Anonymous wrote:With my first we didn't ask to see her grades. As long as she was on track to graduate on time we were fine with it. There was plenty of back and forth about majors, class choices, etc. Lots of learning issues so we were just grateful that she graduated. Our second shares all her grades as soon as they are available but that's her choice. Mostly As so it's a pretty easy decision.

I don't understand the philosophy or reality of not paying for Cs. DCs both attend colleges that cost $65k. That works out to $8,000 per class. I suppose they could work to pay for a class but that seems like it would potentially result in more Cs. At $10/hour they'd have to work 800 hours. In any event I am more focused on the kids doing their best and learning something, even if their best happens to result in a C. I've also seen the downside - a friend followed this approach and the kid dropped out of college after one year, had drug addiction issues and now works as a bartender. So not sure the strategy paid off in the long run.

Your friend's child dropped out of college, has drug issues, and works as a bartender because his parents made him pay for classes where he got less than a B? That's probably a stretch.

With my first we didn't ask to see her grades. As long as she was on track to graduate on time we were fine with it. There was plenty of back and forth about majors, class choices, etc. Lots of learning issues so we were just grateful that she graduated. Our second shares all her grades as soon as they are available but that's her choice. Mostly As so it's a pretty easy decision.

I don't understand the philosophy or reality of not paying for Cs. DCs both attend colleges that cost $65k. That works out to $8,000 per class. I suppose they could work to pay for a class but that seems like it would potentially result in more Cs. At $10/hour they'd have to work 800 hours. In any event I am more focused on the kids doing their best and learning something, even if their best happens to result in a C. I've also seen the downside - a friend followed this approach and the kid dropped out of college after one year, had drug addiction issues and now works as a bartender. So not sure the strategy paid off in the long run.

We have been very clear that every penny we spend on college is money we are not putting away for our own retirement. Kid isn't in college yet (next year), but we will definitely be demanding consistent and steady progress if the checks are going to keep flowing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say what? My parents looked at my grades.

They made a deal with me...I paid for any grade that was below a B. They really made me pay for that damn differential equations class. Ugh.

Sorry, your parents were total jerks.

Not at all. I agree with her parent's approach. We have too many kids on the 5 year plan because they haven't learned responsible actions. Any parent who is footing the bill has every right to see the results of what they are paying for and to expect their son or daughter to act accordingly. I see nothing wrong with expecting the student to pay if they didn't do the work. Life doesn't give free rides and parents shouldn't either.

Actually, under FERPA, you have no "right" to see your college student's grades. Of course, you can work his out within your own however you choose.

The college has zero obligation to share your child's grades with you. And it doesn't matter in the least who is paying.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I am paying, I get to see the grades.

+1 If they want the freedom not to show grades they they are free to pay for themselves.

Same here. I see the grades and Dd gave the password.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I am paying, I get to see the grades.

What are you going to do with the information? Are you going to punish a B? a C? What if she changes her major? Signs up for a class whose content you don't approve? At what point do you let your adult child manage her own path?

When the "adult" child his paying his or her way.

Anonymous wrote:If I am paying, I get to see the grades.

+1 If they want the freedom not to show grades they they are free to pay for themselves. Until they are paying their own way they are not an adult.

I have the opposite problem. My DC wants to tell me every grade he gets. I am happy for him. He is doing much better than in HS.

The problem is that you can't stick to this.

At the end of 4 years, if your DC needs two more classes, it will take them 3 or 4 years to earn that tuition if they are not living at home.

If they are living at home, you didn't turn off the tap.

I guess you might be able to let them struggle for 4 years if they can stay on your insurance but it looks like that may not be possible next year.

Having them go without insurance sounds tempting but if they get hurt and don't have it, you will pay and again, haven't really turned off the tap.

You have to have an ongoing conversation with your kids about how they are doing and what they want. You have to let them know that if they don't finish on time, the money has to come from somewhere.

On another thread, a poster suggested letting kids chose between expensive school X and cheaper school Y plus help with a downpayment on a house.

During such a conversation, would be a good time to bring up that cheaper Y would also leave enough money for an extra semester if needed.

