Anonymous wrote:Once a month is A LOT. Once a year might be more reasonable.

Totally agree.

Anonymous wrote:Let me preface by saying that I KNOW we should be grateful to have parents who take such an interest in their grandkids, and we are! But the days are long and the months short, and our weeks so busy, we love spending time together on weekends as a family! Maybe it sounds cliched, but we had our kids to enjoy them. We work all week, they are in school and extracurriculars, and we really love our family weekends, and we are enjoying them now especially, since our kids won't always love spending time with us all weekend.

My parents want them for overnights constantly. We aim for once a month, but we are guilt tripped weekly! "We aren't getting any younger" and the like. Well, we aren't either! And sadly, neither are they. We DO plan a get togethers, usually a dinner and visiting into the evening, twice a month. But I've got to tell you, we love our lazy weekend mornings as a family with the kids home. Are we being selfish? Are we so wrong to put our wants and needs with our own children above what others want? Are we terrible to limit grandparent sleepovers to just once a month?

Tell me how often your kids see their grandparents. I'm really torn here.

Wanting to see your grandkids is okay. Being manipulative is not. Set a schedule that works for you and stick to it. "Sorry, Mom, that won't work for us. I know the kids are looking forward to their regular sleepover on the last Friday of the month."

What do the kids want to do? My mom would say no to overnights and visits sometimes so we could hang out together at home. I wound up reading most of the time because I was bored. I resented that and would've rather been able to spend the night at grandma's house.

"we are guilt tripped" shows your children you are weak and can't handle other adults - that's a far bigger problem for your family.

Anonymous wrote:My kids see some grandparents once a year, some once every few months. Seems kind of greedy of your parents to want them that much. Don't they have anything else to do? They already had their own kids. It's your turn now.

My kids see some grandparents once a year, some once every few months. Seems kind of greedy of your parents to want them that much. Don't they have anything else to do? They already had their own kids. It's your turn now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps, having a standing date night when the grandparents babysit is an option.

Or one day a week they pickup after school and bring them home, cook dinner and have it all done when you and DH get home.

I was going to suggest this as well. Both sets of grandparents are local for us, and each tries to come over once a week. My parents are like clockwork, one weekday every week, they will meet my daughter at the school bus, walk her home, send the nanny home early, and then hang out with DD and the baby all afternoon, have dinner, and start the bedtime routine. DH's parents are not quite as regular but often make it once a week, depending on their schedule (they're not quite retired yet). DH and I can work late, go out to dinner, or just have a more relaxing night than usual because dinner/baths are taken care of. It's really, really nice for us, and the grandparents get a lot of alone time with the kids to spoil them like crazy.

DH's parents do push for more time (because they have less regular weekday time with the kids) and offer sleepovers frequently. We don't do it nearly as often as once a month, but we have enough "adult" evening plans that we probably take them up on it 3-4 times per year. Once a month, I might find it a lot. But I do get that they like the alone time with the kids, and the specialness of a nighttime routine and early morning together.

OP, it sounds like you need more work-life balance. Fighting over time with children is a sign you're biting more than you can chew.

Once a month is definitely a good amount, don't feel guilty.

Agree with PPs who suggested doing sleepovers/weekends in the summer, and/or making it into a date night for you and DH where grandparents pick kids up from school, make dinner, and then have the sleepover.

Another idea - Kids take turns doing sleepovers one at a time. Then you still have the other kid(s) at home with you.

Ah. I seriously want this. My parents are around 6 months of the year and I can't wait until they come up for the summer. A sleepover sounds like free babysitting! Going out with dh and then getting to sleep in.

But I do understand your point. Tell them once a month and they can make it a big deal on their night.

Anonymous wrote:That is what summers are for. Let them spend the night or two nights at a time during the week in the summer months.

This. Or plan sleep overs around school holidays. So if the kids have a teacher workday on a Monday, Grandma gets a Sunday night sleep over. There are enough random school holidays that I'm sure this could be a win-win. You don't have to take the day off work and grandma gets her over nights. Schedule them more frequently in the summer. Grandma can take them to camp or whatever and you and your DH can get some blissful mid-week peace.

The guilt trips aren't cool, but it is wonderful your parents are so invested in not only seeing your children, but really wanting to CARE for your children. When you turn them down make sure you tell them how much you love their support and care. It really is special.

Thanks everyone!

What prompted this post was a call last night telling me how much she "really wanted to take them" overnight. Never mind we DO have a dinner planned this weekend, the kids were sick earlier this week, and they just need to relax!

Stop feeling torn. This is your family and everything you've stated about wanting weekend time together is perfectly reasonable. The guilt tripping needs to be shut down.

"Mom, I've made it clear about the sleepover. I have to hang up now.I'll call you later in the week."