Kids grow up and blossom differently. My friend had a sister who was much more prettier and smarter than she was. Dad always told my friend she was fat and ugly and her sister was beautiful and smart. The sister ended up becoming an exotic dancer and dropped out of college. My friend is far more accomplished.

What about the saying Beauty is as beauty does.

Life is a bitch! So my guess is 20 years down the line the you ger kid will be beautiful and successful and the older one will end up divorced with a sugar daddy

I think that planning how to address this is the thoughtful, caring way to parent, OP. I was the unattractive one in my family. Although I did often hear my sisters complimented in front of me, I found that the bigger issue was the more subtle bias that most people have toward more attractive people. I was often confused and did not understand why everyone was kinder to my sisters than they were to me. I assumed that there was something wrong with my personality, and that if I were nicer, smarter, funnier, or more interesting that people would like me more. It seems like a winning strategy, but nothing was ever enough and my childhood and adolescence was a sad time for me, characterized by anxiety, perfectionism, and a pretty nasty eating disorder. Only after I internalized the fact that we live in a superficial world and that how people treat you isn't necessarily a reflection of your worth as a person did things turn around for me. Ultimately, I wish my mother had just told me, "look, people ignore you and are nice to them because they are prettier, but not because they are better people than you are. We love you all no matter what other yardsticks other people might be applying." But, perhaps that is a very difficult thing to acknowledge to a kid...

I was a gorgeous child by all accounts, but puberty hit me hard, and I was a mess. It destroyed my self esteem because my childhood was filled with compliments about my looks, which suddenly stopped during puberty. I became depressed and it just took a huge toll on me. Especially because my youngest sister had the same gorgeous looks as me as a child and kept them throughout puberty. In my early / mid 20's though, I decided to seek help and once I had my self esteem back on track, it was like my looks began to change with it. I am now considered hot but I still remember those days where the compliments suddenly dried up. I have a very great personality that probably resulted from being the ugly duckling for a long while, but I really wish my parents and relatives hadn't been so focused on my looks so early on because I felt that was all there was to me and I was heartbroken when I realized I didn't have those anymore and felt as though I was unlovable as a result.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eleanor Roosevelt's mother thought she was unattractive too.



Maybe your hang ups will create the "right" psychological damage that will cause your child to become one of the most accomplished people in history.
https://saintssistersandsluts.wordpress.com/2012/06/18/eleanor-roosevelt-a-late-bloomer/

I think you're unattractive inside, OP, and that's much harder to change. Go meditate.

I think Eleanor Roosevelt was ugly too.

You know what I've always thought about her? That the ugliness lay solely with her insecure mother, and that constantly being called "homely" and "ugly" made her so. But with your blackened heart, your outsides probably reflect your insides.

OP, quit being shallow. Is one's appearance the sole measure of their worth? Because I have a beautiful kid and a comparatively ugly kid, and it's pretty obvious that the "ugly" kid is going to have a much easier life because she's so much happier and more secure.

Of course it's not the sole measure of their worth. But OP does no one any favors by ignoring the obvious. If and when her children raise this issue, or outsiders raise it for them, she needs to be there with some wisdom and support and ways to deal with it, not empty platitudes about everyone else "blackened hearts"

It's very very likely that the adorable, beautiful child will become an average adult and the unattractive child will be come a gorgeous.

It's up for debate, but plenty of child actors were adorable but amounted to nothing.

Then you have unattractive child actors who are downright gorgeous now. Like, Marcus from About a Boy. http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0396558/?ref_=tt_cl_t2

It only matters if they're both girls.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eleanor Roosevelt's mother thought she was unattractive too.



Maybe your hang ups will create the "right" psychological damage that will cause your child to become one of the most accomplished people in history.
https://saintssistersandsluts.wordpress.com/2012/06/18/eleanor-roosevelt-a-late-bloomer/

I think you're unattractive inside, OP, and that's much harder to change. Go meditate.

I think Eleanor Roosevelt was ugly too.

PP, which one is her? All three children look beautiful to me, TBH.

It is the bad haircuts, lol.

Give those kids some straight, not jagged bangs and do something about that fake frizzy curl action and they improve immensely

Anonymous wrote:I don't even know how to say this, but it's becoming relatively obvious that one of my children is much more attractive than the other. My oldest is classically attractive, just got lucky in the gene pool I suppose. She is more attractive than either DH or myself, definitely. The younger, not so much. It's like one is a combination of our worst features and the other is a combination of our best. Just wondering how to handle this if anyone has a similar situation. I am almost afraid that someone else will comment on it.. seems like it's so blatant that it's only a matter of time, and that makes me so sad.

Develop their personalities...especially the younger one. I see this all the time and the personality is really what will make or break their futures. I had friends whose parents told them early on that if they are not classically attractive that they have to develop something else - a winning smile, a sense of humor, something that will "make people like you."

Sorry OP for all the rude comments posted here. That's the way DCUM works sometimes. Keep an ear open for anyone making even off-handed comments. No one ever told me I was unattractive but very often told my sister, in front of me, that she was just beautiful (she was). It is a legitimate concern and your a good mom to see this and want to be prepared just in case. I once heard a boy in high school describe me to a friend as the "not cute" sister. Comparison are inevitable and there's always that one jerk out there. Hang in there and sorry again about the nastiness you experienced here.

Looks change. Growing up, I was the classic beauty while my sister was the ugly duckling. She grew up to be really hot. I was still the more attractive one through college and young adulthood, but as we're getting older she is aging much better and is now much more attractive than me.

Anonymous wrote:Prince William and Prince Harry were the same...but as adults Harry took an outsized lead. Focus on other qualities and don't project. Each of your kids will have a separate peer group in which to find approval and acceptance. Shut down anything else coming from family members (which I doubt would happen unless your family members are assholes).

So much this. William looks more an more like a middle-aged Brit every day, while Harry looks more and more like a grizzled action star. Yum!

I would also worry that your "classically beautiful" daughter will put way too much time and effort into maintaining her appearance, especially as she learns what it can get her. As a woman, there is a short shelf life on beauty which can wreck women as it starts to fade. It might help you to see it as a curse as much as it is an advantage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eleanor Roosevelt's mother thought she was unattractive too.



Maybe your hang ups will create the "right" psychological damage that will cause your child to become one of the most accomplished people in history.
https://saintssistersandsluts.wordpress.com/2012/06/18/eleanor-roosevelt-a-late-bloomer/

I think you're unattractive inside, OP, and that's much harder to change. Go meditate.

I think Eleanor Roosevelt was ugly too.

You know what I've always thought about her? That the ugliness lay solely with her insecure mother, and that constantly being called "homely" and "ugly" made her so. But with your blackened heart, your outsides probably reflect your insides.

OP, quit being shallow. Is one's appearance the sole measure of their worth? Because I have a beautiful kid and a comparatively ugly kid, and it's pretty obvious that the "ugly" kid is going to have a much easier life because she's so much happier and more secure.

Anonymous wrote:Eleanor Roosevelt's mother thought she was unattractive too.



Maybe your hang ups will create the "right" psychological damage that will cause your child to become one of the most accomplished people in history.
https://saintssistersandsluts.wordpress.com/2012/06/18/eleanor-roosevelt-a-late-bloomer/

I think you're unattractive inside, OP, and that's much harder to change. Go meditate.

How is OP unattractive inside for simply noticing a marked difference between her children?