I think you need to be upfront with your son re financing his education. Give him total ballpark number and have a discussion about realistic choices.

He's a hs kid. Is he even accepted to this $70,000 school that you speak of?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like your ex being a total dick. You need to lay this our to your son 100%. Explain all the finances and explain what his dad is doing and what retirement savings and planning is all about. Your son will see right through his dad. Worst case scenario, you continue paying your 45% of the college bill junior and senior year and your son has to take out an additional 70k in loans. He should know all of this NOW so that he can make an educated decision about which college to attend knowing that Dickhead Dad is playing money games with mom. Maybe there is a cheaper state school he could attend, thus lowering his potential loan amount if Dickhead Dad won't pay junior and senior year.

How is the ex being a dick? He is required to pay child support till age 21. Nothing more is obligated. Mom and child are choosing a $70,000 a year school that neither child can afford. Mom is not saying if Dad can afford it given they have about equal incomes from her cost share amount. Maybe he remarried and has more kids. Maybe he lost everything in the divorce and between child support and his living expenses he has nothing left each month. Child needs to go to a $30,000 a year school and then mom has enough to pay for it for 4 years. Then, he can go to a state graduate school and split it three ways with child and each parent. He should not be required to pay child support and college at the same time. One or the other.

The dad is still a dick if he believes his obligations end at 21. Legally, sure, they do, but this dad does not seem to have ANY problem with a 70k/yr school, he is just trying to make mom sacrifice her retirement to pay for grad school too. Why should kid go to a 30k year school and ONLY the mom pay for the 4 years? The dad's income is going to be counted against the kid in FA, but only the mom is supposed to pony up by your logic? You must be a dickhead dad with a second family to support so you advocate leaving your first family out to dry.

This sounds like self-inflicted drama.

If you are paying more than $10-20,000 per year for college (and that's being generous) you are paying a premium to go to a "name" school. That's fine if you're rich. But don't act like it's not a choice.

It's still quite common for people to go to state schools, including starting at community colleges and transferring to state schools for $20-30k total. You would have no idea by reading DCUM, but it's the norm in most of the country.

But most people in this area (and in the northeast, in general) sneer at community colleges and tend to turn their noses down at state schools, unless it's UVA, W&M, UC Berkeley or UMich.

Consider yourself lucky that child support goes until age 21.

Even when you think you have this figured-out, Op, all that matters is the written word in a legal document.

It is a very long road from high school to med school. I wouldn't make too many decisions now based on hypothetical med school. When I started at a well regarded undergrad I was going to get a PhD in philosophy. It became clear to me that I should make a different choice. Of course your son may be different. Just to be a jerk I will also point out that 50% of physicians wish they had chosen a different profession: https://www.google.com/amp/www.forbes.com/sites/susanadams/2012/04/27/why-do-so-many-doctors-regret-their-job-choice/?client=safari

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I think your ex-husband is just being mean to you. Glad he is your ex.

Focus on college only at this point. Send your 1/2 of the money to the school directly. If your ex does not send his, well oh-well.

I know you want to spare your child from any drama but you deserve to spare yourself for this drama as well.

Good luck!

Many many kids do not have the luxury of paid college and even fewer have paid grad school. So I don't think you're cutting your son short. Also, I think the cost of a graduate education helps recent grads do a more realistic cost-benefit analysis of getting the degree.

For example, I know several people w 80-90k in loans for public policy degrees who come out of school making 50k.

FWIW, I've heard lots of HS kids dream about going to med school (to become a doctor) but the reality is few of them actually make it. They are successful in other ways, they just don't become physicians.

Unless there is some overwhelming and compelling reason why he must attend this 70k/yr school, I would save for your retirement and pick a more affordable school for undergrad. Once he's got at least two years of undergrad under his belt he can think about what he wants to do next - which may or may not include med school.

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like your ex being a total dick. You need to lay this our to your son 100%. Explain all the finances and explain what his dad is doing and what retirement savings and planning is all about. Your son will see right through his dad. Worst case scenario, you continue paying your 45% of the college bill junior and senior year and your son has to take out an additional 70k in loans. He should know all of this NOW so that he can make an educated decision about which college to attend knowing that Dickhead Dad is playing money games with mom. Maybe there is a cheaper state school he could attend, thus lowering his potential loan amount if Dickhead Dad won't pay junior and senior year.

How is the ex being a dick? He is required to pay child support till age 21. Nothing more is obligated. Mom and child are choosing a $70,000 a year school that neither child can afford. Mom is not saying if Dad can afford it given they have about equal incomes from her cost share amount. Maybe he remarried and has more kids. Maybe he lost everything in the divorce and between child support and his living expenses he has nothing left each month. Child needs to go to a $30,000 a year school and then mom has enough to pay for it for 4 years. Then, he can go to a state graduate school and split it three ways with child and each parent. He should not be required to pay child support and college at the same time. One or the other.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is he going to a $70,000 per year private school for undergrad if $ is an issue?

This.

+2. Stop trying to make your XDH the bad guy.

This sounds like your ex being a total dick. You need to lay this our to your son 100%. Explain all the finances and explain what his dad is doing and what retirement savings and planning is all about. Your son will see right through his dad. Worst case scenario, you continue paying your 45% of the college bill junior and senior year and your son has to take out an additional 70k in loans. He should know all of this NOW so that he can make an educated decision about which college to attend knowing that Dickhead Dad is playing money games with mom. Maybe there is a cheaper state school he could attend, thus lowering his potential loan amount if Dickhead Dad won't pay junior and senior year.

I'm puzzled that you'd consider sacrificing your retirement security to pay for med school? First, you're not even certain that your son will get in, and second, I'm not sure most parents pay for all of med school. Heck, my ILs--who are 1%ers--paid for my husband to attend Stanford for undergrad, and then he was on his own for med school. I also paid my way through my PhD program (mostly covered through a tuition waiver). Neither of us expected or parents to chip in for grad/med school..