its over the top in wealthy areas.

after raising 2, I think that schools should be a PARENT-FREE zone.

it is crazy what parents do, and at our high school it was entirely women, and stay at home women, all meetings were 9:30 in the morning.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of the projects are make-work by underemployed women with too much time on their hands. Like Ancient Civilizations day where the hyperweird moms show up in costumes themselves! We moved from a school with lots of stay at home moms to one with significantly fewer and the demands for silly make-work projects went down exponentially.

+1. We're only in PK-4, not K yet, but we're in an area of the city with a lot of dual high incomers. I can only think of one stay at home mom in our three years at the school. We have almost zero requests/obligations to participate. The occasional "please send in any milk cartons for a craft project" and a once-annual request to work the bookfair. But nothing else. Another anecdote: We looked at the Capitol Hill Day School last year and they have a field trip at least once a week, and insist that no parents chaperone because they know that parents in the city almost all work, they didn't want to create parent one-upping, and they think kids do better without the heavy involvement.

My friends in the suburbs describe preschool as hell, with weekly requests for chaperoning trips, mother's day tea, and other requirements to take a half day from work. Lots more stay at home moms there.

It's one thing to try and increase family involvement in poor districts where the kids' academic outcomes can be affected. But I see zero benefit in upper middle class areas to having moms miss half days to hang tinfoil snowflakes for the holiday party.

I am a low involvement mom wity several kids (including high schoolers) and I find your post so depressing.

Your little one is only preschool?

Trust me when I say this, when you child gets older you will not look back on her childhood and relish all the time you spent at work, but you will look back and wish you had spent more time when she was little taking half days from work to enjoy those "silly holiday parties".

Anonymous wrote:What a waste of your Harvard education.

Not the PP but if you received a death sentence, I doubt you would still work or care about your Harvard education. Some people enjoy living in the now. I SAH for 8 years and I am now back PT. Will go back FT when they in college. Life is too short to see your kids 1-2 hours a day and feel like you are actually parenting them. Why have kids if you let others raise them and then bitch when you need to do something for them, or see them in a play, watch their Halloween parade, or (gasp) actually help a teacher.

News flash OP. Teachers expectations haven't changed. Moms have. Big difference.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of the projects are make-work by underemployed women with too much time on their hands. Like Ancient Civilizations day where the hyperweird moms show up in costumes themselves! We moved from a school with lots of stay at home moms to one with significantly fewer and the demands for silly make-work projects went down exponentially.

+1. We're only in PK-4, not K yet, but we're in an area of the city with a lot of dual high incomers. I can only think of one stay at home mom in our three years at the school. We have almost zero requests/obligations to participate. The occasional "please send in any milk cartons for a craft project" and a once-annual request to work the bookfair. But nothing else. Another anecdote: We looked at the Capitol Hill Day School last year and they have a field trip at least once a week, and insist that no parents chaperone because they know that parents in the city almost all work, they didn't want to create parent one-upping, and they think kids do better without the heavy involvement.

My friends in the suburbs describe preschool as hell, with weekly requests for chaperoning trips, mother's day tea, and other requirements to take a half day from work. Lots more stay at home moms there.

It's one thing to try and increase family involvement in poor districts where the kids' academic outcomes can be affected. But I see zero benefit in upper middle class areas to having moms miss half days to hang tinfoil snowflakes for the holiday party.

I sent my kids to a co-op preschool to avoid lazy conplaining moms like you.

Anonymous wrote:opt out. totally unnecessary.
I've written short notes to teacher saying- mom doesn't have time for photo project.

I have my job.
School is my kids' jobs.

- mom of 4

So you work to stay completely uninvolved and have an excuse for it. Good for you. Teachers must love you.

Maybe you just had more kids than you could deal with. School parties are fun but you don't need to go to them. I'm a single mom and a teacher and the only event I attend during the day at my DD's school is parent teacher conferences. The rest is fluff.

What a waste of your Harvard education.

^ going to the party, and the musical is not what we are talking about

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of the projects are make-work by underemployed women with too much time on their hands. Like Ancient Civilizations day where the hyperweird moms show up in costumes themselves! We moved from a school with lots of stay at home moms to one with significantly fewer and the demands for silly make-work projects went down exponentially.

