Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try doing it at bedtime with the light out.
Im not at this stage yet but Ive heard this is a when kids like to open up because youre not looking at them.

Terrible suggestion. They have just wound down after a day at school and just before they sleep you ask them to relive it. Great parenting skills.

Wow. That's mean.

NP, but my kids frequently talk much more when we are not looking at each other. In the car, while I'm cooking dinner, or laying down in bed before they go to sleep. No one is saying relive a stressful day - just have a conversation.

Wow, nasty. Ignore the pp. I have read the very advice you mentioned many, many times. Hardly bad parenting.

I ask questions that aren't specific to DCs day -- games the kids are playing at the playground, how's a specific friend doing, that sort of thing.

But I will add that my parents are the absolute best at getting my DD, who is 8, to talk. Maybe it's because they basically don't say anything, except non-committal noises to encourage her to keep talking. I don't know but she will sit in the kitchen with my mom or dad and talk non-stop for 30 minutes.

We play roses and thorns at dinner or bedtime. Everyone says at least one thing they loved and didn't like about their day.

We also do highs and lows at dinner time. Everybody says what the high point and low point of their day was. We don't always even make it all the way around the table, but it really gets the conversation about their days going.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try doing it at bedtime with the light out.
Im not at this stage yet but Ive heard this is a when kids like to open up because youre not looking at them.

Terrible suggestion. They have just wound down after a day at school and just before they sleep you ask them to relive it. Great parenting skills.

Wow. That's mean.

NP, but my kids frequently talk much more when we are not looking at each other. In the car, while I'm cooking dinner, or laying down in bed before they go to sleep. No one is saying relive a stressful day - just have a conversation.

Did anyone do anything silly today usually gets a response.

Try not to interrogate especially right after school. How was your day? and follow by a bunch of questions. Some kids hate to answer all these questions. They just left school, what makes you think they want to talk about it. It's like work, I don't like to talk about work after I leave work.

So, what I've been doing if I get short answers of yes/no, is to just talk about other stuff. Anything. Leave the real talking right before bed and after reading. My son loves to talk then with or without cuddling. At some point, make it funny. Sometimes, you are just too tired to talk so just let it be. I also reference my own childhood so he gets an understanding of how you are as a child. You are not just the adult who demands and tell them what to do. At some point in your life, you were just like your child to some degree and you had parents telling you what to do back then.

My boys hate questions - instead, just listen more and ask less questions and eventually stuff will come out - usually when you least expect it. I have a teenager and an elementary school kid and I can tell you that the best strategy, especially with my teen, is to be quiet a lot (not my personality, I'm a talker) and then he is more likely to volunteer something. Also, it helps to not nag or he just shuts down about other stuff.

25 Ways to Ask Your Kids ‘So How Was School Today?’ Without Asking Them ‘So How Was School Today?’:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/liz-evans/25-ways-to-ask-your-kids-so-how-was-school-today-without-asking-them-so-how-was-school-today_b_5738338.html

What was the best part of your day?
Really? That does sound fun!
[Follow up question focusing on the positive or the silly.]

Sometimes it stops at that. But sometimes it spirals into a fun and interesting conversation.