Anonymous
03/01/2017 13:36
Subject: I don't know what to do...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why can't he have normal sex? I am his size( a woman). I never feel limited during sex. You won't see my big ass hanging for a chandelier but other than that.
He would crush me - I am about 150 pounds (5'10").
Not going into details here, but trust me, for various reasons it just doesn't work.
Anonymous
03/01/2017 13:28
Subject: I don't know what to do...
I don't have any advice, just an anecdotal story. My friend married someone similar. He never did lose weight and it's now a huge point of contention since they had a child. In fact I think he has slowly gained more. Wonderful man though and I see why she loves him. But he's in his 30s now - I'm afraid for her going forward.
Anonymous
03/01/2017 13:25
Subject: I don't know what to do...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why can't he have normal sex? I am his size( a woman). I never feel limited during sex. You won't see my big ass hanging for a chandelier but other than that.
He would crush me - I am about 150 pounds (5'10").
Anonymous
03/01/2017 13:17
Subject: I don't know what to do...
Anonymous wrote:Why can't he have normal sex? I am his size( a woman). I never feel limited during sex. You won't see my big ass hanging for a chandelier but other than that.
He would crush me - I am about 150 pounds (5'10").
Anonymous
03/01/2017 12:49
Subject: I don't know what to do...
Why can't he have normal sex? I am his size( a woman). I never feel limited during sex. You won't see my big ass hanging for a chandelier but other than that.
Anonymous
03/01/2017 10:34
Subject: I don't know what to do...
Anonymous wrote:OP here. A few more details: we both have elementary-age kids (me two, him one). Both divorced about three years ago.
His daughter is wonderful and definitely a daddy's girl. I have brought up his health from that perspective - she would be absolutely destroyed if something happened to him.
I am genuinely attracted to him and we do have pretty good sex but we are limited in what we can do.
I think that his habits would improve if we were living together - I'm a good but healthy cook and if we were eating the same stuff I'm pretty sure he'd lose weight. We also work in the same office and usually have lunch together so I can see what he's eating.
You've brought up your concerns. He hasn't taken any action. That is a final answer.
Don't move in together or get married expecting him to change. Recipe for disappointment and resentment.
Anonymous
03/01/2017 09:47
Subject: I don't know what to do...
OP here. A few more details: we both have elementary-age kids (me two, him one). Both divorced about three years ago.
His daughter is wonderful and definitely a daddy's girl. I have brought up his health from that perspective - she would be absolutely destroyed if something happened to him.
I am genuinely attracted to him and we do have pretty good sex but we are limited in what we can do.
I think that his habits would improve if we were living together - I'm a good but healthy cook and if we were eating the same stuff I'm pretty sure he'd lose weight. We also work in the same office and usually have lunch together so I can see what he's eating.
His daughter is wonderful and definitely a daddy's girl. I have brought up his health from that perspective - she would be absolutely destroyed if something happened to him.
I am genuinely attracted to him and we do have pretty good sex but we are limited in what we can do.
I think that his habits would improve if we were living together - I'm a good but healthy cook and if we were eating the same stuff I'm pretty sure he'd lose weight. We also work in the same office and usually have lunch together so I can see what he's eating.
Anonymous
03/01/2017 09:25
Subject: I don't know what to do...
Anonymous wrote:40-something, morbidly obese, incapable of normal sex, had a screwed-up childhood, probably going to have major health problems soon. What a catch!
You realize this guy's red flags vastly outweigh his virtues, right? Really oughta rethink the idea of marriage to him.
Three of the five you list are reversible with weight loss. Is being 40 a liability?
Anonymous
03/01/2017 08:49
Subject: I don't know what to do...
Anonymous wrote:I am in love with a man who is amazing, smart, charming, generous, affectionate, funny. We are planning to get married later this year. He's everything I want, except that he's morbidly obese. At least 350 pounds, probably more. I"m normal weight.
He had a very traumatic childhood which probably would have driven many to suicide - so I understand why he eats. We have been dating for quite a while and at the beginning he seemed to be making efforts to diet, but isn't anymore. He is very busy with his work and doesn't really do anything healthy. I'm pretty health-oriented and would probably not date a person who smoked or drank or used drugs regularly.
Sometimes I get angry because he quit smoking for his ex-wife - but I know that these things are apples and oranges since cigarettes aren't necessary for life, but a person can't give up food.
I have brought up my concerns several times about how scared I am that he will have a heart attack, stroke, develop cancer, etc. Since he's in his forties now, it seems to me that these are really legitimate possibilities. He hasn't responded with any kind of concrete actions and that frustrates me. We'll never have a normal sex life and probably will be hit with major medical bills at some point, maybe not too far off.
I can't imagine life without him, but I don't think an ultimatum would work and I don't know how to make him care about his health. Maybe this is just something that people have to live with?
Any thoughts appreciated! Thanks.
Something like this is almost certain to happen, in addition to diabetes, etc. He is a ticking time bomb.
Anonymous
03/01/2017 08:46
Subject: I don't know what to do...
I bet he's a lovely person, but has issues believing it's okay to take care of himself. This is not uncommon for those with his background. You're going to be battling that the whole time.
Around 50 or so, health issues will start catching up. As others have said, maybe he'd consider bariatric surgery.
If you have resources for a personal trainer and someone to be very strict about healthy foods, and you jump into it with him, you could at least get him to a slightly healthier place.
Around 50 or so, health issues will start catching up. As others have said, maybe he'd consider bariatric surgery.
If you have resources for a personal trainer and someone to be very strict about healthy foods, and you jump into it with him, you could at least get him to a slightly healthier place.
Anonymous
03/01/2017 08:39
Subject: I don't know what to do...
40-something, morbidly obese, incapable of normal sex, had a screwed-up childhood, probably going to have major health problems soon. What a catch!
You realize this guy's red flags vastly outweigh his virtues, right? Really oughta rethink the idea of marriage to him.
You realize this guy's red flags vastly outweigh his virtues, right? Really oughta rethink the idea of marriage to him.
Anonymous
03/01/2017 08:10
Subject: I don't know what to do...
He should have a bariatric surgery. It saved my life having it and everyday I regret not doing it before.
Good luck to you guys.
Good luck to you guys.
Anonymous
03/01/2017 07:57
Subject: I don't know what to do...
Do you plan to have kids?
My cousin was morbidly obese and a health scare. That's what finally allowed his wife to make the point that with two small kids, they had to take better care of themselves. At one point she told him she wouldn't have kids with him and be left a young widow.
OP's husband will always be overweight, realistically, but can she get him to exercise and eat so that his weight is closer to 250 or even 280? Depending on his height, at that weight he wouldn't be big.
He needs his doctor though! Cardiac stress tests, catheterization (with dye through the arteries), etc.
My cousin was morbidly obese and a health scare. That's what finally allowed his wife to make the point that with two small kids, they had to take better care of themselves. At one point she told him she wouldn't have kids with him and be left a young widow.
OP's husband will always be overweight, realistically, but can she get him to exercise and eat so that his weight is closer to 250 or even 280? Depending on his height, at that weight he wouldn't be big.
He needs his doctor though! Cardiac stress tests, catheterization (with dye through the arteries), etc.
Anonymous
03/01/2017 06:54
Subject: Re:I don't know what to do...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Work on it together and buy life insurance.
I think you would have a hard time qualifying for life insurance with those stats - other than the minimum an employer would provide. Physicals are usually required for larger amounts.
I weighed 330 at 28 and no problem getting 4 mill policy.
Anonymous
03/01/2017 05:57
Subject: I don't know what to do...
What about bariatric surgery?