Anonymous
Post 12/18/2016 22:02     Subject: Holidays...not sure what to do
Um actually if they are Christian then Christmas is their holiday. You just sound like you don't like your in laws very much. I mean it takes 10 minutes to order gifts online.
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2016 21:50     Subject: Holidays...not sure what to do
Anyone who "works 100 hours a week" and has a family would not spend this much time on DCUM.
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2016 20:26     Subject: Holidays...not sure what to do
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Okay, if your family is not Christian, your DD is not missing out on celebrating anything with them. Why not do Christmas Eve and Christmas Day at home with you, DH and DD? Start your own traditions and celebrate according to your values. Your OP says DH is NOT interested in doing Christmas with his family which makes this an easy decision. You can drive up after Christmas, maybe even for New Year's Eve and have a visit with all the family then. Or look for other times in the year that make sense to you and both families.


OP here. I think this is what we'll do. Not go up during the holidays, but make sure they understand that we've seen them quite a bit this past year. His family just thinks that since they're Christian and my family isn't that they then own Christmas. So when we go down they don't understand why my family would want us for more than a day or so (of course it always happens that my family sees us when there are no holidays and they have to work too). My family seems willing to come down and visit us sometimes in the next two weeks. They recognize that I'm really stressed and they are very minimalist as far as gifts, etc.

Quite frankly, we've seen DH's family on every single long weekend I've had in the last year (I don't get many holidays with my job) and they've managed to have DC and DH with them without me for at least a week or two, so I don't feel that much guilt about that. It's more that I feel guilty thinking about them opening up presents without kids there. I know kids make it more joyous. But we've agreed that we'll participate in their over the top celebrations next year.

Thanks for the helpful comments.


OK, you are not Christian, and your husband's family is. And you can't understand why this wouldn't be a special day for them when they would want to see family?!

Let's remove this a few steps from majority-society/culture. Let's say you were athiest, and your husband's family was Jewish; you wouldn't make a point to spend Hannukah with them? Or Ramadan if they were Muslim? Wow. That is just so stingy, I can't even. As a previous poster said, you don't have to go overboard just because they do. Are you honestly saying that if you got your ILs framed photos of your child and a homemade Christmas ornament that your child made, that they would throw it back in your face and say it wasn't good enough. Come on. Seriously. This isn't about them and how they would reasonably react, this is about you projecting your fears, frustrations and feelings of inadequacy onto them in this fictitious scenario that you've built up in your head.
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2016 19:20     Subject: Holidays...not sure what to do
Anonymous wrote:Okay, if your family is not Christian, your DD is not missing out on celebrating anything with them. Why not do Christmas Eve and Christmas Day at home with you, DH and DD? Start your own traditions and celebrate according to your values. Your OP says DH is NOT interested in doing Christmas with his family which makes this an easy decision. You can drive up after Christmas, maybe even for New Year's Eve and have a visit with all the family then. Or look for other times in the year that make sense to you and both families.


OP here. I think this is what we'll do. Not go up during the holidays, but make sure they understand that we've seen them quite a bit this past year. His family just thinks that since they're Christian and my family isn't that they then own Christmas. So when we go down they don't understand why my family would want us for more than a day or so (of course it always happens that my family sees us when there are no holidays and they have to work too). My family seems willing to come down and visit us sometimes in the next two weeks. They recognize that I'm really stressed and they are very minimalist as far as gifts, etc.

Quite frankly, we've seen DH's family on every single long weekend I've had in the last year (I don't get many holidays with my job) and they've managed to have DC and DH with them without me for at least a week or two, so I don't feel that much guilt about that. It's more that I feel guilty thinking about them opening up presents without kids there. I know kids make it more joyous. But we've agreed that we'll participate in their over the top celebrations next year.

