Hi! I would talk to him about it if I were you. Not in a blaming kind of way but a trying to understand and confused kind of way. He probably is emabarassed and doesn't think you will understand. If you show him you are concerned and want to listen he may share with you. You need to show him you are trustworthy and understanding so he will feel safe to share with you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers!

H

Anonymous wrote:Troll

That's helpful. You should try typing it again to really ensure that we understand what you're implying here. Move along.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm so sorry. I would have to talk to him if it were me. But you have to know that they broke up for a reason. And he married you for a reason. Has his behavior off lately?

And the reason could've very well been she dumped him. And DH then met the OP and fell in love and married her. But the ex was still the one that got away.

Troll

Things are not otherwise good if your husband is Facebook stalking his ex and pining after what his life would be like with her and not you. And wishing he was in her life.

I would make sure the baby is down for the night, and sit him down and let him know what you heard and tell him you want an explanation. Don't prompt him. Let him talk and see what he comes up with. His answers (or I'm willing to bet his inability to explain himself in this case...) will make clear what is going on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry, OP. I'd be devastated to hear that. And really, really pissed.

This probably isn't the best advice, but I'm kind of a bitch- I'd pack my things up and leave for a few days so he can see what life is like without the things he does have. I've had to do that twice in my marriage (once with a baby) because I don't tolerate that kind of disrespect.

If you behaved like that to me, I'd change the locks on you. I don't tolerate that kind of immaturity.

Good thing we aren't married then

I've found that men need a huge wakeup call to change. Simply talking about it or asking nicely never works. Hopefully you're one of the good ones who listens to their DW!

You sound like a real peach.

Eh. I'm very fair. I don't make a big deal over things like housework, money, kids, etc. I don't walk around brooding and asserting my dominance or whatever. 99% of the time I'm very positive and fun. But I do enforce consequences for big things. It sucks, but I figured out a long time ago that being a pushover also destroys relationships.

+1000%

Anyone who doesn't believe this is the asshole who steamrolls the nicer person in the relationship who is all to forgiving of things and who repeatedly takes advantage of that.

I've never voiced it out loud but I've had similar thoughts about my ex. But I also love my husband very much and would never leave him. We have a fantastic family. I guess I just feel that my ex was my first big love and even though it was years ago I still remember how I felt in that (much easier, simpler, no kids or responsibilities) relationship and remember him fondly. It doesn't detract from how much I love my family.

You've gotten some good advice (except for the PP who suggested you leave for a couple days). I can totally understand how hard this would be to hear. I'm thinking, though, that it's not really because of his dissatisfaction with his current life but because of the anger he has towards his ex. I'm not saying it's healthy but understandable. Hugs.

It's natural, IMO to be curious who is "winning" the divorce. Divorce is hard and miserable on the couples and worse for the kids. It cracks me up how cavalierly it is thrown around as a solution in this forum.

I think this is a case of the grass being greener, likely due to some development. It's only natural for this to manifest around the holidays. I'm quite certain he didn't intend to hurt you and would be bummed that he did.

I would take a gentle tact here. Pick a good time and ask to talk. Tell him you are sorry but you overheard him talking to his sister. You know he didn't mean for you to hear it and you can't get it out of your head. Let him talk and see where it goes. Please try to stay calm and tear free so he will feel comfortable talking to you. Tell him you want him to feel comfortable talking to you about anything.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry, OP. I'd be devastated to hear that. And really, really pissed.

This probably isn't the best advice, but I'm kind of a bitch- I'd pack my things up and leave for a few days so he can see what life is like without the things he does have. I've had to do that twice in my marriage (once with a baby) because I don't tolerate that kind of disrespect.

If you behaved like that to me, I'd change the locks on you. I don't tolerate that kind of immaturity.

Good thing we aren't married then

I've found that men need a huge wakeup call to change. Simply talking about it or asking nicely never works. Hopefully you're one of the good ones who listens to their DW!

You sound like a real peach.

Eh. I'm very fair. I don't make a big deal over things like housework, money, kids, etc. I don't walk around brooding and asserting my dominance or whatever. 99% of the time I'm very positive and fun. But I do enforce consequences for big things. It sucks, but I figured out a long time ago that being a pushover also destroys relationships.

You're not "cool" 99" pe cent of the time, you think you are. This guy obviously suffered through something bad. Perhaps she betrayed him. I've seen men never fully recover after their wife has an affair, it wrecks them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry, OP. I'd be devastated to hear that. And really, really pissed.

This probably isn't the best advice, but I'm kind of a bitch- I'd pack my things up and leave for a few days so he can see what life is like without the things he does have. I've had to do that twice in my marriage (once with a baby) because I don't tolerate that kind of disrespect.

If you behaved like that to me, I'd change the locks on you. I don't tolerate that kind of immaturity.

Good thing we aren't married then

I've found that men need a huge wakeup call to change. Simply talking about it or asking nicely never works. Hopefully you're one of the good ones who listens to their DW!

You sound like a real peach.

Eh. I'm very fair. I don't make a big deal over things like housework, money, kids, etc. I don't walk around brooding and asserting my dominance or whatever. 99% of the time I'm very positive and fun. But I do enforce consequences for big things. It sucks, but I figured out a long time ago that being a pushover also destroys relationships.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry, OP. I'd be devastated to hear that. And really, really pissed.

This probably isn't the best advice, but I'm kind of a bitch- I'd pack my things up and leave for a few days so he can see what life is like without the things he does have. I've had to do that twice in my marriage (once with a baby) because I don't tolerate that kind of disrespect.

To be fair, it doesn't actually sound like he was being disrespectful. He was confiding in someone he trusts. Of course he should talk to OP, work through any problems, get counseling, whatever, but it's not disrespectful. The man has feelings that he doesn't really know how to work through. That's called being human.

+1
The "I'lll show you!" strategy is not one you should employ here OP.

It's just a fantasy, escapism on his part. I'd ignore. Remember to try to be nice and loving (and have sex) although I know it's hard with a new baby.