Please, by appointment is not the same thing as boundaries. I would never stop by anyone's house unnannounced. It's just rude.

Anonymous wrote:Wife sounds like a brat, though I doubt you'll get much sympathy here.

Agreed.

This would be no problem for me, but it sounds like I'm from a similar cultural background as you.

So you know what I did? I married a man with similar views on family.

The by appointment only boyfriends didn't last long.

You've known your family all your lie. You knew how your wife was long before you married her.

You chose to marry her and have a child with her.

Learn to enjoy your by appointment only family life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it a question of lifestyle/personality differences, or does either party (DW or Family) act disrespectfully to the other?

Its a pretty big personality difference. DW used to just keep them at arms length. Now she's getting rude.

Everything you've shared can be open to multiple interpretations. Can you share some specific examples:

What does a "big personality" look and sound like?
What does rude behavior by your wife look and sound like?
What is an example where you've felt uncomfortable by an interaction between your spouse and family?

An example: Today my mother was driving by while DW was taking out some trash. My mother stopped and said hello and asked to see my son. My DW told her that it wasn't a good time as DS was sleeping. My mother could see DS in the window wide awake.

Maybe before taking out the trash, dw had just walked by ds's bedroom and he was asleep. Then he got up. When your mom saw him, your wife had no idea that ds was out of bed.


You're going to have to come up with some better examples than this.

I'm Italian. Wife is not. My family can be very opinionated and overbearing. My wife knew this was what she was marrying into.

Why don't you give all of the facts in the first post. You knew what you were marrying too. Support your wife

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it a question of lifestyle/personality differences, or does either party (DW or Family) act disrespectfully to the other?

Its a pretty big personality difference. DW used to just keep them at arms length. Now she's getting rude.

Everything you've shared can be open to multiple interpretations. Can you share some specific examples:

What does a "big personality" look and sound like?
What does rude behavior by your wife look and sound like?
What is an example where you've felt uncomfortable by an interaction between your spouse and family?

An example: Today my mother was driving by while DW was taking out some trash. My mother stopped and said hello and asked to see my son. My DW told her that it wasn't a good time as DS was sleeping. My mother could see DS in the window wide awake.

I think your wife was being too prickly in this situation. Unless your mother makes a habit of randomly stopping by, or is known for criticizing her housekeeping, dw could have accommodated her.

My mother always brings food. I think my DW takes it as an insult but it's our culture.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it a question of lifestyle/personality differences, or does either party (DW or Family) act disrespectfully to the other?

Its a pretty big personality difference. DW used to just keep them at arms length. Now she's getting rude.

Everything you've shared can be open to multiple interpretations. Can you share some specific examples:

What does a "big personality" look and sound like?
What does rude behavior by your wife look and sound like?
What is an example where you've felt uncomfortable by an interaction between your spouse and family?

An example: Today my mother was driving by while DW was taking out some trash. My mother stopped and said hello and asked to see my son. My DW told her that it wasn't a good time as DS was sleeping. My mother could see DS in the window wide awake.

I think your wife was being too prickly in this situation. Unless your mother makes a habit of randomly stopping by, or is known for criticizing her housekeeping, dw could have accommodated her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it a question of lifestyle/personality differences, or does either party (DW or Family) act disrespectfully to the other?

Its a pretty big personality difference. DW used to just keep them at arms length. Now she's getting rude.

Everything you've shared can be open to multiple interpretations. Can you share some specific examples:

What does a "big personality" look and sound like?
What does rude behavior by your wife look and sound like?
What is an example where you've felt uncomfortable by an interaction between your spouse and family?

An example: Today my mother was driving by while DW was taking out some trash. My mother stopped and said hello and asked to see my son. My DW told her that it wasn't a good time as DS was sleeping. My mother could see DS in the window wide awake.

Come on OP. Be real. Your mom wasn't just randomly driving by. She was showing up unannounced. Your wife set a boundary.
If you're going to come here, at least be a grown-up and tell the whole story, not the lame fib your mommy shared when she was "tattling" on your wife. THAT'S the issue--your family, not your wife being rude.

I was going to ask if you were Italian! I'm from NY, that every Sunday thing is pretty standard for my Italian friends. I'm sorry, op. I think you've probably got a pretty big culture clash there.

Your wife needs to be your number one, and you also need to understand you married someone from a different background, so her expectations matter too. I'd work on figuring out reasonable compromises, like maybe you guys do every other Sunday with your family, or you tell your mom that she needs to call before coming over. I get where you're coming from, and I think you'll be raked over the coals here on DCUM. Try to find a middle ground, but remember you chose your wife as much as she chose you. She's your priority, not your mom. Good luck to you.