Thanks for the helpful comments.
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2016 19:08     Subject: Holidays...not sure what to do
Okay, if your family is not Christian, your DD is not missing out on celebrating anything with them. Why not do Christmas Eve and Christmas Day at home with you, DH and DD? Start your own traditions and celebrate according to your values. Your OP says DH is NOT interested in doing Christmas with his family which makes this an easy decision. You can drive up after Christmas, maybe even for New Year's Eve and have a visit with all the family then. Or look for other times in the year that make sense to you and both families.
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2016 19:07     Subject: Holidays...not sure what to do
Where is your husband in all this? Do you want to see your own family?

It sounds like you are the one who feels badly about disappointing the in-laws. DH's family = DH's problem. Since bailing on them (or fulfilling the holiday expectations) is not an issue for him, it shouldn't be for you, either.

If the in-laws say anything to you, just say that DH wasn't feeling it this year.
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2016 18:52     Subject: Holidays...not sure what to do
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have the week off b/t Christmas and New Years, and we were debating on either making the long drive or flying up to see DH and my family (they live in the same town), but up right until almost Christmas day my schedule is absolutely packed. DH's family has a million traditions and they exchange literally hundreds of dollars worth of presents per person. That whole thing is so stressful, so DH thought it would be best if we just took the week off and relaxed here. I'm all for it, but I'm also sad for DC and everyone else. She's the only grandchild and I know she makes everyone's Christmas' come alive, so I'm feeling really guilty. But the thought of undergoing all that stress literally gives me anxiety attacks. I would be so much more amenable to going if the traditions/presents were kept to a minimum. I just do not have the time to shop, wrap, make the yearly traditions. And then traveling to both families? I'm exhausted.

I was thinking about doing a surprise road trip and not telling anyone and showing up with just 1 gift per person (that we buy and wrap on the way). But then my vacation is cut in half.

But the guilt is a bit overwhelming.



This is absurd, and you know it.


OP here. It is absurd. But TRUE.
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2016 17:50     Subject: Holidays...not sure what to do
Anonymous wrote:I have the week off b/t Christmas and New Years, and we were debating on either making the long drive or flying up to see DH and my family (they live in the same town), but up right until almost Christmas day my schedule is absolutely packed. DH's family has a million traditions and they exchange literally hundreds of dollars worth of presents per person. That whole thing is so stressful, so DH thought it would be best if we just took the week off and relaxed here. I'm all for it, but I'm also sad for DC and everyone else. She's the only grandchild and I know she makes everyone's Christmas' come alive, so I'm feeling really guilty. But the thought of undergoing all that stress literally gives me anxiety attacks. I would be so much more amenable to going if the traditions/presents were kept to a minimum. I just do not have the time to shop, wrap, make the yearly traditions. And then traveling to both families? I'm exhausted.

I was thinking about doing a surprise road trip and not telling anyone and showing up with just 1 gift per person (that we buy and wrap on the way). But then my vacation is cut in half.

But the guilt is a bit overwhelming.



This is absurd, and you know it.
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2016 17:39     Subject: Re:Holidays...not sure what to do
OP sounds like the OP of the Christmas tree lighting thread, where everyone suggested that she leave the baby at home and she flipped out. Or else there are 2 people on here wound scary tight.
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2016 17:31     Subject: Holidays...not sure what to do
Definitely stay home!
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2016 17:17     Subject: Holidays...not sure what to do
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What is this no time to shop, wrap, etc.? It's not like they moved Christmas this year. It's the same day every year. I had my plan in place in September, finished shopping by the first week in December. Decide what people to buy gifts for, set a budget, make a plan. You did have time; you wasted it.


well it's obviously not a priority for me. And we don't all have your time. I work over 100 hours a week, manage to keep my family going, and I'm not even Christian. I do it every year for my husbands family, and 'this year I just ran out of steam.



You do not work more than 100 hours a week, so stop. And yes, you DO have "my time." You have 365 days, to be exact, from one Christmas to the next. Working with your husband, who obviously should be involved, as this is family, you have more than enough time to buy and wrap some gifts, especially in the age where you can order something and a freaking drone can drop it off on your doorstep in 12 to 24 hours. Stop.


