Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess another way to ask is do you have regret when the child reaches bar mitzvah or are you 100% in on the decision? Did you ever doubt the decision at any point along the way? Do they ever question why you are taking them to classes and teaching something but you don't have the same beliefs? When they are younger, do they wonder if you are teaching them this faith and it is right for them, why you don't convert?

Not at the bar mitzvah stage yet but I don't expect to have any regret.

One thing I have learned is that as a non-Jew I actually cannot teach my child Judaism. I can facilitate it but the teaching is not from me. You can't teach what you don't know. Even though I don't care for my native religion anymore (Catholicism) I am not Jewish and thus cannot raise my son Jewish myself. (But his dad, grandma, and community can.)

Why are you ruling out teaching both?

To this point, I'm learning about Judiasm myself and PJ Library is a seriously great program. Free Jewish books for kids sent to you once a month. Anyone raising their kids Jewish or in an interfaith marriage with one Jewish parent should sign up.

https://pjlibrary.org/Home

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how someone who is a (I assume) practicing Christian would agree to raise their children Jewish. One of the most basic tenants of Christianity is that, "No one comes to the Father except through me." If you truly believe in Christianity, wouldn't you believe that your children would be unable to go to heaven?

I just see a lot of heartache and frustration here if you are more than culturally Christian.

+1. I'm Jewish. Husband was raised Catholic, but was not practicing when we met. Interfaith couples find many paths that work, but in all the that I have seen succeed:

* only one parent is actually practicing and believing. The other may have a strong cultural attachment to traditions rooted in faith, but is not actually faithful. (FYI, I put the christmas tree under culture here, even though it gets a lot of airplay).

* they belong to one congregation, and it is welcoming of couples like them.

I would not have been able to raise anything but Jewish kids. I like Judaism. It makes sense to me. if we both weren't on board, and fully on board, we would have broken up.

+1, we are another Jewish/Catholic family. We both are non-practicing at this point but our children identify Jewish by birthright/culture. I would not be ok raising my children Christian or Catholic. My husband was fine with it as he was religious when he was younger but not anymore. If anything he was disappointed I was not practicing. I've tried to do Christmas for my husband and its very uncomfortable as having a tree is not part of anything I have known. He also was surprised when our child identified more with the menorah vs. a tree (a bit disappointed he was not into both) but I think the child liked 8 presents over 8 days and lighting the candle vs. one day with a few presents.

For me, religion goes by the mother. I don't think you should raise your child in a religion you are not comfortable with. Embrace both and let the child decide later on but kids know how you feel and will probably lean one way at some point.

In some congregations, if mom is not Jewish you will need to covert the child.

My step kids are Jewish. I'm Italian. Religion was never a part of my home life growing up and my best friend was Jewish, so I'm totally comfortable with it. It'll be awkward when they get bar and bat mitzvah'd and their mom and I are both there, but oh well.

Check out http://iffp.net. Great resource / option for interfaith families.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how someone who is a (I assume) practicing Christian would agree to raise their children Jewish. One of the most basic tenants of Christianity is that, "No one comes to the Father except through me." If you truly believe in Christianity, wouldn't you believe that your children would be unable to go to heaven?

I just see a lot of heartache and frustration here if you are more than culturally Christian.

+1. I'm Jewish. Husband was raised Catholic, but was not practicing when we met. Interfaith couples find many paths that work, but in all the that I have seen succeed:

* only one parent is actually practicing and believing. The other may have a strong cultural attachment to traditions rooted in faith, but is not actually faithful. (FYI, I put the christmas tree under culture here, even though it gets a lot of airplay).

* they belong to one congregation, and it is welcoming of couples like them.

I would not have been able to raise anything but Jewish kids. I like Judaism. It makes sense to me. if we both weren't on board, and fully on board, we would have broken up.

Agree with this. My aunt and uncle did it successfully but my aunt was a very lapsed Catholic, hadn't stepped foot in church for years, and didn't care in the slightest about the cultural traditions. She didn't convert to Judaism but they raised the kids Reform. On the other hand my uncle, who'd been pretty religious in his youth -- even spent a few years in Israel and served in the Israeli army -- had lost a lot of interest in the religious aspects by the time they got married. So the kids went to Hebrew school and had bar mitzvahs and that was about it. They had a seder for Passover but they didn't actually keep Passover. Identified culturally with Judaism but not really the religious aspects, but also didn't do any Christian cultural stuff. Anyway, it worked for them. One cousin married a Christian and I highly doubt they will raise their kids Jewish; the other is dating a Jewish girl and may.

