Anonymous
Post 12/20/2016 10:13     Subject: Explaining to my three year old that I'm a love child
"My mom and dad had a baby together, but they didn't want to be married like mommy and daddy. Grandma Smith is my mom, and she took care of me when I was growing up. Families are all a little different - some have one mom, some have a mom & dad, some have two moms or two dads."
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2016 10:10     Subject: Explaining to my three year old that I'm a love child
Anonymous wrote:Have your mom explain it to him. She helped make the mess and she should be partially responsible for cleaning it up...


Nobody needs to explain this kind of thing to a three year old.

Stick with the vaguest information possible like others have said, then change the subject to Santa, elves and reindeer.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2016 10:04     Subject: Explaining to my three year old that I'm a love child
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here,

Like many of you, I thought this was something that I could just skip around. That's obvious, right? However, DC is gifted just enough to detect my attempts to avoid the conversation. But, she is also very much the typical emotional three-year old.

So I think I need to develop a straightforward plan. Something that's clear and avoids the possibility of backtracking.



Honestly OP yo are projecting your feelings onto your kid, Stop that right now. Its clear you are not over this at all, the fact that you now want to reach out to the half sister to "move this along" tells me you really have not resolved the issues with your dad. You ONLY tell your kid "I don;t have a dad" - he is 3 and not that interested honestly, even if you think he is "gifted". Then you need to have a serious talk with your mom and a therapist. Your dad had an affair with your mom, wanted her just for sex and then it got complicated and he bailed. It sucks, but that story is as old as time. He probably told your mom a ton of lies and she bought them. Your mom is just as resposnbilbe for this as your dad.


I'm trying to avoid the projection. I'm not exactly unbiased and that's why I don't think I'm able to keep this out of the dysfunctional territory.


You're right, you're not. You are imagining that because your 3 yo knows about mammals and procreation that she can tell you're an illegitimate child and intuited that you're keeping something about your provenance from her. She does not. Tell her you don't have a dad because some people don't. Lie and say he died. You are making a mountain out of a molehill and projecting inappropriate thoughts and emotions on a 3 year old who is literally just asking you a simple question that all 3 year olds ask.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2016 09:54     Subject: Explaining to my three year old that I'm a love child
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here,

Like many of you, I thought this was something that I could just skip around. That's obvious, right? However, DC is gifted just enough to detect my attempts to avoid the conversation. But, she is also very much the typical emotional three-year old.

So I think I need to develop a straightforward plan. Something that's clear and avoids the possibility of backtracking.



Honestly OP yo are projecting your feelings onto your kid, Stop that right now. Its clear you are not over this at all, the fact that you now want to reach out to the half sister to "move this along" tells me you really have not resolved the issues with your dad. You ONLY tell your kid "I don;t have a dad" - he is 3 and not that interested honestly, even if you think he is "gifted". Then you need to have a serious talk with your mom and a therapist. Your dad had an affair with your mom, wanted her just for sex and then it got complicated and he bailed. It sucks, but that story is as old as time. He probably told your mom a ton of lies and she bought them. Your mom is just as resposnbilbe for this as your dad.


I'm trying to avoid the projection. I'm not exactly unbiased and that's why I don't think I'm able to keep this out of the dysfunctional territory.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2016 09:52     Subject: Explaining to my three year old that I'm a love child
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here,

Like many of you, I thought this was something that I could just skip around. That's obvious, right? However, DC is gifted just enough to detect my attempts to avoid the conversation. But, she is also very much the typical emotional three-year old.

So I think I need to develop a straightforward plan. Something that's clear and avoids the possibility of backtracking.



Don't avoid it. She asks you, you say, oh I didn't grow up with a Dad. Do you have a step Dad? Then he is your Dad. You truly sound nuts. Is she reading Narnia at 3? If she is then she is gifted. This is all about you. Do not let your child be your therapist.


