Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I'm not who you're looking for as I am a woman but by nature I suspect I am more docile, easy going, etc. than most other women I know and the ones I read posts by on here. I'm just not every demanding. I was always very shy which has turned into reserve as an adult. I don't have super strong opinions on most things (except Trump but that's unusual for me). I HATE confrontation. I'm not competitive at all.

I married a man who is very competitive and aggressive by nature. He hates to lose at anything, even board games, which is crazy to me that anyone cares about stuff like that, lol. He makes most of the decisions concerning our lives, taking into consideration my input, and we've both been happy about this situation for a long time. We're coming up on our 12th wedding anniversary. However, a friend's husband died recently and I realized that if that happened to me I'd be SOL because there are sooooo many things that I rely on my husband for. He takes care of all our financial paperwork, taxes, house and yard stuff, our cars, etc. When we go somewhere, he always drives. I decide where we should travel but then he arranges all the details and takes care of the paperwork. He's older than me and has always been a high earner so he's always paid for everything. My name wasn't even on the deed to our first house because I was so young when we bought it and didn't have a source of income or even a credit history. Really my only domain where I take care of the details is the kids and I keep him updated on all that stuff.

We have a happy strong married but yeah I realize that I am probably unusually reliant on him. I'm not sure why I am this way as I had a good, happy childhood, etc. I guess maybe I was too sheltered? I'm used to having someone else take care of me. I married my husband at 24 and lived with him for two years before that so this is all I've known pretty much. I went from my parents' house, to college, to my husband's house. I've never lived on my own.

No offense but what does your husband get out of this deal?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I'm not who you're looking for as I am a woman but by nature I suspect I am more docile, easy going, etc. than most other women I know and the ones I read posts by on here. I'm just not every demanding. I was always very shy which has turned into reserve as an adult. I don't have super strong opinions on most things (except Trump but that's unusual for me). I HATE confrontation. I'm not competitive at all.

I married a man who is very competitive and aggressive by nature. He hates to lose at anything, even board games, which is crazy to me that anyone cares about stuff like that, lol. He makes most of the decisions concerning our lives, taking into consideration my input, and we've both been happy about this situation for a long time. We're coming up on our 12th wedding anniversary. However, a friend's husband died recently and I realized that if that happened to me I'd be SOL because there are sooooo many things that I rely on my husband for. He takes care of all our financial paperwork, taxes, house and yard stuff, our cars, etc. When we go somewhere, he always drives. I decide where we should travel but then he arranges all the details and takes care of the paperwork. He's older than me and has always been a high earner so he's always paid for everything. My name wasn't even on the deed to our first house because I was so young when we bought it and didn't have a source of income or even a credit history. Really my only domain where I take care of the details is the kids and I keep him updated on all that stuff.

We have a happy strong married but yeah I realize that I am probably unusually reliant on him. I'm not sure why I am this way as I had a good, happy childhood, etc. I guess maybe I was too sheltered? I'm used to having someone else take care of me. I married my husband at 24 and lived with him for two years before that so this is all I've known pretty much. I went from my parents' house, to college, to my husband's house. I've never lived on my own.

No offense but what does your husband get out of this deal?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I'm not who you're looking for as I am a woman but by nature I suspect I am more docile, easy going, etc. than most other women I know and the ones I read posts by on here. I'm just not every demanding. I was always very shy which has turned into reserve as an adult. I don't have super strong opinions on most things (except Trump but that's unusual for me). I HATE confrontation. I'm not competitive at all.

I married a man who is very competitive and aggressive by nature. He hates to lose at anything, even board games, which is crazy to me that anyone cares about stuff like that, lol. He makes most of the decisions concerning our lives, taking into consideration my input, and we've both been happy about this situation for a long time. We're coming up on our 12th wedding anniversary. However, a friend's husband died recently and I realized that if that happened to me I'd be SOL because there are sooooo many things that I rely on my husband for. He takes care of all our financial paperwork, taxes, house and yard stuff, our cars, etc. When we go somewhere, he always drives. I decide where we should travel but then he arranges all the details and takes care of the paperwork. He's older than me and has always been a high earner so he's always paid for everything. My name wasn't even on the deed to our first house because I was so young when we bought it and didn't have a source of income or even a credit history. Really my only domain where I take care of the details is the kids and I keep him updated on all that stuff.

We have a happy strong married but yeah I realize that I am probably unusually reliant on him. I'm not sure why I am this way as I had a good, happy childhood, etc. I guess maybe I was too sheltered? I'm used to having someone else take care of me. I married my husband at 24 and lived with him for two years before that so this is all I've known pretty much. I went from my parents' house, to college, to my husband's house. I've never lived on my own.

No offense but what does your husband get out of this deal?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I imagine having a totally docile spouse would be totally boring, like like having a ridiculously intense spouse would be totally exhausting.

Like almost all personality traits, everything is best in moderation.

My DH loves that I am strong willed and smart and opinionated. He also loves that I'm kind and not rigid and able to go with the flow and resolve arguments peacefully and constructively.

How do you have passion with someone who's not passionate about anything?

Why would you assume that submissive people have no passions? I'm sure they do, they are human too. The difference is, they don't feel the need to jam their opinions and viewpoints down other people's throats or get their way all the time.

I think you're simplifying a large spectrum into two pretty extreme camps. I think of someone on the extreme end of docile as someone that never really seeks out their own desires, at least not at the expense of virtually anyone's time/trouble. And I think of passion as something that drives people to seek it out or advocate for or whatever for whatever they are passionate about. So IMO a docile person can be passionate and likely unhappy as they are constantly quashing it, but more likely, just be a kind of c'est la vie whatever kind of a person. Which is fine I guess, not something that sounds very satisfying to me but certainly I'm sure that person would make someone very happy.

