OP, we are at about the same HHI. I have one child in private school, one in public in MoCo. In our situation, the shock is bigger for me, the parent, than for the student (depending on the age, I'm sure). We have been asked to donate iPods or iPads to members of needy families (well, each parent is supposed to buy one item) when I feel it would be an extravagant purchase for our family. I give a nominal amount to the annual fund because a thousand or more, on top of tuition, is not in our budget. Never have I felt treated differently by the parents. Some parents realized that I do not spend extravagantly and offered to reimburse me for things that I didn't want nor need to be reimbursed for. So, they were respectful. We don't have any financial need and can take average vacations but we do not stay in the nicest hotels either.

I do find myself telling my child to get a grip at times. My DD told me we have a small house (probably worth 1m now). She wishes we had nice stuff like xy or z. I did nicely read her the riot act about how lucky we are, how we should be happy for others who have more but not jealous of them. She seems to have gotten the message. One child came for a play date and innocently said she liked our house more than hers because it is so "cozy." I had to laugh to myself. She lives in a beautiful, large, new home.

HHI $400k is probably average.

If the kids are happy in public, have the grandparents put the money away for college or for a downpayment on a house for each kid. If they need to be in private/unhappy, then consider it. I'd rather have college and graduate school fully paid for before I'd consider private in less your child has SN.

Anonymous wrote:I have seen vacations mentioned several times on this thread. I'm genuinely curious: What constitutes an "average vacation?" How would you describe a fancy/luxurious vacation?

At my kids' school, they have winter and spring breaks that are at least 2 weeks long to allow families to travel to Europe and other faraway places. A few families have yachts so they "need" the extra sailing time. Others have vacation homes or rentals in places like Jackson Hole, WY so they can spend the break skiing. I could go on and on but going to Florida or Disney World is pedestrian for these families.

Anonymous wrote:Give OP some credit. Can you really claim that most families at independent schools don't make way more than $250,000? OK, there is 40% that receives financial aid. But do you really think that the other 60% make $250,000? In my experience, most families at my DS's school make WAY more than that, judging by their vacation destinations.

credit for what exactly? Of course some families are filthy rich. What is your point, if you have one.

OP, my husband and I make a bit more than your household combined. We have two kids in private middle school where tuition and fees for 2016 is $41K for MS and $43K for HS. We are African American and get some FA. There are families with enormous wealth and other families like us. My kids are not impressed by the wealth. They are popular, good students and star athletes. My son plays in an elite travel lacrosse club. I would think most of the boys come from upper middle class families because lacrosse is an expensive sport. My son is one of two AA players in the club for his age group. He has plenty of friends, is comfortable in his own skin. My daughter is the same. It's about your insecurities, OP, and not the kids. You have to feel good about yourself. My kids have their school friends over and invite them to parties. Our house is nice but not a mansion or estate. I really don't care as long as my kids are doing well.

I have seen vacations mentioned several times on this thread. I'm genuinely curious: What constitutes an "average vacation?" How would you describe a fancy/luxurious vacation?

I think that, regardless of the school (public or private), kids starting in about middle school might start to be a little more sensitive about whether their own home measures up to the homes of other kids. I remember, as a kid, wishing we had a bigger home like some of my friends. But my friends never seemed to mind spending time at my house.

One thing I think that is different now is that more kids (or perhaps just girls) watch HGTV, which puts so much emphasis on the potential for a beautiful home. It makes all of us feel like our homes are inferior, in comparison. I found I needed to stop watching the channel because, while it was relaxing (compared to a drama or crime show), it kind of made me feel like our house was never good enough.

*my hope

*these words

Anonymous wrote:Ok I'll try not be snarky. We have similar HHI and realize we will be the lower end of some of his peers. Our home and cars are not large or extravagant, our vacations are average. However, I don't care what his friends think or their parents. We don't have to look at prices when we order at a restaurant and don't feel stress with money. If my DS feels inadequate or ends up not being invited to things because his peers thinks we're not good enough, they can kiss my ass and he should be ashamed to feel that way and I'm going to show him pictures of starving and mangled children and tell him to get over himself.

I may eat this words later. But hope is that, in the end, our child middle class child will end up not overly impressed with money and what it buys. "I met a rich man once, and he turned out to be just a nice person like everyone else. He had a wonderful summer in Europe, which I hope to visit someday. And he was a great study buddy for Latin class."

One thing that binds my family of teachers to our wealthier counterparts is a conviction that education is a priority. Even if our addresses and finances do not match.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok I'll try not be snarky. We have similar HHI and realize we will be the lower end of some of his peers. Our home and cars are not large or extravagant, our vacations are average. However, I don't care what his friends think or their parents. We don't have to look at prices when we order at a restaurant and don't feel stress with money. If my DS feels inadequate or ends up not being invited to things because his peers thinks we're not good enough, they can kiss my ass and he should be ashamed to feel that way and I'm going to show him pictures of starving and mangled children and tell him to get over himself.

Are you saving for college and retirement? To me that's what's important for our income group as we pay these high tuitions.

OP here. Yes, we're saving for college and retirement. That's why we don't have much to spend on vacations and cars, and a nicer or bigger house. Trust me when I say I'd very much like to have these things.

If you count the fact that OP's parents are footing the bill, their HHI would actually be closer to $320K ($35K per kid). This suggests to me, also, that grandparents also are capable, and probably have already, funded nice vacations, helped with OPs down payment, etc. I'm also guessing that OP probably doesn't have school loans, etc., to pay with her $250K income.

Cry me the $%*! Amazon river. Dear god. OP's post, perspective, and insecurities are absurd.

Anonymous wrote:Ok I'll try not be snarky. We have similar HHI and realize we will be the lower end of some of his peers. Our home and cars are not large or extravagant, our vacations are average. However, I don't care what his friends think or their parents. We don't have to look at prices when we order at a restaurant and don't feel stress with money. If my DS feels inadequate or ends up not being invited to things because his peers thinks we're not good enough, they can kiss my ass and he should be ashamed to feel that way and I'm going to show him pictures of starving and mangled children and tell him to get over himself.

Are you saving for college and retirement? To me that's what's important for our income group as we pay these high tuitions.

There are more families than you might predict with similar HHI. But that overlooks their other resources. Inheiritances, relatives paying the tuition, etc.