Anonymous wrote:For better or for worse - my parents had a rule for Freshmen year in college: we were not permitted to visit home before Thanksgiving. 4. for 4 it happened to work OK for us. Good luck Op. But I'd make sure you don't spoil her at home - cook her meals, do her laundry. Cause who wouldn't want to be home?

I do not subscribe to this philosophy. I want my kids to be responsible and be able to function as adults outside the home. However, I do not want to make them uncomfortable at home so that they are happy to move away. My home remains their home, even if they move away. I want them to have a good idea and memory of how a home should be welcoming and comforting so that when they have to recreate a home for themselves they have a good idea of what it means.

When my DD went to college, having a snack area, fridge and microwave was important to her. Not only so that she had access to a meal, snack, tea or coffee when she was studying but also so that she could entertain her friends. This is what she has seen at home and this is exactly what she was able to replicate in her dorm room. A well decorated room, an organized and clean bathroom, a comfortable common area - she is able to manage very well in her dorm because that what having a comfy and cozy environment means to her.

For better or for worse - my parents had a rule for Freshmen year in college: we were not permitted to visit home before Thanksgiving. 4. for 4 it happened to work OK for us. Good luck Op. But I'd make sure you don't spoil her at home - cook her meals, do her laundry. Cause who wouldn't want to be home?

I know of two parents with kids who were homesick. One child dropped out within days came home and then hung around for months without doing anything else. It all worked out in the end and the child is much happier and has a solid career path. The other cried and was depressed for days and months. The mom would not let the child come home whereas the father was heartsick. The child probably has adjusted but I did not ask the parents.

I actually don't know what I would do if this was my child. I have one very shy and introvert child who is going to a school nearby (1 hour away) and we were picking her up every weekend for the first month or so. Later, she adjusted and now comes home infrequently. She is very happy with her classes and group of friends. So that is a relief.

She sounds shy + she's going to a school with less than an ideal percentage of students living on campus. Harder to make friends.

Anonymous wrote:Are you at all worried that she's depressed? The dance club thing would worry me - can you go see her for lunch this weekend and see how she's doing?

Yes, that crossed my mind. I've never seen her down like this before. I'll probably visit her this weekend.

Are you at all worried that she's depressed? The dance club thing would worry me - can you go see her for lunch this weekend and see how she's doing?

It's almost worse that she can come home so often and easily. At least it was for me. I was an hour from home, had my own car and came home so often that I didn't make friends freshman year. My parents made me stick it out because of a scholarship and by second semester sophomore year I didn't ever want to come home. The absolute worst time was right now, second semester freshman year. Let spring come and encourage her to stay there and get involved. It'll get better.

I would go visit weekly or at least twice a month and/or have her come home one weekend per month.