Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My burning question is why your GF chose to share this with you. The only reason I can think of is that she has reservations about you/your relationship but is unable/unwilling to voice her own concerns. Therefore, she is voicing the alleged concerns her friends have and using them as a proxy for her opinions. Whether their opinions are her opinions, I find it problematic for her to share the negative opinions and not facts with you.

+1
Bingo

Yep she is very manipulative and passive aggressive. This is a major red flag. You need to bail on this one. What ever you do, do not marry her. This will only get worst with kids. Your post shows you have doubts. Listen to your inner voice. This could be the difference between being in a good healthy marriage or a relationship forum train wreck posting in a few years.

OP if you've been going out with her for 3 years and in mid-20s she's been long since ready for you to make the next move which is at least getting engaged. You didn't do that so she's very unhappy with you. She's now looking for a rationale to dump you other than that "He wouldn't ask me to marry him!" because that would hurt her ego too much. So she's looking for excuses to dump you in your behavior, in reinforcing that you're not marriage material from her friends' criticisms (which is why she even told you about it).

Do you want a future with her or not? If so, you need to have a very serious talk about what "the future" means. I guarantee it isn't another year or two or three of a relationship that's all about partying and doing shots.

What all her friends and she is implying is, "Would a man who is serious about settling down, getting married, and having children be acting like the life of the party clown?" No he would not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My burning question is why your GF chose to share this with you. The only reason I can think of is that she has reservations about you/your relationship but is unable/unwilling to voice her own concerns. Therefore, she is voicing the alleged concerns her friends have and using them as a proxy for her opinions. Whether their opinions are her opinions, I find it problematic for her to share the negative opinions and not facts with you.

+1
Bingo

Yes, this poster has it absolutely right. And are you sure she didn't defend you? Just because she is bringing it up to you now / agrees with them does not mean she didn't defend you to her friends in the moment.

I'm only a few years older than you but married with two kids. I think the problem here is that you and your girlfriend are not a team, not a "united front." Plus she doesn't seem good at articulating herself.

It is SO important to be able to be a united front. To the extended families, to random strangers, to community, to doctors, to your kids. And I'm just not sure you have that with this person.

Anonymous wrote:OP: You're all a bunch of 20-something shitheads who don't really know anything about anything yet. You're just play-acting at relationships. None of this shit is serious; you're just copying sit com behavior you saw on "Friends" or "How I Met Your Mother" or "The Big Bang Theory."

What you need to do is decide whether the gf you are with and have been with for three years is someone who you want to move forward with. It kind of sounds like you're not in her permanent long-range plans. You're just both spinning your wheels.

Three years is long enough for you to know whether or not you have a future with her.

It doesn't sound like it.

You have my permission to dump her.

The second half of your post is pretty helpful, but the first half is just unnecessary. They are not play acting at 25. They are learning about, and navigating, adult, long term relationships. Why be so hateful?

I have been married 25 years, but I can still remember being young and having "problems," even if they are not the same kinds of problems I have now. Empathy can go a long way.

Anonymous wrote:The appropriate reaction to to this would be to sign up for Reputation Defender or a PR firm and target the 2 people with tailored Larlo is the best dude on earth ads

THIS!

Anonymous wrote:As your girlfriend, the right thing to do here would be to loyally defend you when another person speaks ill will about you.

If she stays mum or agrees, then her loyalty to you is nil.
And who wants to be in a relationship w/someone who doesn't have your back....??!

And to add fuel to the fire, she should not be blaming you for the negative opinions of others nor should she be buddies w/these folks.

It is clearly obvious to me that she is easily swayed by her peers.

She seems immature to me.
I would break-up w/her immediately.

LOL.

A childhood friend from her hometown and the partner of her friend. Two people in three years didn't like him - and they're hardly her sister, mom, or best friend in terms of relevance. You are some pitiful humans if you can't handle that. Perhaps the only reason she told him about these two times is because she agrees he's responsible for making a bad impression. I'm going to venture a guest she knows other people who don't adore him but it probably only becomes a topic of conversation when bf acts like an ass.

Anonymous wrote:My burning question is why your GF chose to share this with you. The only reason I can think of is that she has reservations about you/your relationship but is unable/unwilling to voice her own concerns. Therefore, she is voicing the alleged concerns her friends have and using them as a proxy for her opinions. Whether their opinions are her opinions, I find it problematic for her to share the negative opinions and not facts with you.

+1
Bingo

As your girlfriend, the right thing to do here would be to loyally defend you when another person speaks ill will about you.

If she stays mum or agrees, then her loyalty to you is nil.
And who wants to be in a relationship w/someone who doesn't have your back....??!

And to add fuel to the fire, she should not be blaming you for the negative opinions of others nor should she be buddies w/these folks.

It is clearly obvious to me that she is easily swayed by her peers.

She seems immature to me.
I would break-up w/her immediately.

Immature and insecure. Run, GF, run!

First, as a host, passing out shots is a really dumb thing to do. If an accident occurs later, you could be held liable. If I was meeting you for the first time I would have questioned your intelligence. If your GF didn't defend you for that behavior she has a good reason.
Second, are you so insecure that everyone has to love you? So what if two of her friends don't think your a gift to womankind! Show some maturity and you might gain some traction.

My burning question is why your GF chose to share this with you. The only reason I can think of is that she has reservations about you/your relationship but is unable/unwilling to voice her own concerns. Therefore, she is voicing the alleged concerns her friends have and using them as a proxy for her opinions. Whether their opinions are her opinions, I find it problematic for her to share the negative opinions and not facts with you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do sound very controlling. And your need to have everyone like you is actually the red flag.

Chill, man. You sound very rigid.

+1

+2

You expect your SPOUSE to defend you to FAMILY when they say terrible things about you.

To ask your girlfriend to defend your goodness is ridiculous, childish, selfish, and unreasonable. If you left a bad impression, you left a bad impression. She doesn't care enough about what they think to dump you so why do you?

OP: You're all a bunch of 20-something shitheads who don't really know anything about anything yet. You're just play-acting at relationships. None of this shit is serious; you're just copying sit com behavior you saw on "Friends" or "How I Met Your Mother" or "The Big Bang Theory."

What you need to do is decide whether the gf you are with and have been with for three years is someone who you want to move forward with. It kind of sounds like you're not in her permanent long-range plans. You're just both spinning your wheels.

Three years is long enough for you to know whether or not you have a future with her.

It doesn't sound like it.

You have my permission to dump her.