"Tell your kid that you're turning off the tap at the end of the fourth year. After that, s/he is responsible for his/her own tuition. Are you really sitting there with the course catalog ticking off courses to make sure your kid is on track? That's not your job."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I am paying, I get to see the grades.

What are you going to do with the information? Are you going to punish a B? a C? What if she changes her major? Signs up for a class whose content you don't approve? At what point do you let your adult child manage her own path?

NP. I'd definitely like to know if there's an expectation that he/she won't finish in 4 years. That's real money.

Tell your kid that you're turning off the tap at the end of the fourth year. After that, s/he is responsible for his/her own tuition. Are you really sitting there with the course catalog ticking off courses to make sure your kid is on track? That's not your job.

How did we get from, I'd like to know if there's an expectation that he/she won't finish in 4 years ...to sitting with the course catalog ticking off courses?

My parents requested that I go see a college counselor my junior year to make sure I was on track. I respected their wishes and made an appointment. Walked in, sat down, and the counselor said, "why are you here? You're fine." Then I got up and left. Told my parents that it was all good. They were satisfied with that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I am paying, I get to see the grades.

What are you going to do with the information? Are you going to punish a B? a C? What if she changes her major? Signs up for a class whose content you don't approve? At what point do you let your adult child manage her own path?

NP. I'd definitely like to know if there's an expectation that he/she won't finish in 4 years. That's real money.

Tell your kid that you're turning off the tap at the end of the fourth year. After that, s/he is responsible for his/her own tuition. Are you really sitting there with the course catalog ticking off courses to make sure your kid is on track? That's not your job.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I am paying, I get to see the grades.

What are you going to do with the information? Are you going to punish a B? a C? What if she changes her major? Signs up for a class whose content you don't approve? At what point do you let your adult child manage her own path?

NP. I'd definitely like to know if there's an expectation that he/she won't finish in 4 years. That's real money.

Anonymous wrote:If I am paying, I get to see the grades.

What are you going to do with the information? Are you going to punish a B? a C? What if she changes her major? Signs up for a class whose content you don't approve? At what point do you let your adult child manage her own path?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents did not ask to see my college grades, even though they were paying. They were only interested in knowing if I was flunking out.

How do you know she has a 3.5? Is that what she's telling you? You are no longer in charge of every grade she gets. So what if she gets a B or a C in some class. That's on her. However, if you are paying, she should tell you if she's failing so you don't wind up wasting money on classes she won't get credit for.

I know her password......

Why? Does she know you have this password? What are you going to do if she changes it?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say what? My parents looked at my grades.

They made a deal with me...I paid for any grade that was below a B. They really made me pay for that damn differential equations class. Ugh.

Sorry, your parents were total jerks.

Not at all. I agree with her parent's approach. We have too many kids on the 5 year plan because they haven't learned responsible actions. Any parent who is footing the bill has every right to see the results of what they are paying for and to expect their son or daughter to act accordingly. I see nothing wrong with expecting the student to pay if they didn't do the work.[i][u] Life doesn't give free rides and parents shouldn't either.

But the deal wasn't "we won't pay if you don't do the work" - the deal was they wouldn't pay if you got lower than a B.
Perhaps in easy majors or at schools with huge grade inflation it's fair to say that a C means you didn't do the work, but there are students in challenging classes all around the country working their butts off for a C.
As a PP said, that rule just seems like a way to ensure that the kid never takes a challenging class and never expands her horizons beyond what she already knows she's good at.

Agree. And these kinds of deals and expectations are the reasons I have students harassing me at the end of the semester for a higher grade. It is unseemly, embarassing, annoying, and unnecessary. For the most part, they did fine work or the best work they could in the class.

All they end up caring about is the stupid grade, not the content.

PP here who had parents who made the arrangement for me to pay for classes with less than a B earned. I guess they just knew their kid, and understood the kinds of incentives that worked on me. I wouldn't assume it's a one size fits all solution. I ended up with a PhD, and I'll bet it wasn't all embarrassing grade grubbing that got me there.