Why was your mom driving by? Is your place on her way home or from somewhere she goes often? If not, that's just weird and creepy. Plus kid might have been asleep when your wife stepped out. Sounds like you need better boundaries.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it a question of lifestyle/personality differences, or does either party (DW or Family) act disrespectfully to the other?

Its a pretty big personality difference. DW used to just keep them at arms length. Now she's getting rude.

Everything you've shared can be open to multiple interpretations. Can you share some specific examples:

What does a "big personality" look and sound like?
What does rude behavior by your wife look and sound like?
What is an example where you've felt uncomfortable by an interaction between your spouse and family?

An example: Today my mother was driving by while DW was taking out some trash. My mother stopped and said hello and asked to see my son. My DW told her that it wasn't a good time as DS was sleeping. My mother could see DS in the window wide awake.

Unless it was an emergency, your mother should not have come by the house unannounced. She should've called ahead and set up a time that works for everyone. Maybe your dw was concerned about setting a precedent for these surprise visits.

I hear you there. My family doesn't announce they're coming and just expects you to show up with no actual invitation. My wife hates it and it is something I need to compromise on. My parents do not see DS unless I'm there. DW always makes some reason she's unavailable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it a question of lifestyle/personality differences, or does either party (DW or Family) act disrespectfully to the other?

Its a pretty big personality difference. DW used to just keep them at arms length. Now she's getting rude.

Everything you've shared can be open to multiple interpretations. Can you share some specific examples:

What does a "big personality" look and sound like?
What does rude behavior by your wife look and sound like?
What is an example where you've felt uncomfortable by an interaction between your spouse and family?

An example: Today my mother was driving by while DW was taking out some trash. My mother stopped and said hello and asked to see my son. My DW told her that it wasn't a good time as DS was sleeping. My mother could see DS in the window wide awake.

Unless it was an emergency, your mother should not have come by the house unannounced. She should've called ahead and set up a time that works for everyone. Maybe your dw was concerned about setting a precedent for these surprise visits.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it a question of lifestyle/personality differences, or does either party (DW or Family) act disrespectfully to the other?

Its a pretty big personality difference. DW used to just keep them at arms length. Now she's getting rude.

Everything you've shared can be open to multiple interpretations. Can you share some specific examples:

What does a "big personality" look and sound like?
What does rude behavior by your wife look and sound like?
What is an example where you've felt uncomfortable by an interaction between your spouse and family?

An example: Today my mother was driving by while DW was taking out some trash. My mother stopped and said hello and asked to see my son. My DW told her that it wasn't a good time as DS was sleeping. My mother could see DS in the window wide awake.

Maybe before taking out the trash, dw had just walked by ds's bedroom and he was asleep. Then he got up. When your mom saw him, your wife had no idea that ds was out of bed.


You're going to have to come up with some better examples than this.

I'm Italian. Wife is not. My family can be very opinionated and overbearing. My wife knew this was what she was marrying into.

You need to support your wife, not your mother. Period. I don't care if you're Martian.

Anonymous wrote:Wife sounds like a brat, though I doubt you'll get much sympathy here.

Based on what?

I think you need to recognize that just because something has been the tradition for your family does not mean that it's the tradition for your wife. If this is a tradition that is valuable to you, then maybe that is a good time to take your son to your parents' house and let your wife have some alone time.

Marriage is about give and take. About setting family boundaries. If she doesn't want to let your mom in to see your son, she shouldn't have to. Your mom can call or otherwise get in touch to make a plan, not a drive by.

You and your wife are a family now, with a child. Extended family is important, but not as important as your wife feeling like you will prioritize the family you created with her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it a question of lifestyle/personality differences, or does either party (DW or Family) act disrespectfully to the other?

Its a pretty big personality difference. DW used to just keep them at arms length. Now she's getting rude.

Everything you've shared can be open to multiple interpretations. Can you share some specific examples:

What does a "big personality" look and sound like?
What does rude behavior by your wife look and sound like?
What is an example where you've felt uncomfortable by an interaction between your spouse and family?

An example: Today my mother was driving by while DW was taking out some trash. My mother stopped and said hello and asked to see my son. My DW told her that it wasn't a good time as DS was sleeping. My mother could see DS in the window wide awake.

Maybe before taking out the trash, dw had just walked by ds's bedroom and he was asleep. Then he got up. When your mom saw him, your wife had no idea that ds was out of bed.


You're going to have to come up with some better examples than this.

I'm Italian. Wife is not. My family can be very opinionated and overbearing. My wife knew this was what she was marrying into.