And quite frankly, your comments annoy me because they seem to think that all this shopping for other people should be my priority, it's obviously not. I would so much prefer to go down and not have a gift exchange and not make Christmas about gifts. People like you who make all these gifts such a priority really ruin it for the rest of us.


Then why did you even post? If you think Christmas is a waste of time, and you don't value spending time with your ILs, whom you clearly dislike and look down upon, then just do your thing! But no one is going to give you a free pass on "not having time" to buy and wrap some gifts because you DO. You have 365 days to do so from one year to the next. You do have the time; you choose to spend it on other things. That's fine! But stop with your lame excuses.

Own your choices.
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2016 17:05     Subject: Holidays...not sure what to do
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What is this no time to shop, wrap, etc.? It's not like they moved Christmas this year. It's the same day every year. I had my plan in place in September, finished shopping by the first week in December. Decide what people to buy gifts for, set a budget, make a plan. You did have time; you wasted it.


well it's obviously not a priority for me. And we don't all have your time. I work over 100 hours a week, manage to keep my family going, and I'm not even Christian. I do it every year for my husbands family, and 'this year I just ran out of steam.



You do not work more than 100 hours a week, so stop. And yes, you DO have "my time." You have 365 days, to be exact, from one Christmas to the next. Working with your husband, who obviously should be involved, as this is family, you have more than enough time to buy and wrap some gifts, especially in the age where you can order something and a freaking drone can drop it off on your doorstep in 12 to 24 hours. Stop.


And quite frankly, your comments annoy me because they seem to think that all this shopping for other people should be my priority, it's obviously not. I would so much prefer to go down and not have a gift exchange and not make Christmas about gifts. People like you who make all these gifts such a priority really ruin it for the rest of us.
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2016 17:02     Subject: Holidays...not sure what to do
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What is this no time to shop, wrap, etc.? It's not like they moved Christmas this year. It's the same day every year. I had my plan in place in September, finished shopping by the first week in December. Decide what people to buy gifts for, set a budget, make a plan. You did have time; you wasted it.


well it's obviously not a priority for me. And we don't all have your time. I work over 100 hours a week, manage to keep my family going, and I'm not even Christian. I do it every year for my husbands family, and 'this year I just ran out of steam.



You do not work more than 100 hours a week, so stop. And yes, you DO have "my time." You have 365 days, to be exact, from one Christmas to the next. Working with your husband, who obviously should be involved, as this is family, you have more than enough time to buy and wrap some gifts, especially in the age where you can order something and a freaking drone can drop it off on your doorstep in 12 to 24 hours. Stop.


You're actually wrong. I do work more than 100 hours a week, so no, I don't have your time. You obviously have more time to do these things and think about gifts for grown ass adults who can buy their own things.

Stop being a jerk and try to realize we don't all have your life.
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2016 16:58     Subject: Holidays...not sure what to do
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What is this no time to shop, wrap, etc.? It's not like they moved Christmas this year. It's the same day every year. I had my plan in place in September, finished shopping by the first week in December. Decide what people to buy gifts for, set a budget, make a plan. You did have time; you wasted it.


well it's obviously not a priority for me. And we don't all have your time. I work over 100 hours a week, manage to keep my family going, and I'm not even Christian. I do it every year for my husbands family, and 'this year I just ran out of steam.



You do not work more than 100 hours a week, so stop. And yes, you DO have "my time." You have 365 days, to be exact, from one Christmas to the next. Working with your husband, who obviously should be involved, as this is family, you have more than enough time to buy and wrap some gifts, especially in the age where you can order something and a freaking drone can drop it off on your doorstep in 12 to 24 hours. Stop.
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2016 16:55     Subject: Holidays...not sure what to do
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No, OP. You sound like a pushover bean counter whose concern is keeping up with the Jonses.


Okay, PP. Go find a fight elsewhere.


I was a new poster, not the PP.


Sure...