OP here -- thanks for the responses.

Does the child ever question why you did not convert? How do you explain that.

Does the child question if you are teaching them and taking them to classes why you don't practice the same faith? Is it difficult to explain why it is good for them but not right for you?


After making the decision to raise a child another religion, do you have any doubt along the way? When the reach the bat mitzvah do you have any regret or are you 100% with your original decision?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess another way to ask is do you have regret when the child reaches bar mitzvah or are you 100% in on the decision? Did you ever doubt the decision at any point along the way? Do they ever question why you are taking them to classes and teaching something but you don't have the same beliefs? When they are younger, do they wonder if you are teaching them this faith and it is right for them, why you don't convert?

Not at the bar mitzvah stage yet but I don't expect to have any regret.

One thing I have learned is that as a non-Jew I actually cannot teach my child Judaism. I can facilitate it but the teaching is not from me. You can't teach what you don't know. Even though I don't care for my native religion anymore (Catholicism) I am not Jewish and thus cannot raise my son Jewish myself. (But his dad, grandma, and community can.)

Why are you ruling out teaching both?

OP here. I guess another way to ask is do you have regret when the child reaches bar mitzvah or are you 100% in on the decision? Did you ever doubt the decision at any point along the way? Do they ever question why you are taking them to classes and teaching something but you don't have the same beliefs? When they are younger, do they wonder if you are teaching them this faith and it is right for them, why you don't convert?

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how someone who is a (I assume) practicing Christian would agree to raise their children Jewish. One of the most basic tenants of Christianity is that, "No one comes to the Father except through me." If you truly believe in Christianity, wouldn't you believe that your children would be unable to go to heaven?

I just see a lot of heartache and frustration here if you are more than culturally Christian.

+1. I'm Jewish. Husband was raised Catholic, but was not practicing when we met. Interfaith couples find many paths that work, but in all the that I have seen succeed:

* only one parent is actually practicing and believing. The other may have a strong cultural attachment to traditions rooted in faith, but is not actually faithful. (FYI, I put the christmas tree under culture here, even though it gets a lot of airplay).

* they belong to one congregation, and it is welcoming of couples like them.

I would not have been able to raise anything but Jewish kids. I like Judaism. It makes sense to me. if we both weren't on board, and fully on board, we would have broken up.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how someone who is a (I assume) practicing Christian would agree to raise their children Jewish. One of the most basic tenants of Christianity is that, "No one comes to the Father except through me." If you truly believe in Christianity, wouldn't you believe that your children would be unable to go to heaven?

I just see a lot of heartache and frustration here if you are more than culturally Christian.

+1

I am raising my son Jewish but I don't identify at all with my Christian upbringing so it's not a big deal. We still do Christmas and Easter for fun. I works. It also works for my friend who fully converted and embraces Judaism as her own now. I won't convert because I am an atheist and not into organized religion.

You are more in the middle though. I would not recommend planning to give up your religion if it means something to you. And you can raise your kids interfaith! You don't have to chose.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was extremely proud during their bat mitzvah but also had pains of loss during my nieces first communion. You can grieve and still be emerged and proud of your new Jewish culture.

I is not really your jewish culture, but a culture where you are the outsider, alien looking in. Tolerated but not fully accepted.

C'mon. There are certainly synagogues that are les accepting, but there are a whole slew where the congregations accept the Jews by choice and the fellow travelers to be full members of the community. This is their official position. Reform, reconstructionist, and Conservative. What my synagogue can't tolerate is treating anyone within the community as less-than.

And to the original poster here, yeah. I get ya. I am in an interfaith marriage, and we made choices that we honor. I certainly understand the feelings of loss.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was extremely proud during their bat mitzvah but also had pains of loss during my nieces first communion. You can grieve and still be emerged and proud of your new Jewish culture.

I is not really your jewish culture, but a culture where you are the outsider, alien looking in. Tolerated but not fully accepted.

Are you going to a Reform synagogue? I feel accepted there.

Anonymous wrote:I was extremely proud during their bat mitzvah but also had pains of loss during my nieces first communion. You can grieve and still be emerged and proud of your new Jewish culture.

I is not really your jewish culture, but a culture where you are the outsider, alien looking in. Tolerated but not fully accepted.

^^ I had agreed before we got married that we would raise the kids Jewish and I would practice as well. That was all fine in theory but at first when it came down to it, at the beginning of our marriage I thought: well it turns out I don't really like organized religion... that said we have now been married 10+ years and were going to a conservative synagogue at first but have since switched to a Reform one and I feel like I like it now.