parent to the similarities in schools we attended, that if it came from my MIL it would simply have to be down to tone-deaf humor, not maliciousness. OTOH I was once engaged to a man whose parents were highly educated with prestige careers, unlike mine. That would have been a true insult.

Anonymous wrote:I would have smiled sweetly and given it right back to her on Mother's Day.

Ha. When I was living at home the summer after law school, studying for the bar, my dad left "The Rules of Dating" or some such book where I usually sat at the dining room table. He'd never said anything before about my lack of steady boyfriends but passive-aggressive is sometimes his thing. So I went down to the basement where I recalled once seeing a book about inter-religious dating -- "What to Do if Your Jewish Daughter Marries a Goy" or something like that -- and left it on his desk. The next day it was back in the basement and he never raised the subject again.

Fast forward a few years and my parents both adore my husband, whom I met about a year after that charming exchange.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, it's only a joke if both parties think it's funny. So clearly, based on the bride's response, it was NOT a joke.

+1

+2 But "devastated" is a bit much. If they've had a good relationship so far, bride should talk to MIL and clear the air. Maybe MIL meant it as a joke and would want to know that is wasn't received well, so she can apologize.

It doesn't matter whether the book is great or whether there was an inside joke there. MIL should have realized that publicly giving a book titled in this way is in extremely poor taste.

If she can't be nice now .......