Anonymous wrote:honestly the party does sound super LAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

social suicide for the kid, what are the parents thinking?

The parents are thinking that they'd like to invite the class to a party but all the other venues were booked up before they moved into the area. Or, maybe they can't afford $400 for the more popular venues. Or, maybe their child attended another party at the library and found it was actually pretty fun so she asked for the party to be there.

honestly the party does sound super LAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

social suicide for the kid, what are the parents thinking?

I am conflicted on this because normally I would not make make my kid go if they didn't want but something about how your daughter has totally crapped over a very nice idea for a low cost party rankles me and if it were my kid I admit I would want to make her go to spite her for being a rude snob.

Anonymous wrote:If the child is new,I would encourage my child to attend. It's hard to be the new kid. But honestly, my kids aren't mean. They would go and be nice even if they really didn't want to.

Weird, why spend time with people you don't specifically like (not that you dislike the classmate, but just that you don't like them enough to want to go to their party) doing something you don't want to do? Would your kids want people trying hard to pretend to be their friends just because they're new?

Since the girl is new, I'd have my daughter go. I'd talk about being polite and gracious, and also keeping an open mind about new experiences. I'd point out that different people have different ideas, and that it's up to your daughter to find whatever fun is to be had.

Really? Have none of you PPs ever decided whether to go to an event that doesn't really interest you that much based on whether or not other friends of yours are going? Or privately told your spouse or friends not involved in the event that something you'd rather not go to sounds boring? I certainly have. People get to choose what invitations to accept. OP's DD would be mean if she said something rude to the classmate about the party, but I don't get why everyone is calling her a mean girl for telling her mother she doesn't want to go to a party that doesn't sound interesting where she isn't friends with many of the attendees.

If the child is new,I would encourage my child to attend. It's hard to be the new kid. But honestly, my kids aren't mean. They would go and be nice even if they really didn't want to.

I wouldn't make her go, but I would give her the business for having an attitude. She needs to learn that being judgmental is not OK and she is no better than anyone else. Squash the tude before it grows like a weed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the girls is new to the school, I actually would make my daughter go. I'd also work on that mean streak she seems to be developing.

I wouldn't. If she doesn't want to go she'll have a bad attitude at the party... not fun. It's usually obvious when a kid is being forced to do something. By 3rd grade parents shouldn't arrange friendships, which should be people who actually like spending time together anyway. Nobody really wants a pity/charity case forced friendship anyway

Third grade is a wee bit early for queen bee mean girls. It is also early to let your child fall into the horrible behavior of the mean girl royal "We" behavior (as in We all decided that herparty will be lame so We are all going to skip it.

OP, I would send your daughter especially since she is such a budding mean girl. She might have fun and make a new friend.

I would stop her cliquey popular behavior asap or she is going to be a nightmare in sixth-ninth grade.

Anonymous wrote:If the girls is new to the school, I actually would make my daughter go. I'd also work on that mean streak she seems to be developing.

+1. This sounds like a family of lower SES trying to their best. And your DD sounds like she has the makings of growing into a monster.

There wouldn't even be a question in our house. Party invitations are just that - an invitation. If we have a conflict, my kids don't really like the birthday kid, or they don't want to go for any other reason, we RSVP "no." In your situation, I would have a conversation about making assumptions, keeping an open mind, etc., but I don't expect my kids to accept all invitations. Sometimes they would rather hang out at home and I'm fine with that.

Anonymous wrote:If the girls is new to the school, I actually would make my daughter go. I'd also work on that mean streak she seems to be developing.

I wouldn't. If she doesn't want to go she'll have a bad attitude at the party... not fun. It's usually obvious when a kid is being forced to do something. By 3rd grade parents shouldn't arrange friendships, which should be people who actually like spending time together anyway. Nobody really wants a pity/charity case forced friendship anyway

If the girls is new to the school, I actually would make my daughter go. I'd also work on that mean streak she seems to be developing.

I would also call out the negative attitude but I wouldn't make her go. I don't force my kids to do things that should be fun - makes them not fun. Will be interesting for her to hear about the party after - if her friends declare it "fun" she might learn a lesson.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it a strange party. How do you do a scavenger hunt at a library and keep kids quiet? Not everyone likes McDonalds - we only eat breakfast there. I would encourage her to go, but I wouldn't force it.

The smell at McDonalds makes me queasy. However, while I generally don't have a problem letting kids decline birthday party invitations, it's the attitude that would bother me. I wouldn't want my daughter to be mean to her classmate, even if the party was truly horrible (which it most likely isn't.) Maybe I would have my daughter get the girl a present and say she's sorry she couldn't make it to the party. I don't know. Just any action that signals kindness.

The mean girl attitude would really bother me.

This.