On the other end, there's a difference between someone who like, can't interact with people who share different viewpoints without turning it into a federal case or always pushing to make things happen THEIR way on THEIR timeline.

As I said in my post, its generally the space in between that is desirable. But not to everyone of course.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I imagine having a totally docile spouse would be totally boring, like like having a ridiculously intense spouse would be totally exhausting.

Like almost all personality traits, everything is best in moderation.

My DH loves that I am strong willed and smart and opinionated. He also loves that I'm kind and not rigid and able to go with the flow and resolve arguments peacefully and constructively.

How do you have passion with someone who's not passionate about anything?

Why would you assume that submissive people have no passions? I'm sure they do, they are human too. The difference is, they don't feel the need to jam their opinions and viewpoints down other people's throats or get their way all the time.

Anonymous wrote:Well I'm not who you're looking for as I am a woman but by nature I suspect I am more docile, easy going, etc. than most other women I know and the ones I read posts by on here. I'm just not every demanding. I was always very shy which has turned into reserve as an adult. I don't have super strong opinions on most things (except Trump but that's unusual for me). I HATE confrontation. I'm not competitive at all.

I married a man who is very competitive and aggressive by nature. He hates to lose at anything, even board games, which is crazy to me that anyone cares about stuff like that, lol. He makes most of the decisions concerning our lives, taking into consideration my input, and we've both been happy about this situation for a long time. We're coming up on our 12th wedding anniversary. However, a friend's husband died recently and I realized that if that happened to me I'd be SOL because there are sooooo many things that I rely on my husband for. He takes care of all our financial paperwork, taxes, house and yard stuff, our cars, etc. When we go somewhere, he always drives. I decide where we should travel but then he arranges all the details and takes care of the paperwork. He's older than me and has always been a high earner so he's always paid for everything. My name wasn't even on the deed to our first house because I was so young when we bought it and didn't have a source of income or even a credit history. Really my only domain where I take care of the details is the kids and I keep him updated on all that stuff.

We have a happy strong married but yeah I realize that I am probably unusually reliant on him. I'm not sure why I am this way as I had a good, happy childhood, etc. I guess maybe I was too sheltered? I'm used to having someone else take care of me. I married my husband at 24 and lived with him for two years before that so this is all I've known pretty much. I went from my parents' house, to college, to my husband's house. I've never lived on my own.

Anonymous wrote:I imagine having a totally docile spouse would be totally boring, like like having a ridiculously intense spouse would be totally exhausting.

Like almost all personality traits, everything is best in moderation.

My DH loves that I am strong willed and smart and opinionated. He also loves that I'm kind and not rigid and able to go with the flow and resolve arguments peacefully and constructively.

How do you have passion with someone who's not passionate about anything?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure what OP calls submissive. In a healthy relationship people submit and compromise all the time. Otherwise their lives turn into a nightmare. It's kind of sad that being a reasonable, kind, and supportive spouse often gets labeled as being a doormat. Most people don't know the difference if it hits them in the face.

Some people are naturally more submissive by nature. They are followers, not leaders. They do not like confrontation. They are not competitive. They tend to be easy going, people pleasers. I would guess that they tend to be natural care takers (nurses rather than physicians, preschool teachers rather than college professors, homemakers rather then business people, things like that). I wouldn't say that they are doormats, necessarily, but more that they naturally feel more comfortable taking direction rather giving direction.

Anonymous wrote:Well I'm not who you're looking for as I am a woman but by nature I suspect I am more docile, easy going, etc. than most other women I know and the ones I read posts by on here. I'm just not every demanding. I was always very shy which has turned into reserve as an adult. I don't have super strong opinions on most things (except Trump but that's unusual for me). I HATE confrontation. I'm not competitive at all.

I married a man who is very competitive and aggressive by nature. He hates to lose at anything, even board games, which is crazy to me that anyone cares about stuff like that, lol. He makes most of the decisions concerning our lives, taking into consideration my input, and we've both been happy about this situation for a long time. We're coming up on our 12th wedding anniversary. However, a friend's husband died recently and I realized that if that happened to me I'd be SOL because there are sooooo many things that I rely on my husband for. He takes care of all our financial paperwork, taxes, house and yard stuff, our cars, etc. When we go somewhere, he always drives. I decide where we should travel but then he arranges all the details and takes care of the paperwork. He's older than me and has always been a high earner so he's always paid for everything. My name wasn't even on the deed to our first house because I was so young when we bought it and didn't have a source of income or even a credit history. Really my only domain where I take care of the details is the kids and I keep him updated on all that stuff.

We have a happy strong married but yeah I realize that I am probably unusually reliant on him. I'm not sure why I am this way as I had a good, happy childhood, etc. I guess maybe I was too sheltered? I'm used to having someone else take care of me. I married my husband at 24 and lived with him for two years before that so this is all I've known pretty much. I went from my parents' house, to college, to my husband's house. I've never lived on my own.

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure what OP calls submissive. In a healthy relationship people submit and compromise all the time. Otherwise their lives turn into a nightmare. It's kind of sad that being a reasonable, kind, and supportive spouse often gets labeled as being a doormat. Most people don't know the difference if it hits them in the face.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure what OP calls submissive. In a healthy relationship people submit and compromise all the time. Otherwise their lives turn into a nightmare. It's kind of sad that being a reasonable, kind, and supportive spouse often gets labeled as being a doormat. Most people don't know the difference if it hits them in the face.

OP is pretty clear that he's not talking about mutual compromise between spouses who are equals in the relationship. OP asked, "do you wish you'd married someone more docile, agreeable, etc? Someone who would let you lead?" So, the husband is dominant/controlling and the wife is submissive/controlled. Sounds lovely.