OP here- thanks for all of the perspectives. I did bring up, when my dad wasn't around, which is best. He's great in many ways, but trust me he is not great in many ways, but really, that's neither here nor there, I have no interest in trying to change my dad, I accept what he is and what he isn't and our relationship works accordingly.

I just asked her how he is doing, and told her that I never know if she wants me to bring it up but that I wanted her to know that I do of course think about her and him and just was kind and compassionate without ignoring it, which she said she really appreciated. She didn't break down or anything she just talked about what is happening with him now and I told her that I hope she leans on her sisters (who she is close with) and tries to get to see someone professionally for herself when she needs to. It was actually not a very hard talk at all. And I didn't put myself in a weird position of assuming a role of a main support but just let her know that I'm thinking about them.

FWIW, I understand that this is a different situation than many when you have someone who commits violent crimes with the intent of hurting someone else.

Thanks for the perspectives.

Anonymous wrote:I have a relative who is in prison for molesting children. No one even mentions his name.

I also have other step - family members with drug addiction. Showing support for their family is easier for obvious reasons...

I do too. We never, ever talk about him, and he will never get out because he got life without parole. He's such a violent offender he's at Red Onion. It killed his mother, she literally died a year after he went to jail. We took care of her, asked her how she was doing, checked on her regularly. But never discussed the specifics. We are all so ashamed of our relative, I'm so,glad he's locked away.

just ask how son is doing. Be compassionate.