OP here. These responses have been very helpful, thank you!

1. In the past, I've enjoyed talking about everything and (almost) anything with my folks. We were able to disagree peacefully and move on, over career choices, fashion choices, real estate choices. And now--we can't. Politics is taboo; their world, as someone posted, has gotten smaller so they obsess over things that have long been decided ("If only you'd gone to that other college.") It's painful for me to watch and to be a part of! So the camp decision--which I'll make in a few weeks--is part of a larger, more painful dynamic of not being able to discuss decisions, whether big or small, with my folks.

2. They were both born in 1930. So they're not spring chickens. My siblings say, "Be grateful they're alive and relatively healthy," and that's a good perspective from them. Easier for them since they live thousands of miles away.

3. I don't take money or ask for it. But if they're going to insist on sleepaway camp, which is extremely expensive relative to our local options, then you bet I'll ask them to help foot the bill.

4. The "push" for a shy child: It's hard to know when to push. My daughter is not particularly athletic (neither was I), and I've pushed her to continue with soccer and to read the sports pages. My lack of participation in sports has hurt my career, I think. My parents, who are both athletic, didn't push me (and I was grateful, at the time). At every summer camp, I push her to invite someone home for a playdate after the first week.

5. Ageing parents (the subject of a different thread, of course): The challenges are almost as great as raising children! Sometimes it's as if the parents I knew have died, and been replaced with these people. That's a bit strong, but true in this case. I have to learn how to talk with them about things on which we disagree or we'll barely be able to discuss the weather!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You'll have an easier time setting boundaries with your parents when you completely stop accepting money from them.

She didn't say she was. She said in the past she got help with pick up and drop off.

The fact that she quickly said "well, if they pay for it!" hints at their being a downward flow of cash in their family. Those of us who have never accepted cash would never say or think such a thing.

Anonymous wrote:You'll have an easier time setting boundaries with your parents when you completely stop accepting money from them.

She didn't say she was. She said in the past she got help with pick up and drop off.

Mom/Dad - please stop raising this issue. Larla is not going and the subject is not up for discussion.

NP here. I think that sometimes people who are very gung ho about sleep away camp don't understand why others aren't as enthusiastic as they are. I say this as someone who absolutely loved sleep away camp and went for many many years. Now one of my children loves it and goes back every year, and my other child doesn't love it or hate it but would rather go to daycamp. My own father spent many summers at sleep away camp for the entire summer. My mother's family was poor and she didn't even go to any camps. My father was so happy that I loved it but he also understood that my siblings didn't like it. OP, I think you just need to be very blunt and tell your parents your child doesn't want to overnight camp, so this summer she's not going overnight camp---discussion closed. You can't control their reaction or their feelings about this, but you can control your family. That's all you have to do.

Sign her up for day camp and when your parents ask again tell them she's all signed up for camp.

Never did sleep away. Not a thing where I come from.

I would change the subject every time or say something like "what would I have to say for you to understand that this decision has already been made?"

You may need to rely on them less for help if you are seeking their help so much that they are cornering u at every turn.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell them no. She's not ready, we'll consider it next year. Then you shut down further communication on the subject.


Sidenote, you may want to start pushing your daughter a little more to do things she isn't comfortable with, no it doesn't have to be sleep away camp, but it should be something. She's 11 and needs to start finding her footing. Your description of your daughter is a lot like me at that age and I wish my mom had given me a little more of a push to spread my wings it would have saved me a lot of pain and issues as an adult.

Disagree. I was a shy kid and my parents tried to help me come out of my shell, but it just made me upset and I would withdraw more. Ultimately I grew out of it in my own time. Being shy or a "late bloomer" is not a pathology.

I didn't say it was pathology. Shyness itself isn't an issue, it becomes an issue when it is holding you back from normal developmental things. Only OP knows where her daughter is with that. I encourage her to take an honest look at that. There are ways to help a child without causing damage. Perhaps your parents went about the wrong way.
Sometimes kids need a little push out of their comfort zone. I needed the push, and wish my parents would have done more in that respect.

Anonymous wrote:Why do your parents get a say?

Did they send YOU to sleepaway camp as a child? You reference their fond experience but no mention of your own.

Uhhh, yes she did... she said so in her very first post.

I was miserable when I went to sleepaway camp--I was homesick and lonely and didn't like the dances with the boys' camp or the giggly boy talk in my bunk. I think my daughter is a bit like me that way.

Whether or not sleepaway camp is a good idea is really dependent on the kid. You know you kid. Your parents have no say in this.

I think it is good to listen to other's opinions, and even question if you are making the wrong decision, but in the end, you as parents need to go with what you believe in.

How are your parents depression era people? My grandparents were born in the mid 20s and are now in their 90s.

A child shouldn't be forced to do overnight camp. It has to come from them. DS did it at age 9 and loved it (he's going back again this year). DD is much less independent and may never go!

Anonymous wrote:Tell them no. She's not ready, we'll consider it next year. Then you shut down further communication on the subject.


Sidenote, you may want to start pushing your daughter a little more to do things she isn't comfortable with, no it doesn't have to be sleep away camp, but it should be something. She's 11 and needs to start finding her footing. Your description of your daughter is a lot like me at that age and I wish my mom had given me a little more of a push to spread my wings it would have saved me a lot of pain and issues as an adult.

Disagree. I was a shy kid and my parents tried to help me come out of my shell, but it just made me upset and I would withdraw more. Ultimately I grew out of it in my own time. Being shy or a "late bloomer" is not a pathology.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your parents are right. She is starting to get too old for sleep away camp. Most don't go after age 14-15. The time is now.

No they're not. This isn't an issue of who is wrong or right. It's about OP raising her own kids in the way she wants. Her parents had their opportunity to raise her, and now she is raising her own child.

plus 1

Tell them no. She's not ready, we'll consider it next year. Then you shut down further communication on the subject.


Sidenote, you may want to start pushing your daughter a little more to do things she isn't comfortable with, no it doesn't have to be sleep away camp, but it should be something. She's 11 and needs to start finding her footing. Your description of your daughter is a lot like me at that age and I wish my mom had given me a little more of a push to spread my wings it would have saved me a lot of pain and issues as an adult.