Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:First question: do you have kids?

Grown kids yes

Then I am going to say yes. The reason being is that there is nothing worse than cheating when you have children. He is morally deprived and self centered. He is probably still contacting her.

I'm certain he is not contacting her - he is being completely transparent with me about his phone and time etc. But you did answer my question - he wants to but won't because I am in the way. I need to figure out if this is enough for me moving forward.

Why did you decide to stay together? He was/is obviously in love with her.

Because he loves me and we are a family. I would be lonely and broke without him.

Then it sounds like he holds all the cards. He's probably still seeing her.

Anonymous wrote:I agree with everything a PP stated. I had an affair, and when I got caught I did not want to stop seeing her, in fact, I wanted to be with her for a while after that. But, the further I got away from it, I realized more and more clearly what an awful thing I had done and how dumb it would've been to throw away everything I had built with my wife for someone that I had no idea how well I really knew. I thought about her a lot for a while, and still do from time to time, but my only thoughts now are a hope that she is happy. Very happy with my wife, would not trade her, and no way I'd go through anything like that again. Based on all you have shared regarding transparency, I think you have reason to be hopeful and positive.

Anonymous wrote:Transparency is good in theory but so easy to avoid. Here honey, here is my computer and all my passwords. Except for that new email account I just opened that you don't know about so never think to look for.

In the end you either trust or you don't.

Anonymous wrote:This thread is going to make me nauseous. --- cheated on

Anonymous wrote:I was in a long term affair, off and on, for 25 years! (Long story...) He became a part of my identity after all that time.
I do still think about him, naturally, but more in a way that I hope he's happy. Not longing or pining for him.

I used to think we had a great love story. With time and distance, I've realized that life is not a romance novel. People move on; they are resilient. Part of being resilient is that you do get to the point where your ex is no longer looming large in your thoughts. I'm certain your husband is well on his way toward this healing-- focusing on the here and now and the future.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First question: do you have kids?

Grown kids yes

Then I am going to say yes. The reason being is that there is nothing worse than cheating when you have children. He is morally deprived and self centered. He is probably still contacting her.

I'm certain he is not contacting her - he is being completely transparent with me about his phone and time etc. But you did answer my question - he wants to but won't because I am in the way. I need to figure out if this is enough for me moving forward.

My former AP was also totally transparent with his wife with his phone and his time. We would only communicate on gchat (from a secret account), during work hours, and had a standing late lunch at a hotel by his office that I paid for, twice per week. The time was blocked off on his calendar as a one-on-one with various staff members. This went on for four years after his wife catching us (eight years in all), before I finally broke it off.

That's pretty chilling. Glad you came to your senses. I pity his wife.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First question: do you have kids?

Grown kids yes

Then I am going to say yes. The reason being is that there is nothing worse than cheating when you have children. He is morally deprived and self centered. He is probably still contacting her.

I'm certain he is not contacting her - he is being completely transparent with me about his phone and time etc. But you did answer my question - he wants to but won't because I am in the way. I need to figure out if this is enough for me moving forward.

Why did you decide to stay together? He was/is obviously in love with her.

Because he loves me and we are a family. I would be lonely and broke without him.

Anonymous wrote:I think about mine every day. It's been 2 years since we have spoken. We had a thing going on for almost 8 years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First question: do you have kids?

Grown kids yes

Then I am going to say yes. The reason being is that there is nothing worse than cheating when you have children. He is morally deprived and self centered. He is probably still contacting her.

I'm certain he is not contacting her - he is being completely transparent with me about his phone and time etc. But you did answer my question - he wants to but won't because I am in the way. I need to figure out if this is enough for me moving forward.

My former AP was also totally transparent with his wife with his phone and his time. We would only communicate on gchat (from a secret account), during work hours, and had a standing late lunch at a hotel by his office that I paid for, twice per week. The time was blocked off on his calendar as a one-on-one with various staff members. This went on for four years after his wife catching us (eight years in all), before I finally broke it off.