NP: My DC did read Narnia at 3, but absolutely could not have comprehended the social and emotional complexities surrounding adult sexuality, social morals, infidelity, marriage vows, child abandonment, etc. that OP is considering dumping on this toddler. But the child can pick up on anger, anxiety, depression, stress, etc. and will learn quickly that this is a topic that pushes mommy's buttons, for better or worse.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2016 09:42     Subject: Explaining to my three year old that I'm a love child
Anonymous wrote:OP here,

Like many of you, I thought this was something that I could just skip around. That's obvious, right? However, DC is gifted just enough to detect my attempts to avoid the conversation. But, she is also very much the typical emotional three-year old.

So I think I need to develop a straightforward plan. Something that's clear and avoids the possibility of backtracking.



Honestly OP yo are projecting your feelings onto your kid, Stop that right now. Its clear you are not over this at all, the fact that you now want to reach out to the half sister to "move this along" tells me you really have not resolved the issues with your dad. You ONLY tell your kid "I don;t have a dad" - he is 3 and not that interested honestly, even if you think he is "gifted". Then you need to have a serious talk with your mom and a therapist. Your dad had an affair with your mom, wanted her just for sex and then it got complicated and he bailed. It sucks, but that story is as old as time. He probably told your mom a ton of lies and she bought them. Your mom is just as resposnbilbe for this as your dad.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2016 09:39     Subject: Explaining to my three year old that I'm a love child
Maybe she's smart enough to understand that not all mammalian fathers live with the mother and child. They just go off hunting, or for a pack of smokes, or whatever, and never come back
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2016 09:37     Subject: Explaining to my three year old that I'm a love child
This.is.so.stupid.

Op, don't. just don't.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2016 09:35     Subject: Explaining to my three year old that I'm a love child
What does your husband want to tell your child, OP?
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2016 09:33     Subject: Explaining to my three year old that I'm a love child
"Grandma's a ho."
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2016 09:32     Subject: Explaining to my three year old that I'm a love child
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here,

Like many of you, I thought this was something that I could just skip around. That's obvious, right? However, DC is gifted just enough to detect my attempts to avoid the conversation. But, she is also very much the typical emotional three-year old.

So I think I need to develop a straightforward plan. Something that's clear and avoids the possibility of backtracking.



You truly think your 3 yo is "gifted" enough to sense there is more to the story and will push you for details of your origin and conception?


Yes, and she does. She has a firm grasp about how mammals are made. She can even tell you the difference between a mammal and other types of life. She, by herself, made the connection that we are mammals.

Now she's making other connections about the world -like our habitat. It's amazing what this kids can do these days.

Moving on.



Lucky that she sounds smarter than her mother. Hopefully she can prevent you from ruining her emotional well being.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2016 09:32     Subject: Explaining to my three year old that I'm a love child
You're telling me your three year old knows that in order for your exist, your mom got boffed by some dude, and now your three year old is demanding to know where that dude is?

Point to any number of animals that don't mate for life; she'll make the connection.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2016 09:28     Subject: Explaining to my three year old that I'm a love child
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here,

Like many of you, I thought this was something that I could just skip around. That's obvious, right? However, DC is gifted just enough to detect my attempts to avoid the conversation. But, she is also very much the typical emotional three-year old.

So I think I need to develop a straightforward plan. Something that's clear and avoids the possibility of backtracking.



You truly think your 3 yo is "gifted" enough to sense there is more to the story and will push you for details of your origin and conception?


Yes, and she does. She has a firm grasp about how mammals are made. She can even tell you the difference between a mammal and other types of life. She, by herself, made the connection that we are mammals.

Now she's making other connections about the world -like our habitat. It's amazing what this kids can do these days.

Moving on.

Anonymous
Post 12/20/2016 09:23     Subject: Explaining to my three year old that I'm a love child
Anonymous wrote:You need to up your medication.


And call a therapist. Your 3 year old is not an adult and she's not your confidant.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2016 09:17     Subject: Explaining to my three year old that I'm a love child
You need to up your medication.