+1. We're only in PK-4, not K yet, but we're in an area of the city with a lot of dual high incomers. I can only think of one stay at home mom in our three years at the school. We have almost zero requests/obligations to participate. The occasional "please send in any milk cartons for a craft project" and a once-annual request to work the bookfair. But nothing else. Another anecdote: We looked at the Capitol Hill Day School last year and they have a field trip at least once a week, and insist that no parents chaperone because they know that parents in the city almost all work, they didn't want to create parent one-upping, and they think kids do better without the heavy involvement.

My friends in the suburbs describe preschool as hell, with weekly requests for chaperoning trips, mother's day tea, and other requirements to take a half day from work. Lots more stay at home moms there.

It's one thing to try and increase family involvement in poor districts where the kids' academic outcomes can be affected. But I see zero benefit in upper middle class areas to having moms miss half days to hang tinfoil snowflakes for the holiday party.

The best school districts in the suburbs have families where wealthy moms can afford to stay home. I'm Harvard educated and DH earns a seven figure income. I am going to both my kids' holiday parties next week and their musical at school. I walked away from a high six figure income job to invest my time in my children. No regrets.

Anonymous wrote:A lot of the projects are make-work by underemployed women with too much time on their hands. Like Ancient Civilizations day where the hyperweird moms show up in costumes themselves! We moved from a school with lots of stay at home moms to one with significantly fewer and the demands for silly make-work projects went down exponentially.

+1. We're only in PK-4, not K yet, but we're in an area of the city with a lot of dual high incomers. I can only think of one stay at home mom in our three years at the school. We have almost zero requests/obligations to participate. The occasional "please send in any milk cartons for a craft project" and a once-annual request to work the bookfair. But nothing else. Another anecdote: We looked at the Capitol Hill Day School last year and they have a field trip at least once a week, and insist that no parents chaperone because they know that parents in the city almost all work, they didn't want to create parent one-upping, and they think kids do better without the heavy involvement.

My friends in the suburbs describe preschool as hell, with weekly requests for chaperoning trips, mother's day tea, and other requirements to take a half day from work. Lots more stay at home moms there.

It's one thing to try and increase family involvement in poor districts where the kids' academic outcomes can be affected. But I see zero benefit in upper middle class areas to having moms miss half days to hang tinfoil snowflakes for the holiday party.

We don't do half the stuff that's supposed to happen. The only activities I make sure get done are:

1. The ones my kids really care about, which let me tell you boils down to Pajama Day! Forget about Anti-drugs week or Spirit week or whatever crap event the school's going to think about next.

2. The academic activities, which are the ones *I* care about! My first grader had to write and stick photos in the class journal. Good writing exercise, it got done. They participate in the Young Author's Contest every year. They do a science experiment and make a poster for the Science Fair. That kind of thing.

We don't go to the basketball game, the skate night, the instrumental concert (cacophony), etc. I'm in charge of the school's cultural arts and science enrichments, so have to be at school a fair bit, and know that there is WAY TOO MUCH GOING ON.

opt out. totally unnecessary.
I've written short notes to teacher saying- mom doesn't have time for photo project.

I have my job.
School is my kids' jobs.

- mom of 4

I don't get parents who complain about helping their kids as it is too overwhelming. I think its great the teacher makes it a family thing. Our teacher goes out of her way to exclude parents and thinks she knows it all.

I really only felt like kindergarten was a lot of work in this way. But i figured that was just part of the elementary school experience and I sucked it up. 1st and 2nd grades have been less intense in the parental-involvement area. This year (2nd) there were opportunities to sign up to chaperone 3 field trips and there will be a class party before Christmas. I ended up chaperoning one field trip for a few hours and I'll help with the party because my work won't be busy then and I can take an hour out of a telework day, and make some cookies the night before.

Look, do what you can. Push back if you feel something is excessive. Don't sign up if you can't sign up. I will say this, though - if you're only working "very PT" and can't manage to do something occasionally, you might need to work on your time management. Most of the parents I know work FT and we manage to do things occasionally. Frankly, there are about 20 moms at my school who run everything and I'd guess that 80% of them work outside the home. If we want our kids to go to good schools with parent involvement, part of that means being involved parents ourselves, and that can mean giving up a little free time.