Op is a guest.

Many of these suggestions (because we didn't know before) would only be appropriate in a different circumstance. What Op needs to do most, considering she is a guest - and these are ILs and family of ILs - is to adapt to whatever everyone else is doing and how they are doing it.

You have the least amount of power here, Op

Anonymous wrote:

ILs are paying for the house;

The IL's are paying. This changes the dynamic. You are not equals, you do not have equal say re: this vacation. You will need to be VERY careful not to be the chief planner or get bossy. You are THEIR guest.

OP here.

Um...

I was just looking for advice like "be sure to bring baby powder to get the sand off your feet" and "check to make sure whether linens and towels are provided."

But thanks, somebody's grumpy MIL!

My IL's are cool and we have a great relationship. All of DH's family clean up and cook and pay their fair shares, and I'm not worried about any of that nonsense at all.

We typically bring with us or buy the bulk of food the first day - do a mid week adjustment and then work very hard to eat left overs and get creative with the remaining food so we aren't wasting food at the end of the week. That first day in a house can be crazy as everyone settles in - so we try to make a simple meal - for beach houses that could be a bbq for a ski house big pot of chili made before we left and frozen re-heated with sides and greens. Those that want to eat out can but the majority of our group like to have day one about arriving, getting comfortable and relaxing not rushing around trying to cook in a unfamiliar kitchen or getting a large group to agree on a place to eat out. Or it could be the perfect pizza night. Also if you are traveling over Christmas, Fourth of July etc be aware of what stores/shops are open or closed and if you need or want special items it may be easier to bring with you than find them on vacation.

ILs are paying for the house;

The IL's are paying. This changes the dynamic. You are not equals, you do not have equal say re: this vacation. You will need to be VERY careful not to be the chief planner or get bossy. You are THEIR guest.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Always buy triple the amount of chips and cookies you think you need. We have 10 adults and 6 kids and holy sh*t those things go INSANELY fast.

Also, you can never have too much white wine or beer. Especially with 6 kids in one house.

Really? I swear, I end up bringing so much food home after a week, and this is with mostly adults. We even dedicate Friday to eating leftovers only, and nothing new is to be cooked, and food is still leftover (dried or refrigerated).

Other food will sit around. But chips and cookies? First things to get eaten .

Anonymous wrote:Always buy triple the amount of chips and cookies you think you need. We have 10 adults and 6 kids and holy sh*t those things go INSANELY fast.

Also, you can never have too much white wine or beer. Especially with 6 kids in one house.

Really? I swear, I end up bringing so much food home after a week, and this is with mostly adults. We even dedicate Friday to eating leftovers only, and nothing new is to be cooked, and food is still leftover (dried or refrigerated).

Always buy triple the amount of chips and cookies you think you need. We have 10 adults and 6 kids and holy sh*t those things go INSANELY fast.

Also, you can never have too much white wine or beer. Especially with 6 kids in one house.

We typically have a follow up email to the group (family all spread out come together once a year in a rented vacation house) to make sure everyone has received reimbursement for things they covered personally. " thanks for the great vacation...as you review your credit card receipt let us know if we missed paying our share...." it seems to help get out in front of any potential issues about who paid for what. We also manage food and cleaning differently for different groups. Our family likes to share food responsibilities but is terrible about sharing cleaning. We have friend groups that prefer to do all the food separately but share the cleaning responsibilities. Having some communication up front when you start the whole idea of renting a house together is a good idea - not to dictate who does what or schedule people but to get a sense of how people want to approach a vacation together. It feels like the best experiences we have had is when everyone is generous with their time, efforts to be together and able to communicate their needs. There has to be some level of give and take to make it work. For instance, I know that I will not enjoy sleeping on a pull out couch in an open space - so when the house issue is raised we always volunteer that our family would like a bedroom with a bathroom and a double bed or larger. We are also happy to pay extra for this and let the organizer know this, if our request is too hard to fulfill with the houses available then we look for something else nearby the group that does work for us.

Anonymous wrote:Lots of good tips here.

We always have a receipt jar/bowl in the kitchen, and people place their receipts (for shared expenses like food and drinks for the house) there throughout the week. They write their name on the receipt. At the end of the week, someone is responsible for taking the receipts home and adding them to other shared expenses (beach umbrella rentals etc.) and calculating who oews what (and to whom). We usually work it out so that each family pays an equal share, but we've also done more sophisticated calculations to account for families with more kids or more drinkers. etc.

This sounds petty and exhausting. I can see maybe if one family paid twice as much as everyone else, but Uncle Jim owes Aunt Karen $5 for ice cream...OK.

Lots of good tips here.

