I non- exclusive is just another way to say "How can I possibly guarantee that I will be one of those women who date too late, marry too late or not at all, conceive too late or not at all, start my life too late or not at all, and move into the future with a past that contained a married man and emotional baggage. Oops, and probably a slight drinking problem and an std by the time it's all over. Please prove me wrong OP. For yoir sake of course. Don't be another washed up has- been, used to look cute, but wasted my youth type. We've got more than our share of those around town.

OP, the way it works WHEN it works is that people who are not ready to commit to each other and/or who are interested in seeing other people continue to see each other with the understanding that either might be dating someone else or simply not interested in seeing each other regularly.

Your problem is that this isn't working for you.

Wake up and smell the coffee. Even 1 more date with your guy is WASTED time. Move on here/now/today and stop throwing your life away. What is that smell? ?! The smell of harsh reality.

When I first met DW I thought things were going great, hit it off the night we met, talked on the phone a couple times went out on a date and she proceeded to tell me she was seeing two other guys, all while telling me how handsome and wonderful I was. I am a few years older and never experienced this sort of non-exclusive relationship and certainly didn't understand how she could think I was so great but want to see other guys.

After a couple more weeks I told her Im not interested in this kind of relationship and if she wanted to date other guys I would not be one of them. Like others said you have to be prepared to end it. I didn't want to but was ready if it came down to it. She was actually relieved that I said this to her and called the other guys while sitting in my kitchen telling them it was over

Anonymous wrote:I couldn't live my (love) life in limbo like that.

Either you are fully invested or you are not.

And if you are not, then it's time for me to find someone who will be.

My feeling once you get through a handful of dates.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like it isn't working for you. I have a committed non-exclusive relationship that fits our individual needs. The details are irrelevant other than that we are both happy with it and agree that it works best for us. It doesn't sound like you are happy with what you have now. If it isn't serving you, don't serve it. Move on.

That's the same for me. How long has yours been going? Ours has been 1.5yrs and there are days when I want to end it out of fear that I'm becoming too attached and other days, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Together for 20 years, married for most of those. Non-exclusive for 5. It is only one way non-exclusive though. We are happier than we have ever been, and so much closer. It was a challenge getting here, with a lot of soul searching for both of us, but in the end, it works for us. At least for now. I don't recommend it to others, other than to say that I think it is very important to actually think critically about your specific needs and don't make your relationship try to fit a common mold if that isn't what works best for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like it isn't working for you. I have a committed non-exclusive relationship that fits our individual needs. The details are irrelevant other than that we are both happy with it and agree that it works best for us. It doesn't sound like you are happy with what you have now. If it isn't serving you, don't serve it. Move on.

That's the same for me. How long has yours been going? Ours has been 1.5yrs and there are days when I want to end it out of fear that I'm becoming too attached and other days, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

+1 I had one for several years when I was in grad school and just needed something low key. I looked forward to spending an evening drinking a few beers, having sex, then sending him home. It ended when I started seeing someone I realized I actually wanted to be with.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like it isn't working for you. I have a committed non-exclusive relationship that fits our individual needs. The details are irrelevant other than that we are both happy with it and agree that it works best for us. It doesn't sound like you are happy with what you have now. If it isn't serving you, don't serve it. Move on.

That's the same for me. How long has yours been going? Ours has been 1.5yrs and there are days when I want to end it out of fear that I'm becoming too attached and other days, I wouldn't trade it for anything.