We always have a receipt jar/bowl in the kitchen, and people place their receipts (for shared expenses like food and drinks for the house) there throughout the week. They write their name on the receipt. At the end of the week, someone is responsible for taking the receipts home and adding them to other shared expenses (beach umbrella rentals etc.) and calculating who oews what (and to whom). We usually work it out so that each family pays an equal share, but we've also done more sophisticated calculations to account for families with more kids or more drinkers. etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get there early so you can pick a decent room.

Pack some baby powder for ease of getting sand off of you after leaving the beach.

Like pp said, figure out a chore list and dinner menus at the onset.

A large group will have different schedules. Don't wait around for everyone to get ready before heading out to the beach. You'll lose a lot of time and get resentful. Instead, suggest some group activities for when everyone is available, but also carve out your own time. If you're going to Rehoboth, parking near the beach is free before 10am and we're early morning people so this works great for us. We'd get a couple of hours in while everyone is just waking up and getting ready back in the house.

Bring play cards and other group games for the evenings or down time.

Ugh. I'd like to hear how others have managed this. . . .should it truly be on a first dibs basis?

I have done this almost a dozen times with big groups of friends and family. The couple with the person who actually made the reservations/handled collecting the money/put their names on everything got first dibs in every case.

Anonymous wrote:

with some other relatives

This is the biggest variable of all
Is everyone paying their own way? Completely?

OP here. ILs are paying for the house; ILs, SIL and her family and aunt-in-law and her son will be there as well, and we'll each contribute toward food and "extras."

PP 2 ago here, sorry for the weird spacing.

I agree that having a basic agreement is very useful. I wouldn't travel with people who require me to clean up after them either. We've had pretty good luck with everyone pitching in for cleaning. We actually have had more trouble in the past with shared food -- with a large group, someone will buy X and if shared, it is all gone before they get any and they get mad. So that is why we switched to BYO breakfast and lunch and stay out of each other's snacks for the most part (unless explicitly offered).

The best experiences are those when everyone contributes to the experience - by that I mean you participate in the cooking, cleaning or purchasing. Not everyone likes doing everything but everyone should be able to do SOMETHING. We have had the best experiences when we have a core group of people that volunteer for a meal - usually dinner. Breakfast and lunch are typically on your own time - but people will volunteer to bring/buy coffee, milk etc that is for everyone. There tends to be a group that is happy to clean up and then there are those that will happily pay for things. Then there is the final clean up an getting out of the house at the end. The worst experience is when the group is "on vacation" so they won't participate in anything and yet expect someone to clean, buy food, make a plan, etc. Unfortunately we have found its is our family members that are the worse group to travel with or share a house. They don't want to be regulated but they don't voluntary do anything. While I agree that it doesn't have to be scripted to every meal and every chore I do think that having a general "plan" or expectations of everyone's expectations helps. Typically our family unit will express what our needs are in terms of accommodations (ie one or two bedrooms and number of bathrooms), we volunteer to do x while at the house (bring breakfast materials, make one dinner for the group and purchase groceries for lunch materials, empty dishwasher etc) and then we let everyone know what the house "rules" are check- out is 10 am, we are required to x and xy to check out - we will collect all of the bottles, garbage, recycling and get rid of it before we leave. Unfortunately our family vacations have turned into very miserable experiences because no one helps, no one wants to share the burdens - cleaning, paying, etc. So after multiple attempts we have decided that if we all go to the same location we will not share a larger house with family - we will get one that fits our immediate family in an effort to reduce the issues.

have an OBX house I rent weekly. Definitely find out ahead about the linens. That includes towels, everything. Many places will have the option of linen service and most of our guests use it. If you DIY, everyone needs to know room assignments ahead of time so they bring the right sheets.

If you have a problem with the house, please call the realty. We want you to be happy and that is why we pay them.

decide ahead of time how you handle meals. We usually have people on their own for breakfast and lunch (make and do your own dishes!), then do a group dinner (rotate cooking or go out). I like a relaxed vacation and don't want 3 sit down meals at table with everyone per day. it ends up being too much cooking and cleaning. Cereal, sandwiches, leftovers, easy stuff for those meals.

bring your own beach chairs and basic cleaning supplies (including hand soap for bathrooms). I usually stock those well at the beginning of the year when I am there, but they often get taken/don't get replaced and since I am not there there is nothing I can do about it. And please, don't steal the hand towels and dishcloths! for some reason I buy a ton of these each year and they are all gone by the end of the season. This is a good time to use those travel soaps you've collected (for bathrooms especially).

bring Tide and fabric softener, you'll want to wash beach towels, etc. I wash the blankets for the bed too ASAP so I know they are clean. I then wash again the last day but that's not necessary.

Finally, do write about your experience in the little book. It helps me make improvements. Well, mostly. One time someone complained that a feral cat outside hissed at them -- nothing I can do about that.